-- Table structure for table `wp_posts`
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CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS `wp_posts` (
  `ID` bigint(20) unsigned NOT NULL AUTO_INCREMENT,
  `post_author` bigint(20) unsigned NOT NULL DEFAULT '0',
  `post_date` datetime NOT NULL DEFAULT '0000-00-00 00:00:00',
  `post_date_gmt` datetime NOT NULL DEFAULT '0000-00-00 00:00:00',
  `post_content` longtext NOT NULL,
  `post_title` text NOT NULL,
  `post_excerpt` text NOT NULL,
  `post_status` varchar(20) NOT NULL DEFAULT 'publish',
  `comment_status` varchar(20) NOT NULL DEFAULT 'open',
  `ping_status` varchar(20) NOT NULL DEFAULT 'open',
  `post_password` varchar(20) NOT NULL DEFAULT '',
  `post_name` varchar(200) NOT NULL DEFAULT '',
  `to_ping` text NOT NULL,
  `pinged` text NOT NULL,
  `post_modified` datetime NOT NULL DEFAULT '0000-00-00 00:00:00',
  `post_modified_gmt` datetime NOT NULL DEFAULT '0000-00-00 00:00:00',
  `post_content_filtered` longtext NOT NULL,
  `post_parent` bigint(20) unsigned NOT NULL DEFAULT '0',
  `guid` varchar(255) NOT NULL DEFAULT '',
  `menu_order` int(11) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0',
  `post_type` varchar(20) NOT NULL DEFAULT 'post',
  `post_mime_type` varchar(100) NOT NULL DEFAULT '',
  `comment_count` bigint(20) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0',
  PRIMARY KEY (`ID`),
  KEY `post_name` (`post_name`(191)),
  KEY `type_status_date` (`post_type`,`post_status`,`post_date`,`ID`),
  KEY `post_parent` (`post_parent`),
  KEY `post_author` (`post_author`)
) ENGINE=InnoDB  DEFAULT CHARSET=utf8 AUTO_INCREMENT=1545 ;

--
-- Dumping data for table `wp_posts`
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INSERT INTO `wp_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
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(27, 1, '2016-01-16 19:26:41', '2016-01-16 19:26:41', '', 'Seperator', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'logo-element4-png-2', '', '', '2016-03-22 19:51:21', '2016-03-22 19:51:21', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/revslider/home1/logo_element4.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(33, 1, '2016-01-16 19:36:54', '2016-01-16 19:36:54', '[vc_row][vc_column][rev_slider_vc alias="home1"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="-30"][vc_column][vc_column_text]\r\n<h1 style="text-align: center; font-size: 40px; font-weight: normal; color: #666; font-family: ''Time''; line-height: 100%;">"You can heal from <span style="color: #770b26;">the pain of your loss."</span></h1>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height="5px"][vc_column_text css=".vc_custom_1469149663320{margin-top: -10px !important;}"]\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;">The revolutionary <strong>Healthy Grieving programs</strong> explore <strong>grief</strong> from the self-identity level, shifting the focus from the external loss to an inward exploration that provides rapid and transformational healing. 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(159, 1, '2016-01-18 22:06:40', '2016-01-18 22:06:40', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<strong>GriefFree.org</strong> is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization whose mission is to be a provider of the revolutionary grieving programs called <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong>. Our goal is to be on the leading edge of the bereavement industry. To that end, we are focused on providing quality training and education to open-minded professionals and individuals who seek to learn how to heal from the pain of grief and loss. The long-term objective of <strong>GriefFree.org</strong> is to orchestrate a fundamental change in the psychology of grief worldwide.\r\n\r\n<strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/grieffree-org/" target="_blank">Read more</a></strong>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<strong>Peggy Lit and David Cope</strong> are the Founders of <strong>GriefFree.org.</strong> Their passion to create <strong>GriefFree.org</strong> came from their own experience of using the process and from witnessing the transformational change that occurred in so many people. They truly know, as a society, that we no longer need to suffer from the debilitating pain of grief and loss.\r\n\r\nRead more about <a href="http://www.grieffree.org/about-us/about-peggy-lit/" target="_blank"><strong>Peggy Lit</strong></a> and <a href="http://www.grieffree.org/about-us/about-david-r-cope/" target="_blank"><strong>David Cope</strong></a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'About Us', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'about-us', '', '', '2016-07-25 19:08:24', '2016-07-25 19:08:24', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=159', 0, 'page', '', 0),
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(166, 1, '2016-01-18 22:34:04', '2016-01-18 22:34:04', '', 'Header Image', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'backnew', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:37:47', '2016-03-21 19:37:47', '', 159, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Backnew.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(173, 1, '2016-01-18 22:56:48', '2016-01-18 22:56:48', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '173', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=173', 2, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(174, 1, '2016-01-19 10:24:46', '2016-01-19 10:24:46', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<strong>The Healthy Grieving Programs</strong>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<img class="alignright  wp-image-256" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/rainbow-in-sky-300x224.jpg" alt="Healthy Grieving Process" width="240" height="179" />The Healthy Grieving programs are designed to heal the underlying issues that are the cause of the painful experience of grief. They approach grief and loss from the universal human experience of loss rather than an individual’s personal experience. This novel perspective allows the programs to be effective for everybody experiencing grief and loss regardless of the uniqueness of their loss or how much time has passed. The only requirements for successful healing are that an individual has an open heart and a willingness to move forward in life.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<em>For more information on the Healthy Grieving Programs please <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/" target="_blank">Visit Here</a></strong></em>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<strong>The Healthy Grieving Process</strong>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]The Healthy Grieving Process is the original grieving process developed by David Cope in response to his search for a deeper and more fulfilling experience of himself. He realized that we seek meaning and purpose externally in our life. When our external meaning and purpose is lost, we experience a deep feeling of emptiness and loss. This is the experience we call grief.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<em>For more information on The Healthy Process please <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/healthy-grieving-process/" target="_blank">Visit Here</a></strong></em>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<strong>The Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]The Healthy Grieving Resolution Program was developed by David Cope as a way to gradually heal from the painful experience of the grief. It is designed as an 8-week program and provides a novel approach to healing the painful experience of grief.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<em>For more information on The Healthy Resolution Program please <a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-resolution-program/" target="_blank"><strong>Visit Here</strong></a></em>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'The Healthy Grieving Programs', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'the-healthy-grieving-process', '', '', '2016-07-19 17:02:39', '2016-07-19 17:02:39', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=174', 0, 'page', '', 0),
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(179, 1, '2016-01-19 10:28:27', '2016-01-19 10:28:27', '', 'Healthy Grieving Programs', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '179', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=179', 8, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(180, 1, '2016-01-19 10:30:45', '2016-01-19 10:30:45', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n<h2 style="text-align: center;"><strong>What is Healthy Grieving?</strong></h2>\r\n<h2 style="text-align: center;"><strong>\r\n<img class="alignright size-full wp-image-260" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/dandylion-200x300.jpg" alt="Healthy Grieving" width="200" height="300" /></strong></h2>\r\n<strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> is a natural process that allows you to explore your repressed feelings for the purpose of letting them go – which leads to a healthier experience of your self and life.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> recognizes that the experience of grief and loss is a natural human experience – all humans experience grief and loss the same. However, the mainstream view on grief and loss is that “No ''one-size-fits-all'' model or approach to grief is justifiable. Therapy must be tailored to the uniqueness of the person”. This traditional belief system is transcended by the <strong>Healthy Grieving programs</strong> because <em>they are specifically designed to approach grief and loss from the universal human experience of loss rather than an individual’s personal experience.</em> This novel perspective allows the programs to be effective for everybody experiencing grief and loss regardless of the uniqueness of their loss or how much time has passed. <em>The only requirements for successful healing are that an individual has an open heart and a willingness to move forward in life.</em>\r\n\r\nThe original <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> was created by <strong>David Cope</strong> in response to his awareness that his life experiences were limited by unresolved loss and external attachments. Six years ago, the Founders of <strong>GriefFree.org</strong> began exploring the possibilities of the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> and discovered that it was dynamic in its application – effective not only in the loss of a loved one but also in all human experiences of loss. From this perspective, they realized that the human experience of loss, which often goes undetected in traditional therapy, is the underpinning of many of the psychological issues that individuals face in their life.\r\n\r\n<strong>What makes Healthy Grieving so effective?</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>Healthy Grieving is the process of letting go of an attachment.</strong> An attachment is defined as anything external that gives identity and meaning to one’s life that when lost or taken away causes a deep feeling of loss and emptiness. Most attachments are so intertwined in one’s life as to be unrecognizable - they become the hidden infrastructure of one’s life.\r\n\r\nAttachments are fundamental to the human experience - mankind’s need to create meaning in life - because of the inherent feeling of emptiness within. The role of attachments is to “fill” the emptiness so life has purpose and meaning. When an attachment is let go of from the heart with <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong>, the pain of loss and emptiness is transformed into freedom and expansion, which feels like a sense of wholeness within one''s self.\r\n\r\nThe traditional approach to grieving is an ambiguous approach to one of life’s most natural <strong>human experiences</strong>. Imagine the possibilities of a clear and precise way to grieve that provides the transformative experience of <span style="color: #800000;">self-acceptance</span> and <em>personal</em> growth.\r\n\r\n<strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Understanding Healthy Grieving" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process/">Learn more…</a></span></strong>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'What is Healthy Grieving?', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'what-is-healthy-grieving', '', '', '2016-08-08 23:03:50', '2016-08-08 23:03:50', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=180', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(182, 1, '2016-01-19 10:31:11', '2016-01-19 10:31:11', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '182', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=182', 9, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(183, 1, '2016-01-19 10:33:44', '2016-01-19 10:33:44', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<img class="alignright wp-image-275" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/light-in-waterfal-cave-913-300x400.jpg" alt="Worksheet Examples" width="183" height="244" />I developed the original <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> as a method of letting go of <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">attachments</a></strong> that were limiting the experience of myself. I recognized that attachments were the underpinnings of all my life experiences and sought a process that would support me in my personal journey to a more fulfilling experience of myself and my life. When I began to articulate the experience of letting go of an attachment, I realized that it was the human experience called grief. From this understanding, I was able to extrapolate this awareness into a dynamic process that can be used not only for the loss of a loved one but also comprehensively in all areas of a person’s life.\r\n\r\nAs I shared this process with others, I realized that <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> teaches people how to <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">feel their feelings</a></strong>, possibly for the first time in their lives. The way the mind works is to avoid emotional pain, convincing us that we will succumb to the pain and be destroyed. With the <strong>Healthy Grieving Programs</strong>, the emotional pain of <strong>grief</strong> can now be quickly resolved with an open mind and a willingness to grow and move forward in life. As I often say, “Pain is optional in the process of growth.” Emotional pain, you will quickly find, truly is an illusion of the mind; it dissolves once we engage with it, as if it never existed.\r\n\r\nIf you are open-minded and willing, this process will lead you safely into the emotional pain you have buried deep inside throughout your life. Research has shown that these suppressed emotions form the basis for and the creation of depression, anxiety, and many illnesses. <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> is a natural process that allows you to explore your emotions for the purpose of letting them go - which leads to a healthier experience of yourself and life.\r\n\r\nBe open to the experience of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> as a way to reconnect to aspects of yourself that you have unconsciously given away. The gift of this reconnection is quite tangible and one that continues to give as you consciously apply this amazing process in your life. Imagine the experience of yourself and life wherein you can find your own inner meaning and security, no longer relying on the fleeting experience of external validation and materialism to define who you are.\r\n\r\nWhile the <strong>Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> will work effectively for all individuals regardless of age, it is not for everybody; it does require courage to look within and a readiness to move on through the grieving process. For those of you who understand that the greatest opportunity for personal growth comes from the biggest challenges in life, you will embrace this process as a wonderful gift to yourself.\r\n\r\nI believe that mankind has the capacity to innately <strong>grieve</strong> once mankind is shown the way. The beauty of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> is the awareness that <strong>grief</strong> is a universal human reaction to loss and that the experience of grieving that is fundamental to this process is a natural human experience available to all who have the courage to face the illusion of the dark secrets we all hide deep within ourselves.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]David R. Cope[/vc_column_text]Please visit the <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/personal-testimonials/">testimonials page</a></strong> to hear the remarkable stories of healing from grief and loss.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Understanding Healthy Grieving', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process', '', '', '2016-08-08 22:55:32', '2016-08-08 22:55:32', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=183', 0, 'page', '', 0),
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INSERT INTO `wp_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(186, 1, '2016-01-19 10:36:55', '2016-01-19 10:36:55', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]The <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> is a six-step process. A typical process includes an hour and a half session and a follow-up session of about a half hour. In the first session, an individual is taken through the first five steps. The final step is scheduled a week later. In this final step, an individual is able to articulate how they have let go of the pain of their loss and opened their heart to their life anew. (Please read the <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/personal-testimonials/">testimonials</a>.</strong>)\r\n\r\nSince the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> is a healing modality, individuals experience a deep and permanent release of the pain of grief and loss<em> regardless of how much time has passed since the loss</em>. The pain is consistently replaced with a sense of wholeness, rejuvenation, and fond memories of the loved one.\r\n\r\n<strong>The </strong><strong>Healthy Grieving Process Treats The Loss Of One’s Self-Identity Rather Than The Emotional Loss Of The Person</strong>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Grieving may be one of the most misunderstood experiences of human nature. In the revolutionary<strong> Healthy Grieving Process</strong>, grieving is not the experience of the emotional pain of the loss of the person or object, it is the experience of the pain of the loss of what the person or object represented; the loss of one’s self-identity - that which gave meaning to one’s life.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<img class="size-full wp-image-263 alignleft" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/sun-thru-fingers-300x200.jpg" alt="Understanding Healthy Grieving Process" width="300" height="200" />One’s <strong><a title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-identity</a></strong> is the interwoven fabric of how a person experiences one’s self. The <strong>experience of grieving</strong> is as if the very foundation of how one experiences one’s self has been taken away and what is left in its place is an inescapable abyss: the void. The experience of this void is the experience of <strong>grief</strong> - a tragic feeling of an empty and meaningless existence created by the loss of one’s self-identity.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe reason why the process of grieving is traditionally characterized as “an individualized experience that can take several months to several years” is the unwillingness to feel the pain of loss. Effectively then, <strong>grieving</strong> becomes the period it takes for a person to deny and suppress the pain of loss so it is no longer consciously experienced. The illusion is that the feeling of loss, which causes a deep and <strong>painful expression</strong> of emotions, is not for letting go but for emoting - a wallowing in pain rather than a deep experience of release. This emoting pain becomes the memory we often hold onto rather than the possibility of loving memories.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]The <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> is a process of feeling the deep pain of the loss of self-identity for the purpose of letting go of the pain. In the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong>, a person is reunited with an aspect of one’s self that was given away in the emotional attachment: the emptiness and pain are transcended and a warm sense of love and appreciation replaces the loss.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe perceived pain is the person’s own experience of loss not the experience of the loss of the person (object). For example, when a person goes to a funeral to pay respects and feels a sense of loss and sadness, this feeling of loss and sadness is not for the person who passed away but the emptiness they feel inside from the loss of the person. <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> realizes that grieving is not for the person but the loss of what the person represented to one’s self-identity.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<strong>A Willingness To Feel…</strong>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-264 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/feeling-woman-300x220-300x220.jpg" alt="feeling-woman-300x220" width="300" height="220" />The process of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> starts first with the willingness to feel the pain of loss for the purpose of letting it go. Without this willingness, <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> cannot occur and grieving becomes the traditional process of grieving - wallowing, denial, and suppression. Many people, sometimes at a subconscious level, are unwilling to feel the pain of loss so they can <strong><a title="Being A Victim" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/being-a-victim/">be a victim</a></strong> to the experience thus maintaining their reality of the loss that has affected their life - being a victim replaces the meaning that the loss took from their self-identity often effectively blaming the person (object) for their misery.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<strong>Identification Of The Loss Of Self-Identity…</strong>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]The second major step in the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> is the accurate identification of the specific loss of self-identity. The challenge at this step is that a person is often not consciously aware of the loss. It is difficult for the grieving individual to create <strong><a title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">separation</a></strong> for this identification because self-identity is so ingrained in a person’s experience it can be virtually indeterminable. With the help of specific strategies to tease out the self-identity, a person can bring forth the clarity needed for identification.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]When the identification of the <strong>loss of self-identity</strong> is clearly defined it can be validated by the emotional reaction a person experiences from this awareness. With this sense of clarity, a person can then move to experience the pain of the loss of the self-identity. Interestingly, the ability to experience this pain of loss is a natural <strong>human experience</strong> and can be accomplished relatively easily if a person is not afraid of feeling emotional pain. Emotional pain is very much like the boogeyman that hid in the closet as a child; it does not exist except in your mind. When a person is willing to face the emotional pain of  grief it dissolves as if it never existed. The <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> is like the choice to go to the dentist for an impacted tooth: you can decide to  go through the pain of having the tooth removed so the pain goes away and healing can take place or you can take medication and manage the pain.  The <strong>traditional experience</strong> of grieving can often be like the management of the pain because people are very afraid to face the emotional pain of <strong>grief</strong> so they find ways to avoid or distract themselves from feeling the pain.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<strong>The Healthy Grieving Process is a Very Dynamic Process…</strong>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-266 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/clouds-opening-300x199-300x199.jpg" alt="clouds-opening-300x199" width="300" height="199" />The <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> is a very dynamic process because <strong>grief</strong> is a universal human emotion to the experience of loss.  The fundamental principles of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> can be effective not only with the death of a loved one but can be <strong><a title="Applications" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/applications/">applied in a wide variety of real life situations</a></strong>. When the concept of attachments and self-identity are fully grasped, the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> can become a comprehensive tool that can be used to reconnect  individuals to a  fuller expression of themselves and life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]From this perspective, the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> is not intended to be a process used for a single occurrence; it has been created as a way of deconstructing the attachments that form our unconscious identity. It is this unconscious identity that creates the fleeting experiences that cause life to be perceived as hard and unfulfilling. Over time, with the conscious use of the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong>, an individual will begin to transform the externalized attachments into internal <strong><a title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-love</a></strong>(value). From this place of <strong><a title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-value</a></strong>, a person no longer feels the emptiness of life or experiences life as unfulfilling but experiences an emerging sense of completeness in life.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nPlease visit the <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/personal-testimonials/">testimonials page</a></strong> to hear the remarkable stories of healing from grief and loss. You are invited to learn more details about the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> by <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/contact/">contacting us.</a></strong>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'The Healthy Grieving Process', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'healthy-grieving-process', '', '', '2016-08-08 20:56:19', '2016-08-08 20:56:19', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=186', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(188, 1, '2016-01-19 10:37:27', '2016-01-19 10:37:27', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '188', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=188', 11, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(189, 1, '2016-01-19 10:40:23', '2016-01-19 10:40:23', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-256 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/rainbow-in-sky-300x224-300x224.jpg" alt="rainbow-in-sky-300x224" width="300" height="224" />Traditionally grieving occurs with the loss of a loved one, relationship, pet, or job. The <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> can be applied in a much more diverse application. The following is a list of life events or objects of attachment that the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> can be used for successfully. In fact, the more it is applied in life the more applications are revealed, since attachments are fundamentally how we experience ourselves. The inherent value in letting go attachments is to reclaim the self-identity that was given away in the attachment. By reclaiming aspects of one’s self, individuals can learn to know and understand who they are and can live a fuller experience of themselves in life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Letting go of …\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>a divorce</li>\r\n 	<li>an old girl/boyfriend or first love</li>\r\n 	<li>a home, neighborhood or community – whether in a loss, in a fire, or moving away</li>\r\n 	<li>miscarriage or abortion</li>\r\n 	<li>foreclosure</li>\r\n 	<li>boxes of old memorabilia, family pictures, or love letters</li>\r\n 	<li>financial loss</li>\r\n 	<li>abandonment</li>\r\n 	<li>the ending of an old friendship</li>\r\n 	<li>an affair</li>\r\n 	<li>a child leaving home at any stage of life</li>\r\n 	<li>old clothes</li>\r\n 	<li>a career path not taken</li>\r\n 	<li>the single life when getting married</li>\r\n 	<li>the experience of becoming an empty nester</li>\r\n 	<li>one’s independence when a child is born</li>\r\n 	<li>the sale of a car</li>\r\n 	<li>a sports team losing</li>\r\n 	<li>a disabling illness or disease</li>\r\n 	<li>social status or lifestyle change</li>\r\n 	<li>the ability to have children</li>\r\n 	<li>missed opportunities in life</li>\r\n 	<li>not being chosen in a tryout or audition</li>\r\n 	<li>family connections or relationships</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe<strong> Healthy Grieving process</strong> can also be used proactively as a powerful way of letting go an attachment that negatively affects a person’s life experience such as:\r\n\r\nAttachments to…\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>alcohol</li>\r\n 	<li>children</li>\r\n 	<li>parents</li>\r\n 	<li>unhealthy relationships</li>\r\n 	<li>drama</li>\r\n 	<li>money</li>\r\n 	<li>love</li>\r\n 	<li>sex</li>\r\n 	<li>home</li>\r\n 	<li>food</li>\r\n 	<li>a way of life</li>\r\n 	<li>financial security</li>\r\n 	<li>shopping</li>\r\n 	<li>life style</li>\r\n 	<li>needing a man (woman) to be happy</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Outgrowing the Fear of Death and Dying</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nOne of the most significant indirect benefits of the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> might be the most intriguing: the outgrowing of the fear of death and dying. <em>The fear of death and dying is the result of the anticipated loss of the attachment to life - everything that gave meaning to a person’s life.</em>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Applications', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'applications', '', '', '2016-07-12 21:11:39', '2016-07-12 21:11:39', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=189', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(191, 1, '2016-01-19 10:40:55', '2016-01-19 10:40:55', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '191', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=191', 12, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(192, 1, '2016-01-19 10:42:47', '2016-01-19 10:42:47', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThis page demonstrates the use of the <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="The Process of Healthy Grieving" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/healthy-grieving-process/">Healthy Grieving process</a></span></strong> in a worksheet format.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<h3 align="center"><strong>The Healthy Grieving Process Example #1</strong></h3>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]#1 <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">Be Honest</a></span>.</strong>\r\n\r\nOn the surface I am grieving my dad. But as I looked at it, I saw there was a lot more going on here as far as attachments and a deeper concept. The following is what I worked through as I got deeper:\r\n\r\n<i><img class="size-medium wp-image-275 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/light-in-waterfal-cave-913-300x400-225x300.jpg" alt="light-in-waterfal-cave-913-300x400" width="225" height="300" />My dad is not here so I try to move on. He is not present any longer, so I try and move on. I cannot see him, talk to him. I am holding-on to the past with him. Why? ….because it’s comfortable. If I let go of my past with my dad, I would feel like it’s “not right”. I would not know who I am. I would not know my own definition. It would be lonely. I would be empty.</i>\r\n\r\n<i> </i>What loss am I grieving?  My “past” and my history.\r\n\r\nSo this loss I am grieving also has to do with my own self-definition. I used my dad for a whole lot of history, labels and definitions to help build up my self. Not to mention my dad was a major “safety net” for me; both in the past when he was alive, and in present in terms of memories.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]#2 <strong>Feel the feelings.</strong>\r\n\r\nI had feelings at each level I was at through my scale rankings. Detail below for each level.\r\n\r\n#3 <strong>Set up a scale.</strong>\r\n\r\n<b>Me at a “9”:</b>\r\n\r\nFeelings: guilty &amp; bad, fearful, regretful, wary, stuck, worried, sadness, unfairness, if only, mean, scared, threatened, uncertain, alone, empty, lonely, unprotected, conflicted.\r\n\r\nDescription: I miss my dad. I wish he were still around to talk to on the phone, visit and just hear his voice and re-assurance. He was always my safety net and the head of the family. There is no head of the family anymore. I feel guilty that I did not spent more time with him when he was sick and I regret not being there when he died.\r\n\r\n…I decided to go watch some old videos of my dad – to bring up buried feelings, to see how this attachment to my dad defined me, and what labels I gave myself.  I saw how much I used my dad to help define who I am, things like this: italian; big family (lot of relatives, strong family, stick by one another); “ home”; being proud of my dad for various things – which gave me self-worth; good looking; great hair; responsible leader; I made him proud; warm smile; loving/caring personality; memories of xyz.\r\n\r\nSeeing, realizing and owning the above helped move me from a “10” to a “6” on my scale….but I was stuck at a “6”…\r\n\r\n<b>Me at a “6”:</b>\r\n\r\nFeelings: guilt, regret, uncertainty, fear for the future (eg. getting cancer/sick), fear of death.\r\n\r\nDescription:I miss my dad and I am scared for my own self as he suffered so much with a long, ugly cancer battle. I worry I would get cancer too and fear sickness, pain and death. I am hung-up (stuck) here on my dad’s suffering. So I created a list of how I honestly feel about my dad’s suffering:\r\n<ol>\r\n	<li>I am scared to death of having to face what he faced. (I never really talked to my dad about death openly.)</li>\r\n	<li>I am hurt from how my dad treated me when he was sick.</li>\r\n	<li>I felt unloved. (I was wimpy in sharing my own feeling for my dad. There was never any closure.)</li>\r\n	<li>I feel guilty I was not there enough for him while he was sick, and ultimately when he died.</li>\r\n	<li>I feel like I should of “stepped-up” more and supported him.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\nI was stuck here and did not really know how to work through this further, so I sat on it for a week and allowed it to settle and penetrate. Then I got an idea to share this list with my mom and discuss it with her. My mom was very close to my dad and nursed him though cancer for 5-years. It was not going to be a comfortable conversation, but I felt it was necessary and it felt like the right thing to do.\r\n\r\nSo I met with my mom and we ended up having one of the best talks of our lives for about an hour. I shared each point in my list and we discussed each one, and what she did was gave me some great perspective in terms of understanding the situation better from a factual perspective, clarifying some misconceptions I harbored about my dad and the 5-years of suffering he went through. What she told me really helped aid in my own self-forgiveness and helped me to eliminate my guilt, self-blame, regret.\r\n\r\nThe interesting thing that also came out of this is my mom mentioned to me that after all this time, she still <b>really missed</b> my dad. I did not say this to her, but I realized inside me that I did not miss him anymore. I felt guilty about that at first, like “why don’t I miss my dad anymore?” But now I see that the part of me that missed him was that part that was very attached to him; and that attachment was going away now. I still have a lot of love for my dad in my heart (I never lost any of that), but I just did not miss him anymore.\r\n\r\nThis conversation with my mom, and the insights following, helped bring me from a “6” down to a “2” and then to a “1 1/2”…\r\n\r\n<b> </b><b>Me at a “1 1/2”:</b>\r\n\r\nFeelings: smiling on my past with a ton of warmth and love for my dad and thankfulness for him being part of my life. Relaxed, unstrained, peaceful, lighter. (guilt and regret is <b>gone</b> now).\r\n\r\nDescription: My heart holds a ton of love for my dad; this love shines through even more now, but I don’t really miss him anymore. I really appreciate his life and how I got to be a part of it. In terms of my dad’s suffering, I know it does not have to be my journey (it was part of <b>his</b> journey…<b>his</b> life). I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know it will be an experience that I need.\r\n\r\n#5 <strong>Possibility.</strong>\r\n\r\nThere is a chance now for me to be a “super” father in my own way, as my own Self, and I am excited about this. I see I have been on my own now for 10+ years without my dad, and I am doing well without the leadership and safety net that I used him for and it’s still a great growth opportunity for me. I know that I used my dad in the past for self-definition and labels to help develop and build my own image and self-ness; but that’s going away now as I see it’s not really me. I want to experience my own truth now and not live through his (or other’s) eyes and expectations.\r\n\r\n#6 …see above for my scale movement.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<h3 align="center"><b>The Healthy Grieving Process Example #2</b></h3>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<img class="size-medium wp-image-277 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/water-fall-189x300-189x300.jpg" alt="water-fall-189x300" width="189" height="300" />#1 <strong>Be honest. What loss am I grieving?</strong>\r\n\r\nThis attachment has to do with an old group that I was part of in the past. At first I thought the loss I have been grieving was “friendship”. But since we were so close, I then figured it was loss of “family.” David and I looked at the definition of family, “a group of people united by certain conviction or a common affiliation; fellowship”. The word “fellowship” really hit the nail on the head for me, defined as, “companionship, community of interest, activity feeling or experience.” I am grieving the loss of fellowship.\r\n\r\nThis has to do with companionship – close friends that all stood together and stuck up for one another, common bonds and directions we all shared that helped shape and define us. We backed each other up – therefore a safety net of security. A feeling of self-definition/identity, direction, acceptance, self-worth and security were all deeper connections to fill (mask) my emptiness.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]#2 <strong>Feel the feelings.</strong>\r\n\r\nAt first I was not “feeling the feelings”, as I was just stuck on the surface, <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Being A Victim" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/being-a-victim/">being a victim</a></span></strong>. At first this was blaming others, then this turned into blaming my self. I had to go deeper- then finally got beyond surface. See below for feelings and description at each stage of scale.\r\n\r\n#3 <strong>Set up a scale.</strong>\r\n\r\n<b>Me at a “10”:</b>\r\n\r\n<b></b>Feelings: guilty, depressed, screwed-up, defeated, demoralized, loser, wrong, dishonored, embarrassed, if only I had done xyz, rejected, sorrow, unsuccessful, insecure, small, defenseless, fearful, ashamed, bitter, ruined, wimpy, gave-up, regretful.\r\n\r\nDescription: I am a mess about this. I am haunted with bad dreams still about the past and how things went down. I feel like it just happened yesterday and it has been 6 years… that’s how screwed-up I am about this. I threw everything away. I miss my fellowship. I feel really bad about everything and feel so guilty. I want to run and hide, move out of the state, escape the reality of still being around people that I used to know. I fear all this on a daily basis.\r\n\r\n…I decided to go through my old photos and papers that I had been holding onto – to bring up buried feelings, to see how this attachment defined me, and what labels I gave myself… and then throw these away. Then I spent a day and went to my old home and town and allowed as much of the feelings to come up as I could, that had been just buried deep. This helped move me from a “10” to a “6” on my scale….\r\n\r\n<b>Me at a “6”:</b>\r\n\r\nFeelings: blame, regret, jealousy, envy, anger, small, wrong and guilty, mistaken, unsuccessful, wimp (note: these are still surface level)\r\n\r\nDescriptions:\r\n\r\n<b>What not to do: </b>(<b>victim</b> - <b>blame others</b>…)\r\n\r\nI am angry at my old fellowship. I was not successful. I never felt like it changed me. It did not work for me. I wanted to leave and I did not do it. I stayed and did it anyway out of peer pressure. I did not get to do a lot of things I wanted to do with my life, and blame others for that. I did not stand up and speak up for my ideas. I did things I did not want to do. I am pissed it could not be positive.\r\n\r\n<b>What not to do: </b>(<b>victim</b> - <b>blame self</b>…)<b></b>\r\n\r\nI am ashamed of my self, my life, my results. I am not a man. I am a bad guy. I left all my friends, girlfriend – my fellowship. I let everyone down. I was a wimp, a quitter and failure. I made a huge mistake.  I am an outcast, a screw-up, a bad example, just another guy who didn’t make it. I ran away. I had to cause others a lot of pain and increased weight to carry. I lost everyone close to me. I am embarrassed. All my hard work has nothing to show for it. All my contribution and sacrifice does not matter anymore. I feel like I wasted about two decades. How am I going to make up this time? I feel regretful. I made a huge mistake. I was never really the “smart one” after all. I am lost … have to rebuild my whole life.\r\n\r\n<b></b><b>What to do: </b>(own my self and my feelings - not as victim, poor me, why did this happen)\r\n\r\nFeelings: I am empty, lonely, deep hollowness inside me, naked, exposed, unprotected, alone, small, tiny, weak, unsure, regretful, terrified, cut off, separate, ungrounded, unconnected, shattered, lost.\r\n\r\nDescription:\r\n\r\nEverything I worked for since I was 20 was gone (<i>fact</i>). I am empty, lonely, hollow, exposed, no protection, alone, small, defeated – failure, weak and tiny, unsure, terrified, let my self down, deep sense of loss inside, cut-off, separate, ungrounded, I am shattered, my world is shattered, lost my identity and definition, I am nothing, not existing, lost, my world shattered. I feel these in my heart – inside.\r\n\r\n<b>Me at a “1”:</b>\r\n\r\nFeelings: more neutral, smiling on my past with some warmth, relaxed, unstrained, peaceful, lighter, less chatter/emotion in my head.\r\n\r\nDescription: I don’t miss them any more. Its over now, I am not holding on any more. It feels good; more releasing. I am forgiving myself and moving on. I hold some love in my heart for them, my past. I see some special things about it now and about the people who were close to me. I realize the gift that being alone gave to me.\r\n\r\n#5 <strong>Possibility.</strong>\r\n\r\nI see the benefit of leaving for me. I am free. Clean slate, I have a new lease on life. I can do the things I have wanted to do. New jobs, relationships, family. I am looking forward to the future. I am unstuck. Hopeful. Excited. Enthusiastic. I have a chance to be on my own, without a safety net. Be by my self and grow. I see the benefit the opportunity provided. I do not regret what happened.  I do not feel connected to it all anymore.\r\n\r\n#6 <strong>Check in again with your feelings and set up a new scale. Revisit this step until your scale is at a l.</strong>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<h3 align="center"><b>The Healthy Grieving Process Example #3</b></h3>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>1. Be Honest - what loss am I grieving?  :  The only true friend I have ever had.</b>\r\nI have somebody to share my journey with, I have someone to make me feel good about myself in the way that he does, and I feel loved for who I am. I have a partner that is honest with me and supports me. I have someone that makes me feel special, wanted and accepted.\r\n\r\n<b><img class="size-medium wp-image-279 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/pathway-200x300-200x300.jpg" alt="pathway-200x300" width="200" height="300" />2. Feel the feelings :  </b>\r\nAt first I was using a lot of  concept words &amp; phrases describing the feelings, during this process I realized they actually cover up the real feelings, but as I kept going they lead me to break through a layer to feel what is behind them.\r\nGreat despair, a deep loss, like someone put a hole in my chest. Desperate – I feel like I will do anything to make the feeling go away, abandoned, left behind, dark and scary, cold, thick, very suffocating, feels like no life is in there, I don’t exist – I am not alive. I feel like this feeling is a place I will do anything to cover up from experiencing.\r\n<b>\r\n3. Set up my scale – I am at a 10\r\n</b><b>Narrative defining myself at a 10 :</b><b> </b>  Jeff is the first man I have ever opened my heart up to and I have real feelings for. When I begin to feel the feelings of what it would be like with out Jeff in my life – I feel alone, scared that I am left all by myself with no one to depend on, and I have no one to share my life with. I feel <strong>grief-stricken</strong>, despair and a deep loss of myself. Below the surface I begin to feel like someone has put a hole in my chest. I feel very empty, hollow, and feel nothingness in here. I have told myself that I was not capable of ever feeling these feelings again for another man. My attachments to Jeff  have revealed my real feelings for him, and how I fill the emptiness I feel inside of me. I will do anything to make these feelings go away, and I cannot bare to feel a giant gaping hole in my heart. I feel extremely sad, depressed, and I feel like I am lacking a part of me that I need to function on. I feel I have no reason to keep going in life if I am all alone. Going into that hole in my chest is a dark, cold, and scary place. I feel so desperate, and closed in that I want to claw my way out of here. There is no light in here, I cannot see anything, I cannot see myself, my outside world does not exist at all and I feel utterly alone. There is no comfort in here, there is just blackness. The air is thick, heavy and I feel panicked. I cannot breathe in here and I feel like I am suffocating to death. In this place I feel lifeless, like my very breath is leaving me, and I am unable to speak or move. I am sinking in my own blackness and I feel paralyzed. I am non-existent in here and feel like I am not alive. I am understanding now why I will do anything to not feel this place inside of me, It feels like an internal death with out actually dying.\r\n\r\n<b>4. Let it go :</b>  I realize that I need to be there for myself, that these feelings are false and are not supporting me. By letting go of these feelings I will be supporting myself in a healthy way. I need to be a partner, a true friend, and honest to myself, rather than depending on somebody to do it for me.\r\n\r\n<b>5. Possibility :</b>  I would have a relationship with myself, and I would love myself for who I am, therefore love my partner for who he is. I would have the space I need to work on myself, and get to know myself. I will become intimate with myself and not give myself away to my partner. I will not want anything from him, and the relationship will feel effortless. Wanting something from someone takes a lot of work, and energy. I would feel free, and not burdened. It feels like a dream and I never could have imagined having something like this before. It feels like these possibilities have never existed in my world.\r\n<b>\r\n6. Check in with my scale in a few days or week</b>\r\n\r\n<b>Feel the feelings</b>\r\nI feel depressed, sad, bleak, and uneasy. I feel a deep withdrawal, lacking something, I feel unprotected, disconnected, small, fragile, lost, I don’t feel good about myself , I feel desperate for attention, I feel alone, I feel unimportant, and invisible.\r\n<b>\r\nScale – I am at a 5</b>\r\n\r\n<b>Narrative defining myself at a 5:</b>\r\nI miss my friend, I miss having someone to talk to and give my life ease. I miss having Jeff in my life to take away this feeling of lack and emptiness that I feel so unprotected from. I am feeling like my life has no meaning if I am all alone. I am feeling depressed and I find myself experiencing deep sighs of sadness through out my day – I feel like a part of me is missing. I am feeling like my life is flat and meaningless because I have no one to share it with. I feel like I have lost my way of connecting to myself because I have no one to connect to. I am feeling very bleak, my life feels obsolete and unimportant. There is no one to accept me and I feel desperate to feel accepted and loved. I feel as if my life line to the outside world has been severed and I feel lost and unable to find my way back. I feel like jumping out of my skin so I can avoid feeling this vacuum inside of me. I am unsure of who I am with out all of these things that I depend on to feel good, I feel uncertain about myself and I am feeling fragile.\r\n\r\n<b>***Check in with my scale in a few days or a week </b>\r\n\r\n<em>Note: This worksheet example does not have the next scale check in. The work was completed and did move to a scale of 1.</em>[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<h3 style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Healthy Grieving Process Example #4</strong></h3>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Step 1:<strong> Be honest about what I am really losing</strong>. We talked a lot about my house. And this is what I came to about selling it; what I am grieving: the loss of everything I ever worked for and dreamed about.\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-281 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/waterfall-2-199x300-199x300.jpg" alt="waterfall-2-199x300" width="199" height="300" />I stayed in jobs and relationships, I went into debt (deeper and deeper), I stressed and agonized for this dream. All my time and almost all of my money went into this dream. And I have had this dream my whole life. From the time I was able to look at houses as my dad drove down the street, I started fantasizing about what they looked like inside. I would always wonder what they were like. And I felt like if I just had <b>that</b> house or <b>that </b>life, everything would be okay. Better, I thought everything would be awesome. And what I have realized about my life right now is that dream has come true. I have that house, that yard, and I don’t have to work. I don’t have to leave my nice pretty cave. So of course I don’t want to work on this attachment. Everything I have ever done went towards achieving this dream. And even though it isn’t all that (everything is not better and happy-go-lucky), I’m not ready to let it go.\r\n\r\nStep 2: <strong>Feel the feelings</strong>. Here is where I got tripped up over the last week. David reminded me that the feelings are the same whether I am a victim or coming from my heart. What changes is the “mindset”. When I am a victim, I feel some of the feelings and stop there. I wallow in them and use them to create fear and drama. I don’t look for more and deeper feelings. I camp out in the surface and first sub-levels of feelings.\r\n\r\nWhen I feel the feelings with authentic intent, I keep going. I keep going deeper and deeper. And as I feel the emotions I can find more. Because if I am doing it from my heart, I feel a feeling and it starts to dissipate, so then I can look for more. And as I move through them I can get deeper and deeper and keep looking for those feelings until I can’t find anymore. Victim mode stops me long before I get to the deepest core feelings.\r\n\r\nAs I wrote this I realized I was changing lines with each pause to look for more. And the breaks between lines are the pauses I took to sink down deeper into the emotions and pull more out.\r\n\r\nThis is the order the feelings started coming:\r\ndisappointing, sad, a physical loss, like somebody is dying\r\nfailure, humiliation, devastated, overwhelmed,\r\nembarrassing, in-capable, lost     —     This has always been my focus and I now I don’t have anything to work for.\r\nI feel empty and blah. I feel like I am coming apart because there is nothing to hold me together.\r\nit is exhausting, scary, terrifying\r\nThere is no core point to rally around.\r\nIt feels  —-   blackness, cold, empty,\r\nfloating around in space or a vacuum\r\nlost forever, suffocating, crushing, can’t suck in any air; feels like my heart is going to be squished into oblivion\r\nlike death itself: cold and dark and crushed into feelings of oblivion\r\n\r\nStep 3: <strong>Set up a scale</strong>. This is me. And this is my 10. These feelings are the intensity of losing everything I have ever worked for and ever dreamed about.\r\n\r\nI have worked so hard at having a nice house with a nice yard and at not having to work so I can have a leisurely life of luxury, all so I could cover up and hide from me these feelings of death itself.\r\n\r\nThis has always been my focus and now I don’t have anything to work on or for. The surface feelings were devastated, humiliated, overwhelmed, incapable, lost, a failure. But more I feel empty. I also feel like I am coming apart because there is nothing to hold me together now. It is exhausting and terrifying.\r\n\r\nThere is no core point in me to rally around. What is there feels like blackness. It feels cold and empty, like I am floating around in space. It feels like a vacuum. It feels like I am suffocating, that my lungs are being sucked flat, like I can’t suck air in. It feels like I will be lost forever. It feels like this vacuum is squishing my heart, like I will be squished into oblivion. It feels like death itself, cold and dark and crushed: oblivion.\r\n\r\nStep 4: <strong>Let go and know these feelings are falseness and not supportive or healthy</strong>. Hanging on to my house, not working, my piano, and many other attachments covers up these feelings. My attachments allow me to hide all of this from me and therefore I can hold on to it. Obviously, having feelings of death itself is not healthy and keeping those feelings is not supporting of me. The cool thing was as I went through these feelings, I could feel them lighten and leave. When I reread this work it already seemed foreign. Just by acknowledging them and feeling them with the intent of letting them go helped me move on my scale.\r\n\r\nStep 5: <strong>Imagine the possibilities</strong>. This one is much harder from me. My ability to be positive is almost non-existent. Turning a negative into a positive is not my strong suit.\r\n\r\nLetting go of this dream allows many possibilities. I can have an authentic job and an authentic relationship. In the past I had agendas and motives to fund my dreams and hide my weaknesses. Without my house I can have a fresh start. I can learn to live within my means. When I live within my means, I can manage my money and take responsibility for my actions around money. I can learn to live like a grown up. I can be pragmatic and make reasonable decisions. (Right now I am always behind the eight-ball.) I can put my time and my energy into me. I can learn to take care of me.\r\n\r\nStep 6: <strong>Check in again with my feelings and set up a new scale</strong>. Now it feels like I am at a 6. I still don’t want to sell my house, but I can see the possibilities. I know it is the best thing and it is my truth. I just really, really don’t want to do all the work it will take to get it ready, to get rid of stuff, and to keep it show house clean during the process. I don’t want to pack and I don’t want to move. At this stage it is a huge pain in the butt, and it is easier to stay where I am. I still love my house and am sad at losing what I have worked for. But these feelings of sad and disappointed and ‘put-out’ are manageable. They don’t create intense panic and disoriented loss.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<h3 style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Healthy Grieving Process Example #5</strong></h3>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<em>Note: This example was completed by David. Because of his inner awareness he was able to grieve his dog Pepper in a more free flowing manner.</em>\r\n\r\n<img class="size-full wp-image-282 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/wooded-path-300x300.jpg" alt="wooded-path-300x300" width="300" height="300" />I feel lost, empty, and heavy- an attachment creates identity and meaning. I feel this way- disorientated- because “there is a piece of me that is gone”. I feel fragmented- whenever I use something external to define me and give my self identity and meaning.\r\n\r\nIdentity: Who I am- “I am David who has a dog Pepper. David is a person who does not love dogs. David is a person who committed to take responsibility for Pepper. Meaning: David gets up every morning walks Pepper, feeds her scraps from his plate, plans his day around her and feels loved when Pepper greets him excitedly.” The routine gave meaning to my life.\r\n\r\nNow, it, my identity and meaning, (“Pepper”) is gone and I feel the loss and emptiness that makes me sad (sad is a blend of emotions and is not really an emotion in of it’s self). It is like this comfort zone of my “self” identity and meaning is gone. And I am left with “nothing”- a big empty hole in me which was filled by the role (attachment) Pepper played in my life. I don’t really “miss” Pepper; I miss what Pepper meant to me- the identity and meaning. Pepper is a label- a place holder – for a piece of me that was given identity and meaning.\r\n\r\nFor a few days, I couldn’t feel anything but the “loss” (pain) of something that was missing as me until I was willing let go of wanting the loss to be filled with my pain (stuffing). I must grieve from the heart to let go of the pain.\r\n\r\nAs I grieve “Pepper”, the loss of a companion, I let go of the meaning and identity and allow the hole – the emptiness- to be transformed into love: not love for Pepper (even though I will be left with loving thoughts) but ultimately love for my self. Because Pepper no longer represents the “hole” in me but the fullness – self love\r\n\r\nI have grieved my loss of identity and meaning I placed as Pepper. Now I am free- to be just me – without the fragmented aspect of me created by my attachment to “Pepper”.\r\n\r\nIn the death of Pepper, I found my self.\r\n\r\nI can now feel and know that without Pepper (bless Pepper for all the gifts she gave me), I am creating new meaning and identity in my life in me as me. I have reunited with the fragmented part of me- I am whole.\r\n\r\nOwning: I can now see me as my falseness:\r\n\r\nInsight from grieving Pepper:\r\n\r\nI can never experience death because when I am complete (self) there is nothing for me to lose- death- the loss of identity and meaning: that which one calls life. I can never experience death because when I free of attachments or stories and experience my self as whole there is nothing for me to lose. Death is created by the attachment to life and is experienced as the loss of identity and meaning which one calls life.\r\n\r\nAs long as one “clings” to life’s meaning – attachment and stories- one will fear death. It is inherent in the human condition. So when a one dies with attachments and stories, they are reconnected with source – only upon death will they be at peace..\r\n\r\nPlease visit the <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Testimonials" href="http://www.grieffree.org/testimonials/">testimonial page</a></span></strong> to read individuals’ experiences with the Healthy Grieving process.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Worksheet Examples', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'worksheet-examples', '', '', '2016-03-31 20:57:31', '2016-03-31 20:57:31', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=192', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(195, 1, '2016-01-19 10:45:15', '2016-01-19 10:45:15', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]Work on being a victim can be very supportive in the <strong>Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> because it is very common for individuals to feel like a victim in the experience of grief. This is true because the experience of being a victim is expressed as “somebody or something has been done to me that has taken away something I deserve or am entitled to so my experience of life is of hardship and struggle” — and these are common thoughts and feeling following a loss. As long as an individual is being a victim to the loss, it is essentially impossible to complete the grieving cycle.\r\n\r\nAs a victim to their loss, individuals believe that something has been done to them to cause their pain. In order to heal from the pain of grief, it is essential that an individual takes responsibility for their internal experience of the loss.<strong>The Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> include a Victim Worksheet that allows an individual to effectively process the experience of being a victim, which opens their heart to heal.\r\n\r\n<em>General Note: A victim mentality or victim complex is generally interpreted by mainstream psychology as “non-normative behavior” and there are no established standards for treatment. Thus, a victim mentality is considered something uncommonly seen among, what society deems, “healthy” people. From this perspective, a victim mentality is not defined as a pervasive integrated personality characteristic.</em>\r\n\r\nOur work with being a victim has demonstrated that it is a fundamental experience of human behavior. Though it can vary in extremes and subtleties, being a victim influences and limits every human’s experience. We believe that the reason victim mentality has gone undetected as a pervasive human behavior by the study of psychology is because the essential nature of feeling like a victim is the lack of self-awareness. Once individuals who are open to exploring their life’s predicaments are exposed to the concept of being a victim, evidence shows that a transformational change is possible in how individuals experiences themselves and life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Being A Victim', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'being-a-victim', '', '', '2016-08-08 16:36:33', '2016-08-08 16:36:33', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=195', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(197, 1, '2016-01-19 10:45:41', '2016-01-19 10:45:41', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '197', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=197', 13, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wp_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(198, 1, '2016-01-19 10:47:26', '2016-01-19 10:47:26', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<strong>Definitions are very important because they articulate the fundamental concepts of the Healthy Grieving experience, which serves to differentiate terms from their common usage.</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>Attachment</strong>: Anything external that gives one identity and meaning in their life that when lost or taken away causes a deep feeling of loss and emptiness. Most attachments are so intertwined in one’s life as to be unrecognizable – they become the hidden infrastructure of one’s life.\r\n\r\nAttachments are fundamental to the human experience- mankind’s need to create meaning in life because of the inherent feeling of emptiness within. The role of attachments is to “fill” the emptiness so life has purpose and meaning.\r\n\r\n<strong>Being honest</strong> is the willingness to expose the experience of one’s self as it is. Being honest is the first step<img class="size-medium wp-image-287 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/2thrumywindow-400x301-300x226.jpg" alt="Being honest" width="300" height="226" /> that allows one to see and acknowledge the construct of their reality so it can be transcended. Only in being honest can one truly see what is, not the way one wants things to be - their story.\r\n\r\n<strong>Being a victim is </strong>a person who is not able to take responsibility for their life and their life’s predicaments. Victims blame others for their situation, powerless to make any meaningful changes in their life.\r\n\r\n<strong>Emotions </strong>are the unconscious expression of repressed feelings. For example, anger is the emotional conglomeration of the repressed feeling of being a victim. People live in their emotions so they don’t have to feel because feelings expose the underbelly of a person – the dark and vulnerable secrets we compulsively hide from.\r\n\r\n<strong>Grieving</strong> is the willingness to experience the deep pain of the loss of one’s self-identity for the purpose of reuniting one’s self – the experience of becoming “whole”. Effectively, the externalized meaning and purpose of the attachment becomes internalized, which is experienced as true love and acceptance.\r\n\r\n<strong>Feelings </strong>are the conscious and unconscious expression of how we “feel” about ourselves. Emotions are universal to all people whereas feelings are unique to each person based upon their personal experience of life. From this powerful perspective, feelings become an intriguing window into the experience of one’s self.\r\n\r\n<strong>Feeling feelings</strong> is a deep willingness to go into the pain of “how I feel about myself” <em>for the purpose of <img class="size-medium wp-image-289 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/sun-through-tree-on-hill-400x300-300x225.jpg" alt="Separation" width="300" height="225" />letting it go</em> – experiencing the feelings as you, completely and fully by letting the “emotional charge” go through you rather than resisting and pushing it away. Feeling feelings is the capacity to go into our inner sanctum that we have compulsively hide from to feel exposed and raw, knowing that it is this exposure and rawness that allows the feelings to be effectively dissolved.\r\n\r\n<strong>Resistance </strong>is the experience of the mind’s intrinsic capacity to fight against the loss of self-identity – self-destruction. It is experienced as shutting down – denial, skepticism, and the loss of clarity – which prevents self-awareness.\r\n\r\n<strong>The mind </strong>is one’s reality, a conglomerated pseudo-reality called the self. It is created by the brain by integrating one’s experiences of life.\r\n\r\n<strong>Self-identity</strong> is the way we know and experience our self. Self-identity is the definition of “who I am” which when lost or taken away leaves a person feeling a deep sense of loss. This loss is expressed deeply as “I don’t know who I am anymore” and leaves a person feeling lost in life, rudderless to find their way.\r\n\r\n<strong>Self-love</strong> is the willingness to being vulnerable for the sake of growth; an open heart. It is the experience of stepping into life anew - to start again, and again, in a new and fresh way. It is taking full responsibility for the experience of one’s life.\r\n\r\n<strong>Self-value</strong> is the experiential knowing of who I am. It is experienced as the unarticulated inherent awareness of the accumulation of one’s growth.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<b></b>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Definitions', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions', '', '', '2016-08-08 22:42:35', '2016-08-08 22:42:35', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=198', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(200, 1, '2016-01-19 10:48:18', '2016-01-19 10:48:18', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '200', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 174, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=200', 14, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(201, 1, '2016-01-19 10:52:13', '2016-01-19 10:52:13', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: left;" align="center">If you would like to heal from the pain of your grief and loss, <strong>GreifFree.org</strong> has caring therapists and volunteers who have extensive experience working with the <strong>Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> who are happy to work with you. Please send an email to <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" href="mailto:support@grieffree.org">support@GriefFree.org</a></span></strong> or use the <a href="http://www.grieffree.org/contact/"><strong>contact page</strong></a> on this website and somebody will be in contact with you.</p>\r\n<p style="text-align: left;">Please be advised that the volunteers at <strong>GriefFree.org</strong> are not professional counselors or therapists. Any support you receive from them should not be confused with traditional psychological, medical, or emotional therapy. If you need emotional or mental support for your grieving experience, you should address specific psychological, medical or emotional problems with a professional in the health field or where appropriate, a qualified physician. No insights that are revealed or discussed with the volunteers are intended to dismiss or alter your pursuit of traditional psychological, medical or emotional options.</p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'How to Get Grief Support', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'how-to-get-grief-support', '', '', '2016-07-18 16:26:18', '2016-07-18 16:26:18', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=201', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(203, 1, '2016-01-19 10:52:53', '2016-01-19 10:52:53', '', 'How to Get Support', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '203', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=203', 16, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(204, 1, '2016-01-19 10:54:48', '2016-01-19 10:54:48', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]Traditional grieving therapies are primarily used as support systems to help people cope with the painful experience of loss. <strong>The</strong> <strong>Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> are healing systems that deal directly and effectively with the underlying cause of <strong>grief</strong>. Unlike conventional grieving approaches that focus on the loss of the relationship, <strong>The</strong> <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> <strong>Programs</strong> deal with the loss of one’s <strong>self-identity</strong>. This radical shift in perspective allows individuals to make rapid and transformational changes that move them quickly through the grieving cycle into the experience of love and acceptance.\r\n\r\nThe <strong>Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> has been used to great effect with not only the loss of a loved one, but many other losses as well. It is effective for virtually any experience of loss such as ending of relationships, loss of a pet, empty nest, loss of home, career, health, lifestyle, beliefs, loss through miscarriage, divorce, relocation, etc.\r\n\r\nIt works equally well with losses from the past as it does with present losses. In fact, one of the first <strong>Healthy Grieving clients</strong> used the process to grieve the loss of her mother who had died <strong>22</strong> years before. She found the process <i>significantly liberating</i>. An experienced social worker called the <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> “<i>a higher consciousness approach to grief that opens the door to a lot<b> </b>of healing”</i>and a bereavement counselor felt that it had “<i>the ability to transform people’s lives.”</i>\r\n\r\nPlease be aware that the <strong>Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> are not conventional therapy. They are healing modalities like EFT or EMDR, and like them, it uses tools and techniques that you might not see in traditional psychotherapy. For example, the <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> <strong>Process</strong> uses deep inquiry with “why” questions, as well as kinesiology to test client responses.<strong>The Healthy Grieving Programs</strong> are not a fit for every counselor - or a modality you would use with every client - but it is an amazing process that produces very rapid results.\r\n\r\nFor those who want to know more than the introductory level or wish to develop a level of mastery with the process, a more comprehensive training is offered. We are exploring Continuing Education Certification as well as Professional Development Credits but at this time, no credits are available.\r\n\r\nFor more information, please <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/contact/">contact us</a></strong> using the contact page or call us at 303-339-0807.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Professional Training', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'professional-training', '', '', '2016-07-19 15:52:59', '2016-07-19 15:52:59', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=204', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(206, 1, '2016-01-19 10:55:26', '2016-01-19 10:55:26', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '206', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=206', 17, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(207, 1, '2016-01-19 10:57:11', '2016-01-19 10:57:11', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<img class="size-medium wp-image-294 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/new-growth1-300x225-300x225.jpg" alt="new-growth1-300x225" width="300" height="225" />GriefFree.org offers a<i> free</i> half-day introduction and mini-workshop to therapists and counselors who would like to learn more about the Healthy Grieving Resolution Program and how to incorporate it into their practice. The introductory workshop is approximately three-and-a-half hours. We can schedule weekday or weekend sessions. Typical morning sessions are from 9:00 a.m.-12:30, afternoon sessions are usually from 1:00-4:30, and evening sessions are also available.<b></b>\r\n\r\nIn the introductory mini-workshop, participants will leave the meeting with a basic understanding of the process and a new perspective for working with clients around grief and loss. For those who want to know more than the introductory level or wish to develop a level of mastery with the process, a <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Two-Day Intensive Training" href="http://www.grieffree.org/professional-training/two-day-intensive-training/">more comprehensive training</a></span></strong> is offered.\r\n\r\nWe are currently developing Professional Development courses that will introduce key aspects of the eight-week Healthy Grieving ResolutionProgram. Please check back to see our schedule or if you have any questions, <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/contact/">please contact us</a></strong>. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Introductory Mini-workshops', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'introductory-mini-workshops', '', '', '2016-07-16 16:39:03', '2016-07-16 16:39:03', '', 204, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=207', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(209, 1, '2016-01-19 10:57:58', '2016-01-19 10:57:58', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '209', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 204, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=209', 18, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(210, 1, '2016-01-19 10:59:32', '2016-01-19 10:59:32', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<img class="size-medium wp-image-299 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/new-growth-300x201-300x201.jpg" alt="new-growth-300x201" width="300" height="201" />We have changed the training program from the original <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> to an eight-week grieving program called The <strong>Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong>. This new program, which will be taught in a <strong>two-day workshop</strong>, is better suited for our cultural perspective on <strong>grief</strong> because it provides individuals with a gradual way to heal from grief. We have completed our first two-day workshop for the therapists who have already trained in the original process and will be offering the training to new therapists later this year.\r\n\r\n<strong>The Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong> was developed by <strong>David Cope</strong> in response to the cultural resistance to grieving the loss of a loved one in two sessions. It became clear from feedback that many individuals and therapists felt that grieving the loss of a loved one in such a short period of time was in some way “irreverent” – showing a lack of reverence or veneration for the loved one.  This feedback also exposed that there is a cultural morality that prescribes that the process of grieving a loved one is a sacred and revered human experience and requires a period of mourning to honor the loved one.\r\n\r\n<strong>The Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong> responds to this awareness by applying many of the fundamental principals of the human experience of grief and loss into an eight-week program. This program is also a healing modality; yet it provides the framework for individuals to <em>gradually</em> heal from the pain of <strong>grief</strong> and loss. It can be facilitated in either private therapy or in a group setting, which opens the program to individuals who find solace with others who are also grieving.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving Resolution program is based on the following principals of grief and loss:\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><strong>Grief</strong> is a normal and natural human experience. The program has a very powerful way for individuals to grasp the human experience of grief and loss and to normalize their personal experience of this natural human experience.</li>\r\n 	<li>Healing cannot take place at the level of a person’s story. The mind creates stories as a way to avoid the true feelings of loss and grief – the pain of loss is essentially suppressed by the stories. The program teaches individuals to safely transcend the stories of their loss and enter into their heart to express the truth of their experience where healing can begin to unfold.</li>\r\n 	<li>In every experience of <strong>grief</strong> <strong>and loss</strong>, there is an opportunity for growth and change with the awareness of the gift of the loss. This gift unfolds within the program and allows individuals to open their heart to the experience. The acknowledgment of this gift makes it functionally impossible to maintain the pain of the loss – it naturally dissipates over time.</li>\r\n 	<li>A broken heart is a closed heart. It is not possible for an individual to see the gift of loss as long as they maintain an <strong>emotional attachment</strong> to the pain and loss.The program teaches individuals how to open their heart anew by learning to feel their feelings around their loss, which is extremely effective in healing the emotional pain of the loss. From this fresh and unencumbered perspective, an individual can be open to the gift of the loss and clearly articulate it from their heart.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\nThe benefits of this new program are quite remarkable. The pain of the <strong>grief and loss</strong> is resolved which allows an individual to have a fresh and healthy perspective of their loss and a renewed attitude about moving forward constructively in their life. The program also instills individuals with a healthy view towards <strong>grief and loss</strong> and provides effective tools to face and manage future experiences of loss which are so common in the human experience.\r\n\r\nWe are no longer offering the original <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> through <strong>Grieffree.org</strong>. It has been renamed <strong>The</strong> <strong>Letting Go Process</strong> and will be reintroduced later this year within the context of a new psychology that <strong>David Cope</strong> has developed. If you have an interest in our new eight-week <strong>Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong>, <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/contact/">please contact us</a>.</strong>\r\n\r\nPlease visit our professional testimonials at the following link: <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Professional Testimonials" href="http://www.grieffree.org/professional-training/professional-testimonials/">Professional testimonials</a></span></strong>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Two-Day Intensive Training', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'two-day-intensive-training', '', '', '2016-08-08 23:05:27', '2016-08-08 23:05:27', '', 204, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=210', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(212, 1, '2016-01-19 11:01:56', '2016-01-19 11:01:56', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '212', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 204, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=212', 19, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(213, 1, '2016-01-19 11:04:15', '2016-01-19 11:04:15', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]We are pleased to announce a half-day <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> professional training, hosted by People House, a Denver counseling community that is a collaborative center for healing and growth.\r\n\r\nThis half-day Healthy Grieving training is appropriate for anyone who has been interested in attending a <strong>Healthy Grieving Introductory</strong> <strong>Workshop</strong> or those who have wanted to learn more about the process through a professional training.\r\n\r\nThe details of the program are as follows:<b> </b>\r\n<p align="center"><b>The Healthy Grieving Process® – Real Loss, Real Healing</b></p>\r\n<p align="center"><b>Tuesday, May 16, 2016</b><b></b></p>\r\n<p align="center"><b>1:30pm – 6:00pm</b><b></b></p>\r\n<p align="center"><b>People House, 3035 W. 25th Ave., Denver, CO 80211</b></p>\r\n<p align="center"><b>Cost: $65.00</b></p>\r\n<p align="center"><i>This training is eligible for professional development credits accepted by DORA.</i><i> </i></p>\r\n<p align="center">Registration: <b>peoplehouse.org/services/professional-development-series/</b></p>\r\n<p align="center"><b>or call 303.480.5130</b><b></b></p>\r\nThe revolutionary <strong>Healthy Grieving Process</strong> explores <strong>grief</strong> from the self-identity level, shifting the focus from the external loss to an inward exploration that provides rapid and transformational healing. Guided through the 6-step <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong>, clients are able to let go of the pain of <strong>grief</strong> in one or two sessions, integrating their loss into a renewed sense of wholeness.\r\n\r\nThis workshop will cover the basic principles of the Healthy Grieving process. In the training, participants will learn:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>A new modality that actually enables clients to heal from the pain of <strong>grief</strong>.</li>\r\n 	<li>An intriguing method that bypasses clients’ “stories” guiding them instead to their truth, because no healing can take place at the level of the story.</li>\r\n 	<li>A transformative process that differentiates between emotions and feelings, which one therapist says has enabled her to take clients “deeper than they’ve ever been before.”</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nFacilitators: David Cope, the creator of the Healthy Grieving Process and co-founder of GriefFree.org and Jenny Arribau, LPC, a trained Healthy Grieving bereavement counselor with a Master’s degree in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology from Naropa University.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Professional Development Classes', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'professional-development-classes', '', '', '2016-07-19 15:55:22', '2016-07-19 15:55:22', '', 204, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=213', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(215, 1, '2016-01-19 11:04:47', '2016-01-19 11:04:47', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '215', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 204, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=215', 20, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(216, 1, '2016-01-19 11:06:50', '2016-01-19 11:06:50', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="alignright wp-image-1227" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Grief-Free-Peggy-Lit.jpg" alt="Grief-Free-Peggy-Lit" width="331" height="300" /><strong>Peggy Lit</strong> grew up in a rural town in <strong>South Dakota</strong>. She never sought out “spiritual” awareness and was quite content living a “normal” life as a mother and provider. Until nine years ago, when something quite astonishing began that she was totally unprepared for.\r\n\r\nAs she looks back on her journey, she can now piece together the puzzle of her experiences of moving through stages of enlightenment. Though she acknowledges that her experiences of bliss and oneness were gems upon her pathway, she immediately knew at a very deep level, “This experience is not me, there is more.”\r\n\r\nEarly in her journey she believed that her smorgasbord of non-physical and <strong>spiritual experiences</strong> were experiences that were happening to her.  Over time, as she became more grounded in the experiences of her self, she understood the profound realization that these and many other amazing experiences were just <strong>Peggy</strong>, experiencing her self.\r\n\r\nAll of these expanding experiences provide the contextual foundation of her deeper awareness into the experience of her self and knowing who she is. <strong>Peggy</strong> now shares her <strong>extraordinary understanding</strong> of the complexities of the human condition by guiding others through the maze of human consciousness and ushering in the transformative experience of living from the heart.\r\n\r\n<strong>Peggy</strong> does not have any educational degrees to define her spiritual and consciousness acuity. In fact, she often reflects that she has no teachers, reads no books, nor attends workshops or seminars. It is from her inner unfolding that the concepts and experiences used to articulate her understanding are drawn; profound evidence that the answers are truly within all of us.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'About Peggy Lit', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'about-peggy-lit', '', '', '2016-07-18 16:06:22', '2016-07-18 16:06:22', '', 159, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=216', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(218, 1, '2016-01-19 11:07:26', '2016-01-19 11:07:26', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '218', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 159, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=218', 4, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(219, 1, '2016-01-19 11:09:45', '2016-01-19 11:09:45', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<img class="size-full wp-image-1230 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Grief-Free-David-R.-Cope.jpg" alt="Grief-Free-David-R.-Cope" width="264" height="398" />\r\n\r\n<strong>“David R. Cope is a pioneer in understanding the mechanics of the mind.”</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>David R. Cope</strong> has been a businessman all his adult life. His experience of an internal unfolding is the farthest thing he could ever have imagined. Twelve years ago he consciously set out to find answers to some of life’s most profound questions. He realized in an epiphany -  a micro-second flash of awareness - that all his problems and answers of his life lay within him. From this moment forth, he followed an unfolding of knowing that realized an amazing process of self-discovery.\r\n\r\nAs a pioneer in understanding the mechanics of <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">the mind</a></span></strong>, David has developed a continuous stream of innovative methods that allow individuals to outgrow chronic patterns of behavior and illnesses that have remained an enigma for mankind. The process of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> is just one of many transformational processes that reflect David’s profound understanding of the human experience.\r\n\r\nDavid does not have any educational degrees to define his psychological and consciousness acuity. In fact, he often shares that he has no teachers, reads no books, nor attends workshops or seminars. It is from his inner unfolding that the concepts and experiences used to articulate his understanding are drawn; <i>profound evidence that the answers are truly within all of us.</i>\r\n\r\nPlease see <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="David R. Cope CV/Resume" href="http://www.grieffree.org/about-us/david-r-cope-cvresume/">David’s CV/Resume</a></span></strong> which details his experience.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'About David R. Cope', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'about-david-r-cope', '', '', '2016-07-18 16:02:19', '2016-07-18 16:02:19', '', 159, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=219', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(221, 1, '2016-01-19 11:10:49', '2016-01-19 11:10:49', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '221', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 159, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=221', 5, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(222, 1, '2016-01-19 11:12:31', '2016-01-19 11:12:31', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<b>Professional Overview:                                                                                                                       </b>\r\n\r\n<strong>David R. Cope</strong> is a pioneer in understanding the mechanics of the mind. Over the last twelve years, he has developed cutting-edge psychological protocols that reinterpret and redefine the mainstream perspective on mankind’s chronic behavioral issues. His brilliance comes from an uncanny ability to interpret and articulate the methods of the mind and to translate these methods into straightforward and profoundly effective processes that effectuate deep transformational change.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>Professional Employment:                                                                                                                 </b>\r\n\r\nDavid is a Founder of The Center for Living from the Heart (The Center), a non-profit 501 (c)(3) organization and its affiliate The Institute for the Research and Study of Expanding Consciousness (IRSEC). The Center provides the formalized educational experience that is the testing ground for contextual material David has developed that teaches a transcendent view of one’s self and life. The educational experience effectively allows for the reorganization of the mind’s capacity to create one’s reality into a worldview that is consciously introspective and growth oriented. It capitalizes on mankind’s innate capacity to self-actualize its potentiality – the transformative process of internalizing an external reality. IRSEC is designed to provide scientific evidence for a) the evolutionary experience of the students of The Center, b) how context is the hidden determinant of the human consciousness and c) how consciousness can provide solutions to many of the mysteries of human behavior.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nDavid is a Founder of GriefFree.org, a non-profit organization that is dedicated to providing grief relief to the public and to training grief professionals in its revolutionary Healthy Grieving process. David<b> </b>developed this radically new grieving process which resolves the underlying issues that cause grief and provides a reliable method for individuals to heal from the painful experience of loss. The Healthy Grieving process is grounded in the concept that grief is the experience of the loss of one’s self-identity rather than the loss of a relationship, which is a breakthrough in the fundamental understanding of the experience of grief. Over the last five years, David has taken individuals through hundreds of applications of the Healthy Grieving process with consistent and remarkable results.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Research Experience: (</b>in descending chronological order<b>)</b>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Research and Study of Emotions and Feelings</b>: Conventional psychology does not effectively differentiate between emotions and feelings. David’s research into emotions and feelings uncovered that emotions are repressed feelings and are universal to all humans, whereas feelings are how a person “feels” about him/her self and are unique to each individual. This powerful revelation opened a window to an evolutionary perspective on the experience of feeling one’s feelings and unlocked the possibility of releasing unconscious repressed feelings that are the infrastructure of mankind’s psychological experience of its self. David developed The Healing Heart Method, a dynamic process that resolves the issue of suppression and internalization of emotions and unfolds a radical new reality of the potentiality of one’s self.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Clinical Study of Internalized Illnesses: </b>David<b> </b>developed the contextual environment and processes that formed the foundation of a groundbreaking clinical study to document that a) the mind internalizes one’s reality and the body responds with a vast array of internalized illnesses, b) by introducing a new context, the mind will reorganize the construct of reality, and c) the body will respond and outgrow the internalized illness. In less than seven months the clinical study has provided preliminary evidence of the outgrowth of chronic illnesses including: migraines, Crohn’s disease, depression, anxiety disorder, hypothyroidism, paralysis, fibromyalgia, myofascial pain, severe allergies and PTSD. The results of the two year clinical study will be published.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Research Interests in DNA and Epigenetic Therapy</b>: David is currently investigating the protocol necessary to test the following hypothesis: Individuals who are outgrowing chronic illnesses in the Clinical Study for Internalized Illnesses will show either a change in DNA sequence or gene expression as a result of epigenetic changes. The research would seek to prove that the context of the clinical study is the cause of the genetic alteration or expression which allowed the individuals to outgrow chronic illnesses. The research would be conducted concurrently with the Clinical Study for Internalized Illnesses.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Anthropological Study of  How Context is the Hidden Determinant of Human Consciousness:</b> David developed the contextual environment that supports a current anthropological study which uses qualitative/quantitative and ethnographic research methods to study the effect of context on the behavioral patterns and worldview of a group of individuals. This anthropological study is to document the ability to duplicate the “subjective” experience of internalization of an externalized reality and to study the effects of context on the capacity for self actualization. The results of the eighteen month anthropological study will be published at the conclusion of the study.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Independent Research and Study of the Human Grieving Process: </b>David<b> </b>designed a revolutionary grieving process that consistently allows individuals to move through grief to the acceptance stage. This process – trademarked as “Healthy Grieving” – is a breakthrough in the fundamental understanding of the experience of grief and provides the first grieving process that can produce consistent and measurable results. The process is grounded in the concept that grief is the experience of the loss of one’s self identity rather than the loss of a relationship. Healthy Grieving is currently being introduced to the public and to the community of professionals who support grieving individuals. David is writing an article on the Healthy Grieving process to be submitted to major journals for publication.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Independent Research and Study of the Constructs of the Mind: </b>This study<b> </b>precipitated a shift in the ideology of psychology by introducing the process of owning, which is experientially the awareness of: “I am my experiences, not what is happening to me.” The process of owning allows for “personal causality” – a deep realization of one’s unique reaction to the experiences of life. With owning, individuals conceptually take full responsibility for their reactions and projections onto life, which leads to dramatic and rapid changes in individual’s core experience of their self and their worldview. Essentially, the process of owning allows for self -acceptance that is fundamental to an individual’s self-esteem. This process is the basis of David’s continuous stream of innovative methods that have allowed individuals to outgrow chronic patterns of behavior that have remained an enigma for mankind.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Independent Research and Study of Applied Kinesiology in a Therapy Setting:</b> David discovered that having a method to bypass the mind is critical to changing deeply-rooted behavioral patterns because individuals are unconsciously trapped in the perfected process of the construct of the mind, which is to avoid change. This study proved that by using Applied Kinesiology (muscle testing) or a similar tool to “outsmart” the mind, individuals in a therapy setting can consistently transcend the stories of their chronic behavioral patterns and make deep transformational changes. The use of muscle testing to bypass the mind supports his theory that constructive change cannot take place at the level of an individual’s stories because stories are the mind’s method of preventing self awareness. This research provided the basis for David to refine and redefine the technique of muscle testing so it can be used as an innovative tool to support the study and understanding of human behavior..\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Independent Research and Study of the Mechanics of the Mind: </b>The study has uncovered the concept of separation which is defined as the capacity to define one’s experience of self as “that” (behavioral pattern). Separation effectively creates the space for individuals to see their constructs as the experience of their self. This concept overcomes the mind’s compulsion to dissociate, which is defined as: “I am not that.” The extended study and use of separation led David to extrapolate how the mind organizes itself to create the reality of one’s experience of life. From this extrapolation, David formulated intriguing processes that allow individuals to articulate the mechanics of their behavioral patterns for self reflection and outgrowing. Separation is the critical a prior to the process of owning and the first step in resolving deeply rooted behavioral issues.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Independent Study and Research of Food Allergies and Diet:</b> David’s experience of outgrowing his own chronic allergies laid the foundation for this study which proved: a) the body will outgrow chronic food allergies by a change in diet and b) by using a method such as Applied Kinesiology (muscle testing), a diet can be structured specifically for an individual that will support the outgrowing of food allergies. This treatment for food allergies is a major advancement over the traditional concept of the identification and elimination of allergic foods in a person’s diet and the use of drugs to suppress allergic responses.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<b>Independent Research and Study of Consciousness:</b> David developed novel technologies to measure consciousness which led to the discovery of the interrelationship of individuals’ self identity and worldview, and their consciousness. The research identified the relationship of the left and right brain to consciousness and how this relationship determines an individual’s consciousness. It was discovered that an individual’s consciousness is normally constant throughout life, much like an individual’s intelligence and can be influenced by context.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>Publications:                                                                                                                  </b>\r\n\r\nAuthor of <i>The Rule Book of Life</i>, which is the primary teaching methodology of The Center. <i>The Rule Book of Life</i> is a profound expression of the transformation of human consciousness. It teaches how life can be used creatively as the tool for the unfolding of self actualization.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>Teaching Experience:                                                                                </b>\r\n\r\nDavid has created the curriculum and collateral teaching material for The Center. He teaches all courses and workshops designed to re-educate adults and children in a transformative approach to life. This course of study is the aggregate result of the nine years of research and study mentioned above.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>Professional Training:       </b>\r\n\r\nSelf taught through experiential awareness and application. All concepts and materials developed herein are originally inspired without teachers, educational material, or institutional learning.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>Education:                               </b>\r\n\r\nUniversity of Vermont\r\n\r\nBachelor Degree in Business[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'David R. Cope CV/Resume', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'david-r-cope-cvresume', '', '', '2016-07-18 16:08:48', '2016-07-18 16:08:48', '', 159, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=222', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(225, 1, '2016-01-19 11:13:04', '2016-01-19 11:13:04', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '225', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 159, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=225', 6, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(226, 1, '2016-01-19 11:14:34', '2016-01-19 11:14:34', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThis Website is owned by Grieffree.org, a non-profit corporation located in Littleton, Colorado.  The website and its contents are provided with restrictions and limitations as provided for below.  By accessing or using the website, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agree to be bound by all the terms and conditions of this Agreement.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nPlease read these Terms of Use carefully before using this site. By using this site, you signify your agreement with these Terms of Use. If you do not agree with any of the Terms of Use as described below, please do not use this site or any information provided. Grieffree.org reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to modify, alter or otherwise update these Terms of Use at any time. By using this site after notice of such changes is posted, you agree to be bound by the modifications, alterations or updates.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>TRADEMARKS, COPYRIGHTS, AND RESTRICTIONS:</b>\r\n\r\nAll material on this site is protected by copyrights, trademarks, and other rights which are owned and/or controlled by Grieffree.org. You may use material from this site for your own personal, non-commercial use. Unauthorized modification of the materials or use of the materials for any other purpose is a violation of the Federal copyright and trademark laws and other proprietary rights. Material from this site may not be copied, reproduced, republished, uploaded, posted, transmitted, or distributed in any way without express written authorization.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nGrieffree.org grants you a limited non-exclusive, revocable license to access and make personal and non-commercial use of this website, provided you do not modify, alter or download any portion of it unless you have obtained written authorization in advance from Grieffree.org. The permission granted to you shall terminate automatically and immediately if you breach any of the terms or conditions set forth in this Agreement.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<b>Limitations of Use, Restrictions, Disclaimers, and Responsibilities:</b>\r\n\r\nWhile the Healthy Grieving process has produced remarkable results, it is in the experimental stage and thus individuals using the Healthy Grieving process must use their sole discretion and take full responsibility for their use of it. Further, David R. Cope, the author of this material, is not a licensed health professional and does not make any claims to that effect. You should address specific psychological, medical or emotional problems with a professional in the health field or where appropriate, a qualified physician. No concepts that are revealed or discussed in this website are intended to dismiss or alter your pursuit of traditional psychological, medical or emotional options. There are many variables that can determine the effectiveness of the Healthy Grieving process for each individual; therefore, this process is not intended to be a one-size-fits all program. Grieffree.org is in full support of your own informed personal choices.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nBy accepting the Terms of Use you acknowledge knowing, understanding, and in full, appreciating all possible risks of your personal use of the information in this website and the Healthy Grieving process, and therefore, you expressly, voluntarily and willingly assume all risks associated with this information and process. As a condition of the use of any material for personal use, you agree to release Greiffree.org, its officers, volunteers, and agents from any and all damages and claims arising from any cause from the use of the material in this website and The Healthy Grieving Process.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Terms of Use Agreement', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'terms-of-use-agreement', '', '', '2016-03-26 02:58:06', '2016-03-26 02:58:06', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=226', 0, 'page', '', 0),
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(229, 1, '2016-01-19 11:19:04', '2016-01-19 11:19:04', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_basic_grid post_type="post" max_items="20" style="pagination" items_per_page="4" element_width="6" arrows_design="vc_arrow-icon-arrow_01_left" arrows_position="outside" arrows_color="juicy_pink" paging_design="pagination_rounded_square" paging_color="juicy_pink" grid_id="vc_gid:1461294817084-eee2fd7394d900fbf1588a2200fc41a9-10" paging_animation_in="fadeInRight" paging_animation_out="fadeOutLeft"][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Blogs', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'blog', '', '', '2016-04-22 03:15:51', '2016-04-22 03:15:51', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=229', 0, 'page', '', 0),
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(235, 1, '2016-01-19 13:50:34', '2016-01-19 13:50:34', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="100"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nYou may contact <strong>Peggy or David at <a href="mailto:info@grieffree.org">info@grieffree.org</a></strong> or use this convenient contact form.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][contact-form-7 id="1170"][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Contact', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'contact', '', '', '2016-03-31 20:58:54', '2016-03-31 20:58:54', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=235', 0, 'page', '', 0),
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(287, 1, '2016-01-19 15:51:26', '2016-01-19 15:51:26', '', 'Being honest', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', '2thrumywindow-400x301', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:29:24', '2016-03-21 19:29:24', '', 198, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/2thrumywindow-400x301.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(288, 1, '2016-01-19 15:51:58', '2016-01-19 15:51:58', '', 'Owning', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'sun-thru-forest-200x300', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:29:09', '2016-03-21 19:29:09', '', 198, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/sun-thru-forest-200x300.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(289, 1, '2016-01-19 15:52:26', '2016-01-19 15:52:26', '', 'Separation', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'sun-through-tree-on-hill-400x300', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:28:56', '2016-03-21 19:28:56', '', 198, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/sun-through-tree-on-hill-400x300.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(294, 1, '2016-01-19 15:56:58', '2016-01-19 15:56:58', '', 'Mini-workshops', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'new-growth1-300x225', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:30:20', '2016-03-21 19:30:20', '', 207, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/new-growth1-300x225.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(299, 1, '2016-01-19 15:59:59', '2016-01-19 15:59:59', '', 'Intensive Training', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'new-growth-300x201', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:30:36', '2016-03-21 19:30:36', '', 210, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/new-growth-300x201.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(307, 1, '2016-01-19 16:08:02', '2016-01-19 16:08:02', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_single_image image="1509" img_size="full" style="vc_box_rounded"][vc_column_text]Please read all the wonderful <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Personal Testimonials" href="http://www.grieffree.org/personal-testimonials/">personal testimonials</a></span></strong> for the Healthy Grieving process by clicking on the link below.[/vc_column_text][vc_button title="Read More" color="primary" size="large" margin_top="-20" link="url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.grieffree.org%2Fpersonal-testimonials%2F||target:%20_blank"][vc_empty_space][vc_single_image image="1508" img_size="full" style="vc_box_rounded"][vc_column_text]Please read the <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Professional Testimonials" href="http://www.grieffree.org/professional-testimonials/">testimonials from professionals</a></span></strong> who have experienced the Healthy Grieving process by clicking on the link below.[/vc_column_text][vc_button title="Read More" color="primary" size="large" margin_top="-20" link="url:http%3A%2F%2Fwww.grieffree.org%2Fprofessional-testimonials%2F||target:%20_blank"][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Testimonials', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'testimonials', '', '', '2016-07-25 19:44:08', '2016-07-25 19:44:08', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=307', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(309, 1, '2016-01-19 16:08:37', '2016-01-19 16:08:37', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '309', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=309', 22, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(311, 1, '2016-01-19 16:12:31', '2016-01-19 16:12:31', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_video link="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mhxe-Yn99Fo"][vc_column_text]<strong>Powerfully transformative …</strong>\r\n\r\nI used the grieving process to help me let go of a relationship that had been over for many years.  Sure I had “moved on with my life” but I still dreamed about my ex often and could still be triggered by news of him.  Despite all the work I had done, including therapy, something still hadn’t fully let go.  I thought that I missed “him,” our marriage, the life we had together, all we were to each other, but what I couldn’t see – the missing piece for me – was that what I was missing was what it <i>gave to me </i>and what it <i>did for me</i>. . .  it wasn’t the loss of the person; it was what I got from it.\r\n\r\n<b><i></i></b><b><i>Identifying the actual loss</i></b> I was grieving – and being honest about it and being willing to go deep to find it — turned out to be the key in setting me free.  I also used the process with a subsequent relationship and I even use it to grieve the ongoing losses with my mother’s Alzheimer’s disease.  Yes, there are very real losses with this terrible disease – and of course her death will also be a real loss – but even so, I find that if I can identify what I am actually missing, it makes a huge difference in how I feel, and allows me to move through the process rather than be stuck in an unhealthy way.\r\n\r\n<b></b><b>2/2014 Update</b>: My mother passed away two months ago.  We had a very close relationship and this is my first experience of a death of someone close to me, yet I am doing amazingly well. When my mom died, I was overcome with <strong>grief</strong> at the finality of the loss of her, even though I’d been losing her over the past year.  There were moments I thought the grief would overtake me; it hurt that much.  But I found that by allowing myself to feel the full brunt of all my feelings, including the nearly-overpowering waves of pain and loss that would wash over me, and by honestly identifying what losing my mom meant <i>to me </i>and to my sense of myself, I was able to move through the <strong>grief process</strong> very quickly – within two months — compared to close friends who have also lost their mothers in the past year.  Many of them are still in pain and I am at peace.\r\n\r\nFor those willing to undertake the difficult tasks of a) experiencing the full impact of the painful feelings of loss and b) doing the deep work of being honest about how the loss affects one’s own sense of self, the Healthy Grieving process can be powerfully transformative in moving through the pain to a place of peace where thoughts of the person bring feelings of love rather than grief.\r\n\r\nMaury Cohen\r\n\r\n<strong>truly revolutionary….</strong>\r\n\r\nDavid has an uncanny ability to articulate deep transformation processes into straightforward worksheets. I have worked with most of David’s processes and can attest to their amazing delivery of inner awareness. His pioneering work in owning, the process of letting go, provides the foundation for Healthy Grieving. I feel very fortunate to have personally worked with David’s grieving process to experience the wonderful feeling of love and appreciation that the Healthy Grieving promises. I have also used the Healthy Grieving process in many different applications with my clients with great success. With great appreciation, I can testify to its incredible healing capabilities. It truly is revolutionary.\r\n\r\nPeggy Lit\r\n\r\n<strong>gave me the power to take back my life…</strong>\r\n\r\nMy mom died when I was 18 years old. I remember blaming God for taking my mother away and I used alcohol and drugs to numb my pain. Whenever life presented a triggering experience such as a wedding, I would feel devastated and become depressed. This was the way I experienced the death of my Mom throughout my life. Twenty years later, I was willing to look at the death of my mom in the grieving process with David. The results have been life changing. The huge burden of carrying around the pain and <strong>grief</strong> is gone. I can now actually remember my mother in all the good times rather than the negative experiences I was holding onto. I no longer hold myself back from experiencing my self in life by getting depressed. This process made me wish I could have done this twenty years ago. It gave me the power to take my life back, never realizing how deeply it affected my whole entire life. And, it opened the doors to a greater understanding of my self.\r\n\r\nJenny Germano\r\n\r\n<strong>empowered me to take back responsibility for <i>myself…</i></strong>\r\n\r\nThe transformations that I continue to undergo with The Healthy Grieving Process are nothing short of tremendous. I feel freedom in my personal truth, my voice, and most importantly in my heart. There is lightness in my body that I have never known as well as the confidence to just be myself. Because The Healthy Grieving Process is so dynamic, it has been able to help me move past self-limiting beliefs and behavior patterns that stand in the way of me living a fulfilling life. I have successfully grieved and resolved various roles that I have played throughout my life to make room for who I actually am at the core. After working with this process for only a month, I have resolved issues that I have been working on for five plus years. It has truly been the missing link to my inner work. The beauty of this healing process is that no one “did” anything to me. Instead, The Healthy Grieving Process has empowered me to take back responsibility for <i>myself</i> to find the answers within <i>me</i> in order to heal <i>me</i>. I have learned that all I need is with me, and I actually really feel that and understand what that means now.  David and Peggy are true teachers and guides who have given the world such a gift with this work. I don’t think I could imagine not having this work in my life now. It is making all the difference in my journey of self-growth and healing.\r\n\r\nKaryn Seitz\r\n\r\n<strong>a new found freedom…</strong>\r\n\r\nI knew I had a block that was preventing me from moving forward with my Dad’s death which occurred two years ago. I had been through a lot of therapy yet I was still seeking answers and was ready to get to the core of the issue. I really was afraid I was going to be in pain the rest of my life.\r\n\r\nAs compared to traditional therapy, The Healthy Grieving process was an intentional, structured, and had an end goal. I was guided in a safe environment that allowed me to peel back the layers at a depth I have never been before. The process afforded me an avenue to explore some very painful core issues regarding my relationship with my Dad. The benefit is now I have a better relationship with him.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process has allowed me to be more present and joyful with my family. The dread and the longing for my Dad to be around has subsided and I often feel the loving support and benevolent presence of my father’s spirit, which is so beautiful. I feel like I have wind underneath my wings with a new found freedom and an excitement for my life and all of its possibilities.\r\n\r\nAmy Schaller\r\n\r\n<strong>it’s amazing…</strong>\r\n\r\nSince I had worked with the Healthy Grieving process previously on another issue, I was prepared to start the grieving process for my Dad right after his funeral. I knew I wanted to grieve him and move on with my life because I understand that holding onto things in life holds me back – grieving provides the space for me to continue to grow.\r\n\r\nI can see how my family is still struggling with my Dad’s death six months later. This was especially evident when I went home for a family reunion. Most of the family members were anxious in their need to cling to his memory through his personal belongings. Thanks to the Healthy Grieving process, I did not feel a need to have any of his belongings because I have only great memories of my Dad that are secure within my heart. I almost sensed a feeling of freedom knowing I was in such a great place and was ready to move on with my life.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process gets to grief at such a deep level and allows me to pull up stuff that would never have dawned on me. I feel so blessed to have this tool in my life, in so many ways, because it helps me to let go. It’s amazing.\r\n\r\nLorraine Ciccone\r\n\r\n<strong>I can be totally here …</strong>\r\n\r\nA month after my Dad died I was ready to grieve his death and move forward in my life. I clearly knew that what I had been feeling was related to an attachment that I had with my Dad and my self-identity.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process gave me a sense of clarity so I could no longer fool myself about what I was really feeling. The process focused on exactly the key feelings that I needed to worked on. Now, I feel like I only have healthy feelings of remembrance of my Dad who passed away four months ago. I am no longer feeling sorry for myself or feeling guilty like I did a few weeks before the process. Even when I remember my Dad when he was sick, I know that he was only a human being who suffered; I am now separated from his suffering. I feel like I am in some kind of joy, a sense of freedom, and that I can be totally here.\r\n\r\nIf you are brave and open enough, The Healthy Grieving process allows you to really understand why you are feeling what you are and how to get out of the spiral of nonsense caused by the attachments. I discovered totally unexpected things about myself that helped me value myself a lot more. Now, I agree with who I am.\r\n\r\nGustavo Arizpe\r\n\r\n<strong>“my miracle”…</strong>\r\n\r\nMy youngest grandson was gone; it felt like the weeping would never end. Death can come in many disguises and though my grandson is alive and living in Seattle now, the ache of separation was a familiar haunting from years ago when my first 2 children we''re kidnapped by their father and I didn''t see them for 8 years.  I spent years in therapy and thousands of dollars over that trauma as I continued to limp through life.\r\n\r\nWhen I heard about, <strong>GriefFree.org</strong> and the Healthy Grieving process, I jumped in with both feet, heart and mind. I was READY to be FREE of the pain that felt like a large boulder sitting in the pit of my stomach.\r\n\r\nDavid lowered me like a water bucket into the well of fresh, sparkling water of my own life. This experience was like taking my dirty car to the carwash. I went in full of crud and dirt and came out clean, lighter and restored to my original design.  I call this experience “My Miracle” because it was quick, realistic, and honorable. It accomplished in a nano second what years of therapy and a bank full of money could not do.\r\n\r\nThank you so much.\r\n\r\nPatsy Levad, Denver, CO\r\n\r\n<strong>amazing how rapidly I grieved my father…</strong>\r\n\r\nAbout a year ago my father was given less than a year to live. I struggled in the beginning with it but I was able to prepare myself by doing grieving work with the Healthy Grieving process. The grieving process really supported me in all the stages of his dying because I was able to spend quality time and really enjoy my time with him. This incredible process allowed me to address what I was feeling inside so I did not shut down by numbing out and not wanting to feel the feelings. When my mother died 20 years ago I shut down; I carried the burden of my mother’s death around with me for 20 years and I felt trapped in the pain of losing her.\r\n\r\nIt was quite amazing how rapidly I grieved my father because of all the grieving work I did. Within a few days of my father’s passing I knew that I had fully grieved him. Though there was some guilt associated with grieving him so quickly, I knew that I only had fond memories of my father without any underlying heaviness.\r\n\r\nGrieving my father gave me back a part of my self and my life. I was able to let go of being a daughter and the expectations I lived my life by as one. The gift I got from this deep work was I saw that I needed my father to save me, which is why I wanted to save him, so I could go on relying on him in my life. In the end I saved myself because I got back a part of myself that I had given away to being a daughter for 41 years.\r\n\r\nJenny Germano\r\n\r\n<strong>The Healthy Grieving process was awesome…</strong>\r\n\r\nI knew I had unresolved feelings about my mother’s death and that I was suppressing the overall meaning of her life. This was getting in the way of my work and my relationships where I was not being able to hold my own; I was living a life half-lived.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process was awesome; it left me feeling supported which is very important to me. I am now allowing myself more conscious memories of my mother to immerge especially around cooking with my Mom – I can now acknowledge that my mother was a wonderful cook. I feel free of the competitiveness with my Mom I once had.  Recently, I looked at an old picture of my Mom in a drawer and I looked at her with compassion as I could see the fear in her face. I am feeling joyful that I can connect with her, recognizing my own fears. I feel myself melting as I say this, a feeling of joy. I recognize this more profound joy related to my mother.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process revealed something different than I anticipated. It is a tough process but I felt encouraged and it led to my going deeper in the process. The miracle of the process is that I am allowing myself to feel more attached to the positive aspects of my relationship with my mother.\r\n\r\nEugenia Rossi\r\n\r\n<strong>This is how I wanted to feel my whole life…</strong>\r\n\r\nI remember thinking I had been living in like a B movie and now it felt like I was in a top-rated film. I felt this whole other energy in me. I knew that the sad stories were not who I am; they were just a story, a tape, something that likes to feed on its own pain, but it’s not really true, it’s not really me, I can make a different choice, <b><i>those stories are not the truth of who I am.     </i></b><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="The Experience of the Healthy Grieving Process" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-experience-of-the-healthy-grieving-process/"><i>Read More…</i></a></span></strong>\r\n\r\nAnonymous upon request\r\n\r\n<strong>brought me healing and understanding like nothing else…</strong>\r\n\r\nI have tried many different forms of therapies – individual counseling, support groups, yoga, meditation, and even shamanic practices – to alleviate my grief. All of these things have brought me comfort and insight, but the Healthy Grieving Process has brought me healing and understanding like nothing else.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving Process provides me tangible tools to probe into the depths of my<strong> grief</strong> in order to explore my pain, not run from it. The more I work with the process, the more whole and free I become l as my <strong>grief</strong> becomes integrated into who I am. I am learning how to live from and listen to my heart, which is opening new doors in my career, my relationships, and my own self-awareness.\r\n\r\nLauren Cooper\r\n\r\n<strong>it released me from my own suffering…</strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>David’s grieving process</strong> taught me that I am the cause of my own mental suffering.  I realized by not doing the work on grieving that I can hide behind the <strong>grief</strong> and not look at myself to see what is really going on.  Then I can blame the person or situation for my pain and suffering.  This grieving process taught me how to be brutally honest with myself about the meaning and projecting I put on the person or situation.  It showed me how I was using them to fill me.  What I was lacking within myself is what I was looking for outside of myself.  Once I learned what I am projecting onto them, then I can learn to give that back to me and take care of myself instead of depending on someone or something else to complete me.  The hardest part of the process is seeing myself and owning my own experiences as me.\r\n\r\nThis grieving process has changed my life.  The process has allowed me to see how I have been running from my life and not wanting to see who I am.  It released me from my own suffering.  This process is the greatest gift I have given to myself.  I still use this to this day.\r\n\r\nCarol Osepowicz\r\n\r\n<strong>It is like I am born again…</strong>\r\n\r\nI went through the Healthy Grieving process the day of my mother’s passing. I had the courage to do it because I knew it would help me resolve the pain I was feeling.  Not only did it let go of the pain, but it helped me have clarity about everything that was happening around her death, Without doing the process, I could never had talked at my mother’s funeral and been able to cope with all the emotional turmoil that was happening around me.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process allowed me to have a deep appreciation for my Mom.  I can now completely understand her life and why it was the way it was.  I have an acceptance of her and her life that I have never felt before.  I see, feel and know the gift she was to me.  I have a sense of clarity I have never experience before.  I feel so huge, so spacious and full of possibilities. It all feels new, clean and fresh, like a blooming flower.  It is like I am born again, having given birth to my own self.\r\n\r\nHealthy Grieving is a simple, yet direct process which allows for very quick and effective healing to take place. The gift of the healing process was that it healed the relationship with my mother and left a deep loving awareness of my Mom and her life. What a wonderful gift I gave to myself and my Mom.\r\n\r\nPenny Steinkamp\r\n\r\n<strong>I am literally blown away by what this work revealed…</strong>\r\n\r\nI feel so happy and grateful that I got to experience the victim process and the Healthy Grieving process, and I want to encourage anyone struggling like I was, especially struggling with a difficult past, to do this work. I would have told you that I was not a victim, and yet I actually subtly blamed everything in my life on my mom and my past. Eventually you have to forgive and move on. I thought I had, but I found out I really hadn’t. I thought I was a pillar of strength but I was just blaming everything wrong in my life on my mom, yet truly not aware that I was doing that.\r\n\r\nI am literally blown away by what this work revealed, and at how much I had been carrying for so long. This work has been life changing for me. If anyone can experience even a small portion of what has changed my life, I would like to help them do it; and I hope by sharing my story, someone else will benefit like I did.  <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Being A Victim to the Experience of Loss" href="http://www.grieffree.org/being-a-victim-to-the-experience-of-loss/">Read her story…</a></span></strong>\r\n\r\n<strong>somehow it got magically released…</strong>\r\n\r\n“I used the process to grieve not having the chance to say goodbye to my grandfather who died when I was 13. I missed the chance to say goodbye because I went to a friend’s sleepover instead. What is so interesting and enlightening about Healthy Grieving process is that I really had no idea that bundled in with the feeling of regret that I missed saying goodbye was a belief that I could not trust myself or my own decision making as a result of that night. I had no idea how much that underlying belief affected my day-to-day life. Somehow, with the Healthy Grieving process, I was able to let it all go — guilt over my decision, judging myself for how I reacted to his death and wondering what was wrong with me, missing saying goodbye, and the big issue of not trusting myself and my choices. Somehow it all got magically released and I am at peace. I cried like crazy going through the process, but you do come out the other end –and now I feel way different.”\r\n\r\nAnonymous upon request\r\n\r\n<strong>grateful beyond words..</strong>\r\n\r\nI have used David’s grieving process for a divorce, a life style change, and most recently for my cat Wims, that I had to give away. I used the grieving process for Wims because I realized that I was in denial of my feelings of letting her go.  The organization of the grieving process is a big part of the gift. It helped me on a step by step basis in showing me what was really underneath giving my cat away. I came away with a profound realization that as long as I have a living being in my space, I have a purpose in my life. Without this living being, I am lost and empty; I have no identity. From my work with the grieving process, I can now have the experience of my self without the <i>need</i> of another person or pet in my space to show me that I exist.\r\n\r\nThis process has taught me to turn inward to see my own value; I don’t need something outside myself to prove it anymore. The transformational gift of this process is the ability to feel the pain within and come out the other side as growth. I realize that life is always on the other side.\r\n\r\nI am grateful beyond words for this grieving process as it has been instrumental in who I have become.\r\n\r\nValerie Hale\r\n\r\n<strong>the process was incredibly helpful and empowering…</strong>\r\n\r\nI used the grieving process when I had to give up my dog for adoption. It felt right that I needed to grieve my dog to move on in my life. The process got rid of all my sadness and allowed me to be more open to giving her away. I realized through the process that what I was really letting go was my childhood and growing up. By doing the process, I felt a pretty big weight was lifted off my chest. I was a lot more relaxed and happy with my dog about her leaving and never seeing her again. Now, I only remember the happy memories and don’t dwell on the part that I had to give her away. As I look back, the process was incredibly helpful and empowering: I realized that <b><i>I </i></b>can change and be the one to take the weight off <b><i>my</i></b> chest. I am really glad I did the process.\r\n\r\nMarleigh Sizemore (age 15)\r\n\r\n<strong>it feels exciting, invigorating, and healthy…</strong>\r\n\r\nMy parents have been dead for a long time. I have known my whole life that I have always been lost to myself because of all my parent’s problems. Since their death, I have hung onto the things I did not get from my parents: security, stability, and knowing somebody was there for me. I felt this big emptiness inside me and a longing to feel that they cared for me. I kept holding these thoughts in my mind over the years thinking that would actually replace somebody caring for me.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process, in a flash of illumination and clarity, got to the core of where my thinking needed to change in order for me to move on in my life. I have stopped all the wallowing and grief tied to the past. I am still scared of being the person who doesn’t give their power away to fantasies, wishes, and desires; things that can never be what they were. And now, I realize all the stuff about my parents was really about my self identity of needing to be needed. The grieving process is pretty incredible. I have gained the courage to let go of the past and the freedom to start creating my own life. I am connecting to people in a whole new way; it feels exciting, invigorating, and healthy.\r\n\r\nDonna Jacobs\r\n\r\n<strong>unhealthy grief was holding me back</strong>\r\n\r\n“I used the Healthy Grieving process to let go of an attachment to a house I had moved away from years ago.  I didn’t realize I was still holding on, but when I saw ‘loss of a home” on the list of possible applications for the Healthy Grieving process, it kind of jumped out at me and I knew immediately that it was something I needed to look at.  We have been living in our new state for many years but we told ourselves we couldn’t afford to buy a home here so we just kept renting, but finances turned out not to be the real issue.  When I did the Healthy Grieving process, I discovered that under the story of the beloved house that I had left behind  was the belief that that house was as good as it could — or would — ever get for me. The underlying issue wasn’t the loss of the “perfect house;” it was a limitation on what I believed was possible for me and my life.  I know the Healthy Grieving process really works because within a week of completing the worksheet and letting go of the loss I’d been holding onto, my husband and I were out looking at houses, finding many in our price range that we liked, and even making offers.  <b>Update </b><b>January 2015</b> - I am writing this from my new home! How about that?!  Three months to manifestation of a dream I have had for seven years.  I give credit to the GriefFree process…I didn’t even realize how unhealthy grief was holding me back!\r\n\r\nAnonymous upon request.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Personal Testimonials', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'personal-testimonials', '', '', '2016-07-25 19:46:42', '2016-07-25 19:46:42', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=311', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(313, 1, '2016-01-19 16:13:58', '2016-01-19 16:13:58', ' ', '', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', '313', '', '', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '2016-07-25 18:24:03', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?p=313', 23, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(314, 1, '2016-01-19 16:15:21', '2016-01-19 16:15:21', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<strong>different from any grief support paradigm you’ve known in the past…</strong>\r\n\r\nMany times you hear a teaching described as revolutionary. Part of the definition of the word revolution is, “a sudden change in a system”.  I believe the Healthy Grieving process is a way that kind of change can genuinely happen.  The two day seminar was a wonderful introduction, allowing me to see how this could not only bring about sudden change and growth in my life, but how I could use this in my counseling practice.  I was challenged to process emotions and feelings in a way that was truly different. I began to see how this could change the trajectory within a counseling relationship and move people beyond the story telling to real healing and a new, more accurate self identity.\r\n\r\nI would highly recommend this seminar; it will be different from any grief support paradigm you’ve known in the past.   The setting for learning was personal, fast moving, and interactive while David and Peggy share a heartfelt passion that flows freely from their lives bringing the material alive in a unique way.  It was totally worth the investment of time and resources.\r\n\r\nDeanne Helmboldt MA, LMFT\r\n\r\nGreeley, Colorado\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>I walked away with a whole new perspective about grief …</strong>\r\n\r\nGrieffree.org is an incredibly passionate, caring and generous group of people who are truly in it for the greater good.  David, Peggy, and everyone at Grieffree.org has been, and continues to be extremely encouraging, compassionate and excited about sharing the Healthy Grieving Process with myself and other helping professionals.  Both the Introductory Training, and the Two-Day Professional Training far exceeded my expectations.  I walked away with a whole new perspective about grief and a way to let go of what no longer serves me, as well as a way to help other people do the same. This work has shown me that healing is not only about gathering new tools and techniques to cope with life in a more effective way, nor is it just about surrendering to and accepting ourselves.  If and when the time is right, healing can allow us to fully own every action we have ever taken, let go of the past, and thus, set ourselves free.  Yes, this is easier said than done, <i>and </i>I believe that it’s well worth the effort; it can lead to a more peaceful and gratifying existence.  If you are ready, don’t hold back!  Dive into this work and watch your world transform.\r\n\r\nJenny Arribau, MA  True Self Therapy, LLC\r\n\r\nPsychotherapist in Denver, CO\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>a clear process, connecting concepts to my own feelings and experiences...</strong>\r\n\r\nFor most of my life, I have been searching for meaning, purpose, and inner peace. I have read countless books, engaged in psychotherapy and devoted a career to psychiatry. I have grown in many ways and gained much wisdom. Nonetheless, I frequently find I have difficulty putting it all together. That is until I met David. He has incredible insight and has provided me with essential tools that I have yet to encounter. Never before in my training have I learned such a clear process, connecting concepts to my own feelings and experiences. What’s more, he teaches techniques that you can use to enhance your own growth. I am already noticing significant benefits from my work with him. I am forever grateful for David and what he has brought to my life.\r\n\r\nAdam Burstein, DO\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>it empowers clients to find peace and healing within them …</strong>\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving Process is helping me guide clients towards more meaningful inner work in conjunction with the energy medicine that my practice is centered around. They are noticing transformational shifts in their lives by learning how to feel their feelings and by taking back ownership for their life experiences. Watching clients change their lives is the most rewarding experience I can have as a helping professional. This work is honest and revolutionary, and it empowers clients to find peace and healing within them. It guides people towards resolution of their root issues instead of covering up the symptoms. I was unable to get clients to that deeper place within them without The Healthy Grieving Process. What is even more beautiful is that I can truly empathize with my clients because I am also doing my own grief work with this modality. I am able to be more vulnerable, which creates a safe and nurturing space for clients to also be more open and willing to explore the uncharted territory of their souls. The Healthy Grieving Process brings cohesiveness to my work that ripples out into the world to create change. I feel like I am able to make a difference now and that I am serving the community in a much more profound and effective way.\r\n\r\nKaryn Seitz  The Soul’s Thread\r\n\r\nDenver, CO\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>a direct experience that has renewed my life…</strong>\r\n\r\nI attended two introductory Healthy Grieving workshops and the two-day training. The introductory workshops are like snapshots, whereas in the two-day training you get to experience and understand the process more in slow motion.\r\n\r\nThe workshops and the training reinforced the awareness that I have conceptualized my experience rather than living it or feeling it. I was able to clearly see my pattern of withholding and intellectualizing my experience.  I know that as a result of early trauma and a near death experience, I was drawn to study psychology, and was seduced by the framework of understanding the pyscho-social journey. I more or less turned over my identification to the process of studying these concepts.  They all made sense to me but they did not touch into my personal emotional experience; they conceptualized it but they weren’t it.\r\n\r\nPsychology is a template. It isn’t the real thing. It’s a description of something…  <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="A Professional Perspective" href="http://www.grieffree.org/a-professional-perspective/">read more</a></span></strong>\r\n\r\nRobert Kaplan, MSW\r\n\r\nDenver, CO\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>a personal sense of healing and forgiveness…</strong>\r\n\r\nAs a hospice bereavement coordinator, I was interested in learning about the Healthy Grieving process and experiencing it for myself.\r\n\r\nWhat’s unique about this approach is that rather than the loss being about someone or something external, this process guides us to bring the loss into our own being and look at our own identification. What stands out most for me was the question <b><i>What did the loved one give you that you feel you can’t give to yourself? </i></b> as well as the follow-up question of <b><i>How you can learn to give that to yourself?  </i></b>When we understand that we can do for ourselves and give to ourselves what we wanted or needed from our loved one, the relationship totally changes. Somehow they are alive in us in a new way. We can integrate the gift of the loved one into ourselves and make it ours.  So <i>instead of having to need it, we can now have it,</i> which is so beautiful. I used the process to grieve the death of my own mother and found it extraordinarily helpful. I found a great relief and release, as well as a personal sense of healing and forgiveness.\r\n\r\nThis process isn’t for everyone. It is most appropriate for stable clients who are past the initial or crisis stages of grief and mourning, and those who are willing or able to go deep. I think it would also be helpful if the client has some understanding that we are more than our stories, feelings and identifications. But for those who are not moving through their grief in a healthy way, and are willing to experience some intense feelings to get movement and release, this is a very powerful and helpful process. I would recommend it for anyone in the grief and loss professions.\r\n\r\nChristine A.\r\n\r\nHospice Bereavement Coordinator\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>This amazing process helps me become conscious… </strong>\r\n\r\nI recently read a quote that said, “Until the unconscious becomes conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate.” Whenever I use the Healthy Grieving process, as soon as the underlying issue comes to light, I am able to see how it has been ruling my life.\r\n\r\nI have used the Healthy Grieving process to work on some major issues. It has shifted some big stuff for me, and continues to do so. This amazing process helps me become conscious and release the things that have been running my life.\r\n\r\nThe most important piece for me – and it sounds rather trite but it is huge – is self acceptance.  The work I’ve done with the Healthy Grieving process has freed me to really be me.  I fully – 100% — accept who I am.\r\n\r\nAs a result of this work, I also have a much more self-guided way of living rather than being at the mercy or effect of things. This process has taught me to recognize the ways that I am creating my life and to ask, “Is this what I want to create?” I also notice more discernment around what I’m willing to experience and what I’m not, and that I now seek more authenticity in my relationships.\r\n\r\nOne of the coolest things is that every time I use the Healthy Grieving process, it leads me to new areas I can explore and look into.  It’s like a long string that I can follow from one release to another. The process itself leads to that kind of expansion, and I look forward to incorporating it into my practice to help my clients experience the letting go and freedom that the Healthy Grieving process provides.\r\n\r\nVivian Sylvest Experiential Psychotherapy  Boulder, CO\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>the missing link for my practice…</strong>\r\n\r\nThe owning process was the missing link for me in my practice. I didn’t know how to take people deeper and now I have the avenue to take them as deep as they want to go.  And as a result, they experience profound changes. <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="The Process of Owning: A Therapist’s Perspective" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-process-of-owning-a-therapists-perspective/">Read more…</a></span></strong>\r\n\r\nAnonymous Upon Request  Denver Therapist\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>an amazingly beautiful way for my clients to be constantly introspective …</strong>\r\n\r\nI was searching for a more effective way for my clients to find their way though their grief. I was drawn to the Healthy Grieving process because of the opportunity for the resolution of the pain of grief rather than the undetermined, drawn out state that is so typical for my clients to be in.\r\n\r\nI like using the Healthy Grieving process because it <i>is</i> resolution based. In a series of just three or four sessions I can easily get my clients to a point of resolving the underlying issues that cause their grief. I have also come to appreciate the diversity of this process and its many broad applications. I especially enjoy helping my clients to look inward to develop self-awareness rather than being reactionary to the outside world.\r\n\r\nI have found that the Healthy Grieving process is a brilliant and quick way to accomplish the principal of becoming awakened, which is achieved by looking inward with the idea of eliminating one’s story and dropping away falseness. The Healthy Grieving process is an amazingly beautiful way for my clients to be constantly introspective to open up to the truth of who they are which is where I believe true healing takes place.\r\n\r\nAdam Seitz  The Soul’s Thread\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong>I’m a believer!</strong>\r\n\r\n<b>“</b>I am already using what I learned in the half-day workshop in my practice. Differentiating between feelings and emotions is magical. People get so much deeper; sometimes I can’t even believe the depth of where they can get to. Also the results of going through the Healthy Grieving process myself have been incredible. I have so much energy now. The work freed up something really big in me. I have a few areas where I can feel that I’m still blocked and that I need to work on, but before, my whole life was blocked. Let me just say, I’m a believer!”\r\n\r\nAnonymous Upon Request   Counselor, Fort Collins[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Professional Testimonials', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'professional-testimonials', '', '', '2016-08-01 21:53:58', '2016-08-01 21:53:58', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?page_id=314', 0, 'page', '', 0),
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(322, 1, '2016-01-28 16:26:13', '2016-01-28 16:26:13', 'More on Resistance: Understanding a Method of the Mind', 'Grieffree Blog Image Thumbnail', 'Grieffree Official Blog Image', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'blog-image2', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:21:45', '2016-03-21 19:21:45', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Blog-Image2.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(323, 1, '2016-01-28 16:28:48', '2016-01-28 16:28:48', 'Resistance: A Signpost into Self-Awareness', 'Grieffree Blog Image Thumbnail', 'Grieffree Official Blog Image', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'blog-image3', '', '', '2016-03-21 19:20:38', '2016-03-21 19:20:38', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Blog-Image3.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(329, 1, '2016-01-30 20:13:48', '2016-01-30 20:13:48', '<strong>gave me the power to take back my life…</strong>\r\n\r\nMy mom died when I was 18 years old. I remember blaming God for taking my mother away and I used alcohol and drugs to numb my pain. Whenever life presented a triggering experience such as a wedding, I would feel devastated and become depressed. This was the way I experienced the death of my Mom throughout my life. Twenty years later, I was willing to look at the death of my mom in the grieving process with David. The results have been life changing. The huge burden of carrying around the pain and grief is gone. I can now actually remember my mother in all the good times rather than the negative experiences I was holding onto. I no longer hold myself back from experiencing my self in life by getting depressed. This process made me wish I could have done this twenty years ago. It gave me the power to take my life back, never realizing how deeply it affected my whole entire life. And, it opened the doors to a greater understanding of my self.\r\n\r\nJenny Germano', 'Jenny Germano', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'jenny-germano-2', '', '', '2016-03-05 20:00:25', '2016-03-05 20:00:25', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?post_type=ttshowcase&#038;p=329', 0, 'ttshowcase', '', 0),
(330, 1, '2016-01-30 20:19:50', '2016-01-30 20:19:50', '<strong>a new found freedom…</strong>\r\n\r\nI knew I had a block that was preventing me from moving forward with my Dad’s death which occurred two years ago. I had been through a lot of therapy yet I was still seeking answers and was ready to get to the core of the issue. I really was afraid I was going to be in pain the rest of my life.\r\n\r\nAs compared to traditional therapy, The Healthy Grieving process was an intentional, structured, and had an end goal. I was guided in a safe environment that allowed me to peel back the layers at a depth I have never been before. The process afforded me an avenue to explore some very painful core issues regarding my relationship with my Dad. The benefit is now I have a better relationship with him.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process has allowed me to be more present and joyful with my family. The dread and the longing for my Dad to be around has subsided and I often feel the loving support and benevolent presence of my father’s spirit, which is so beautiful. I feel like I have wind underneath my wings with a new found freedom and an excitement for my life and all of its possibilities.\r\n\r\nAmy Schaller', 'Amy Schaller', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'amy-schaller-2', '', '', '2016-03-05 19:59:53', '2016-03-05 19:59:53', '', 0, 'http://www.test.grieffree.org/?post_type=ttshowcase&#038;p=330', 0, 'ttshowcase', '', 0);
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(870, 1, '2015-02-04 14:43:32', '2015-02-04 21:43:32', '<p align="center"><b>GriefFree.org</b></p>\r\nLast summer, a small group of us who had been working with the Healthy Grieving process for about four years realized it was time to get this amazingly effective process out into the world in a bigger way. We had already created a website for the general public, but realized we could reach many more people by reaching out to the counseling profession. So in July, we began calling therapists along the Front Range who used a variety of modalities to help their clients, as this indicated to us that they might be open to a new approach.\r\n\r\nThe response was amazing.\r\n\r\nRather than hanging up the phone, counselors who had never heard of GriefFree.org or the Healthy Grieving process were eager and open to learning that there was a new way to work with their clients around issues of grief and loss.\r\n\r\nOne of the first therapists we spoke to said she had just been talking with a colleague about the need for some way to help her grieving clients. They felt that since <a title="Elisabeth Kübler-Ross" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisabeth_K%C3%BCbler-Ross">Kübler-Ross</a> introduced her Five Stages of Grief in the late 1960s, there hadn’t been much in the way of seminal work in the grief arena – and while that model could sometimes be helpful, most people didn’t really do their grieving in any particular order. Additionally, the therapist said, in her experience, identifying stages of grief didn’t actually help people move through their grief.\r\n\r\nShe felt that other than support, she didn’t have much to offer her clients in helping them to heal – and that most grief counseling and groups were also supportive rather than healing modalities. She was very excited to learn that there might actually be a way to assist her clients in letting go of their grief.\r\n\r\n<b><i>“Sign me up,”</i></b> she said when we told her we were offering a free introductory workshop about the Healthy Grieving process.\r\n\r\nWhen an experienced, Naropa-trained therapist in private practice says “yes” to giving up a half-day of her time to learn about a modality she’s never even heard of before, you know you’re onto something.\r\n\r\nSince that day, we’ve held seven half-day Healthy Grieving Introductory Workshops and a two-day intensive training, with our second training scheduled for February 6<sup>th</sup> and 9<sup>th</sup>. More workshops and trainings are being scheduled every month, and we have also taken many individuals through the process who have come to us through the website. In fact, a gentleman from Mexico we recently took through the process is so excited about how Healthy Grieving helped him let go of his pain over his dad’s death that he wants to translate the work into Spanish!\r\n\r\nIt is very exciting to watch this all unfold, knowing that the world is hungry for a way to deal with grief and loss that is actually healing, not just supportive --and that the Healthy Grieving process can answer that need.', 'GriefFree.org', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'grieffree-org', '', '', '2015-02-26 14:48:10', '2015-02-26 21:48:10', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(876, 1, '2015-02-12 10:00:01', '2015-02-12 17:00:01', 'One of the foundational principles of the Healthy Grieving process is that you cannot heal if you feel like a victim in your experience of loss.\r\n\r\nOften in a workshop or training, therapists – and particularly trauma therapists who deal with people who actually were victims in a traumatic event –find this concept challenging. The other day in a workshop one of the therapists asked, “Well, what if the person actually <i>was</i> a victim – for example in a violent crime?” and the trainer answered, “For the purposes of the Healthy Grieving process, it doesn’t matter.”\r\n\r\nAnd there was a palpable reaction to that response in the room.\r\n\r\nBut then a cool thing happened.\r\n\r\nWithout any prearrangement, our volunteer that day (we always have a volunteer go through the process in the front of the room so attendees get to witness the process in action) became the perfect example and demonstration of the principle.\r\n\r\nThe grief he wanted to let go of was being taken away from the loving foster home he lived in from age three to age six.  The grief from that loss was, as he described it, “still alive in him” all these years later.\r\n\r\nYou could hardly think of a more traumatic event for a little child than finally finding a place of safety, love and belonging – and being wrenched away from that with no warning.  His description of holding onto the front door knob for dear life as two adults tried to drag him away was heartrending.\r\n\r\nYet for the purpose of the grieving process -- for going back to that moment and feeling the feelings and letting them go and taking back what part of himself was lost in that experience -- the fact that he was or wasn’t a “victim of a trauma” did not play into it.  In fact, if he had spent any time blaming his mother for giving him up in the first place, the social workers for taking him, the foster parents for letting him go, or any outside force, the healing experience would not have happened.\r\n\r\nIn the Healthy Grieving process, the external event – traumatic or otherwise – is not the focus.  It is a completely internal process where the part of ourselves that was lost gets reclaimed -- and that can only be done with an<i> internal</i> focus.  If any part of us is taking the stance that what happened should or shouldn’t have happened and/or who was responsible, or who was to blame, we put the power outside of ourselves.\r\n\r\nWe have to take the power back in order to heal.  We have to understand that it is our response to the event (that our <i>experience</i> of the event is where the loss actually takes place) that needs to be healed -- not the event itself.\r\n\r\nAnd that can be hard to understand.\r\n\r\nUntil you see it in action.', 'Healthy Grieving and the "Victim Mentality"', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'healthy-grieving-and-the-victim-mentality', '', '', '2015-02-26 14:46:57', '2015-02-26 21:46:57', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(883, 1, '2015-02-26 14:43:05', '2015-02-26 21:43:05', 'The Healthy Grieving process often helps people let go of far more than just the loss they set out to grieve – and can uncover surprising things.\r\n\r\nI’ve had the pleasure of witnessing or having people share a wide variety of outcomes from this process, but one of the most extraordinary stories for me was the experience of a woman grieving the death of her grandfather – and what was uncovered as a result.\r\n\r\nWhen she was 13, her grandfather was dying and the family was going to the hospital to visit him one particular night.  But she had been invited to a sleepover at a friend’s house and made the choice to do that instead, thinking she could go visit her grandfather the next day. However, he died that night, so she didn’t get to say goodbye.\r\n\r\nShe carried quite a bit of guilt and regret over her decision and how she missed saying goodbye to him. She also had felt, at the time, that compared to other members of the family, she wasn’t as upset over his death as she should be, especially given the grief and drama that a death is supposed to engender in a close Italian family.  She was afraid that she was bad or wrong in how she was reacting, and because of that, she pretended to be more upset than she was. . . . so she felt like a fake and a fraud on top of her other confusing feelings.  She was also afraid that maybe she was a selfish or bad person because she didn’t like how unhappy her home had become, and she felt more concerned about how his death was impacting her family than feeling sad about her grandfather actually being gone. She said that his death had marked the end of her childhood and the end of her innocence, which in itself seems like a big loss to grieve . . .  but something else remained to be uncovered.\r\n\r\nAs she followed the steps in the Healthy Grieving process, what was revealed was that as a result of her experience, she developed a deep belief that she makes bad decisions that can have horrible consequences, and that <i>she could not be trusted to make good decisions in her life. </i>During her session, she realized that this underlying belief had affected her her whole life.\r\n\r\nAfter completing the grieving process, she said that by letting this go, she was more comfortable with herself, “comfortable in her own skin,” comfortable with her decisions, and able to trust herself in a new way.\r\n\r\n“I am still careful in my decision making,” she reported, “but I don’t feel that same weight and fear. What’s really different is that now, when things don’t go the way I want them to or don’t go well, in the past that would have created a downward spiral for me and it would take a lot of remediation and self-talk to get myself back up. <i>Now, I don’t even go there any more</i>, let alone have to talk myself back up. Now, instead of that spiral cascade down over even the smallest bad decision or mistake – and the dire consequences that would ensue -- I feel comfortable and confident.”\r\n\r\n“What is so interesting and enlightening,” she reported, “is that I really had no idea that this underlying belief was bundled in with the feeling of regret that I missed saying goodbye to my grandfather. And I had no idea how much it affected my day-to-day life.”\r\n\r\n“Somehow, with the Healthy Grieving process, I was able to let it all go -- judging myself for how I reacted to his death, wondering what was wrong with me that he and I weren’t closer, guilt over my decision, missing saying goodbye and of course the big issue of not trusting myself and my choices. Somehow it all got magically released and I am at peace.”\r\n\r\nWow!  From regret over not saying goodbye to one’s grandfather before he died, to uncovering a lifetime of second-guessing oneself and one’s decisions . . . . this is a great example of the far-reaching effects that the Healthy Grieving process can have.', 'Healthy Grieving''s Far-Reaching Effects', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'healthy-grievings-far-reaching-effects', '', '', '2015-03-19 14:50:09', '2015-03-19 20:50:09', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(895, 1, '2015-03-05 10:25:01', '2015-03-05 17:25:01', 'There are four foundational principles of the Healthy Grieving process.  They are:\r\n<ol>\r\n	<li>To undertake the process, you have to be willing to move on from the pain of the loss and be ready to let go.</li>\r\n	<li>You have to be honest.  <i>No healing can take place at the level of a story.</i></li>\r\n	<li>You have to be willing to bypass the mind and all its defenses, resistance and objections in order to get to the truth and to the feelings; this is where muscle testing responses comes into play.</li>\r\n	<li>You have to be willing to feel your feelings.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\nNumber four is a lot trickier than you may think for two reasons.  The first is that as humans, we want, at all costs, to avoid pain, and going into painful feelings is the opposite of avoidance.  We can probably all intellectually understand the need to feel our painful feelings, but still we resist  . . . even when we’re seeking to be healed.  The healing process won’t work if we’re not willing to go there; as John Bradshaw famously said, “you can’t heal what you won’t feel.”\r\n\r\nBut the bigger obstacle is that we – and I mean almost every one of us including those of us who think of ourselves as emotional – generally do not know how to actually feel our feelings.\r\n\r\nSo one of the first things we do in the Healthy Grieving Workshop and the Two-Day Training is to talk about the difference between emotions and feelings.\r\n\r\nIn brief, emotions are charges – reactions to external events – that are universal and easily labeled.  We have all felt angry, lost, disrespected, unloved, unsafe, abandoned etc. and can all relate to the “charge” that those emotions carry.\r\n\r\nFeelings are deeper and much more personal.  Feelings take us below the surface – below the charge even – to our own very personal and unique<b><i> experience</i></b> of the emotion.  For example, when we say we feel abandoned, what does that mean <i>to us?</i>  What is our own <i>experience </i>of that emotion?  For one person that might feel like “left all alone in the world with no one to rely on; I can never count on anyone to be there for me.”  Another’s experience is “I don’t matter; I don’t even exist. I am invisible. I am nothing.” For another, “I am in a black hole, an abyss and there is no way out.”  Those are three different experiences of the word or label of the emotion called “abandoned.”\r\n\r\nFor the Healthy Grieving process, the client has to get to the feelings and the experience.  One of the most challenging aspects of taking someone through the process is to continually move them from emotions to feelings.  The counselor must continually guide the client to “Describe what that means FOR YOU.  Describe abandoned AS YOU.  Tell me how you FEEL when you’re angry.  Go into that place and describe your own experience. “\r\n\r\nSometimes when this process is taking place in the front of the room it can be uncomfortable for those watching – especially therapists who are trained not to be “invasive” or “leading” or “directive” with their clients. Sometimes, depending on the watcher’s own perspective and triggers, it can even look like badgering or bullying – pushing the client to get to the feelings. What if they’re not ready?  What if their protective mechanisms are in place for a reason? Shouldn’t the therapist respect where the client is resisting going?\r\n\r\nBut it is important to remember that the client has given permission to be guided into that place because what they want is to heal – to get release from --  their held  pain; and to accomplish that, we need to lead them to the place they have avoided.  That is why the Healthy Grieving process sometimes involves persistent insistence to “go deeper, go there, describe the emotion, not as an externalized abstraction, but as you yourself personally experience it; go back to that place and<i> feel</i> it.”\r\n\r\nThe mind and its protective mechanisms are going to avoid going there, but a trained and dedicated Healthy Grieving counselor will continue to guide the client to the place his or her mind doesn’t want to go – and will do so to honor the request from the client’s deepest self for help in releasing the ongoing pain.\r\n\r\nIt may be uncomfortable for the client (and for any audience watching at a training or workshop) but it bears wonderful fruit.\r\n\r\nAfter a recent workshop, the volunteer who experienced the Healthy Grieving process thanked the trainer for having the “patience to hang in with me as I struggled to actually feel my feelings.”   “It took me a while to get there,” he said to the group, “but I’m glad I finally did because it was so worth it.”', 'Emotions versus Feelings', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'emotions-vs-feelings', '', '', '2015-03-05 10:26:11', '2015-03-05 17:26:11', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(909, 1, '2015-03-19 14:52:49', '2015-03-19 20:52:49', 'Bereavement over the death of a loved one is not the only application of the Healthy Grieving process.  To view a list of the many ways you can use the process to let go of the pain of a loss, click here <a title="Diverse Applications for Healthy Grieving" href="http://www.grieffree.org/healthy-grieving/applications/">www.grieffree.org/healthy-grieving/applications/.</a>\r\n\r\nOne interesting example of grieving a loss other than a death was shared by a recent workshop participant who used the process to grieve the loss of a beloved house she had to leave behind when she moved out of state. Here is her story:\r\n\r\n<i>“I used the Healthy Grieving process to let go of an attachment to a house I had moved away from years ago. I didn’t realize I was still holding on, but when I saw ‘loss of a home” on the list of possible applications for the Healthy Grieving process, it kind of jumped out at me and I knew immediately that it was something I needed to look at.  </i>\r\n\r\n<i>We have been living in our new state for many years, renting year after year, and telling ourselves it was because we couldn’t afford to buy a home here.  But finances turned out not to be the real issue. When I took myself through  the Healthy Grieving process the weekend after the workshop, I discovered that beneath the story of the beloved house that I had left behind was a belief that that house was as good as it could —or would –ever get for me.  The underlying issue wasn’t grief over the loss of the “perfect house;” it was a limitation on what I believed was possible for me and my life. </i>\r\n\r\n<i> I know the Healthy Grieving process really works because within a week of completing the worksheet and letting go of the loss I’d been holding onto, my husband and I were out looking at houses, finding many in our price range, and within a month, we were making offers.”</i>\r\n\r\nTwo months after this workshop participant shared her experience, we received this update from her . . .\r\n\r\n<i> “I am writing this from my new home! How about that?!  Three months to manifestation of a dream I have had for seven years!  I give credit to the GriefFree process . . . I didn''t even realize how unhealthy grief was holding me back.”</i>\r\n\r\nThis is a great example of the way the Healthy Grieving process can free us and allow us to move on from something that has been holding us back in our life . . .  which we may not have even been aware of.', 'Letting Go of a Beloved Home', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'letting-go-of-a-beloved-home', '', '', '2015-03-19 14:53:28', '2015-03-19 20:53:28', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(914, 1, '2015-03-23 10:34:15', '2015-03-23 16:34:15', 'Although it is not officially one of the six steps of the Healthy Grieving process, we sometimes begin the process by defining the <i>relationship</i> to the person being grieved. This requires diving deep, being brave, and being honest (Step #1 of the process) because the actual relationship is often not obvious or not what we have told ourselves.\r\n\r\nFor example, a daughter, when asked to define her relationship with her mother, started by saying, “I was her <b><i>daughter</i></b>.”  But when asked to go a little deeper and describe the relationship more accurately, she realized, “I was a <b><i>caretaker </i></b>to my mother.”\r\n\r\nA married woman who lost her husband might easily say that she was a wife to her husband, but the actual relationship might be better described as a <i>needy</i> <i>child</i> who was <i>taken care of</i> by her husband – or, on the flip side, sometimes a woman is a <i>mother t</i>o her husband and takes care of him.\r\n\r\nA girl whose older brother had died started by describing the relationship as one of brother and sister, but taken a little deeper, realized that the actual relationship was that she was an <i>admirer </i>who <i>worshipped</i> her older brother but was always<i> ignored</i> by him.\r\n\r\nAnother woman in grieving her father realized that the relationship wasn’t really a father/daughter relationship; they were more <i>peers</i>, and indeed she was often the more emotionally mature person in the relationship.\r\n\r\nOther examples include: My mother was my<i> biggest fan</i>. I was a <i>competitor </i>to my sister. I was a <i>parent</i> to my little brother. I was a <i>subject</i> to my wife who was my <i>boss</i>. My best friend was my<i> buffer</i> from aloneness<i>. </i>I was a <i>buddy </i>to my dad<i>, </i>a <i>trophy </i>to my boyfriend<i>, a meal ticket </i>to my wife.<i></i>\r\n\r\nThe point of the exercise is to look beneath the label (daughter, son, friend, grandfather, husband, wife, etc.) and ask yourself <b><i>what was the real relationship or the actual dynamic</i>. </b>\r\n\r\nWhy is this important?\r\n\r\nOne of the most basic principles of the Healthy Grieving process is that <b><i>“no healing can take place at the level of a story.” </i></b> It is common for someone to start with one description – “We were very close, we were soul mates, we had a wonderful marriage, I adored my older brother, my sister was my best friend” – and end up somewhere quite different.\r\n\r\nStarting the grieving process by honestly describing the relationship to the person you have lost can help get underneath the story of the relationship to the actual dynamic.  This can be a powerful first step on in <i>being honest, </i>which is an important prerequisite to real and lasting healing.', 'What Was Your Actual Relationship?', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'what-was-your-actual-relationship', '', '', '2015-03-23 10:35:19', '2015-03-23 16:35:19', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(925, 1, '2015-04-20 16:21:36', '2015-04-20 22:21:36', 'I attended two introductory Healthy Grieving workshops and the two-day training. The introductory workshops are like snapshots, whereas in the two-day training you get to experience and understand the process more in slow motion.\r\n\r\nThe workshops and the training reinforced the awareness that I have conceptualized my experience rather than living it or feeling it. I was able to clearly see my pattern of withholding and intellectualizing my experience.  I know that as a result of early trauma and a near death experience, I was drawn to study psychology, and was seduced by the framework of understanding the pyscho-social journey. I more or less turned over my identification to the process of studying these concepts.  They all made sense to me but they did not touch into my personal emotional experience; they conceptualized it but they weren’t it.\r\n\r\nPsychology is a template. It isn’t the real thing. It’s a description of something.  It’s like taking a photograph of the experience. It’s not actually what you’re experiencing; it’s a way of objectifying what is going on within the experience.  It’s very easy to fall in love with understanding. Very easy.  It’s a descriptor, but it is not the direct experience.  I became hypnotized by understanding.   I would say that the training reinforced the awareness that I have conceptualized my experience rather than living it or feeling it.\r\n\r\nI very much appreciated the awareness of knowing what I have been doing to myself -- which was substituting concepts for direct experience.  In studying psychology I put myself in a state where I was somewhat satisfied with understanding cause and effect. That became a soothing kind of state, but it was not the direct state of feeling; it was more thinking.\r\n\r\nWhen I attended the first Healthy Grieving workshop, I saw people being directed into <i>feeling</i>. I volunteered at the next workshop so that I would not be so quick to intellectualize what I was experiencing.  I also had the opportunity to see others do what I do, and then go into experiencing and feeling. That’s the wonderful power of a group, the opportunity to see others and to see yourself in others.  What you get to observe in the workshops and the training is very powerful.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving work is touching in on a fundamental principle to <i>feel</i>, not <i>understanding</i> -- which is helpful -- but directly<i> experiencing</i> and releasing emotion, which is what  I watched others  experience in that first demonstration and I wanted to experience myself. So I volunteered to be the subject because I wanted to be directed -- almost pushed -- into feeling, rather than talking about feelings or understanding why the feelings were there.  Those are important, but they are not the same as directly having the experience . . . . which I learned very  early in life to avoid.  I just shut down.\r\n\r\nI was excited about the opportunity of being taken through the process, participating in a direct experience and the challenge to be <i>within </i>the scenes that had been intellectualized within me, to directly experience them,  because I knew I had  really intellectualized a lot of my way of looking at myself and others\r\n\r\nGoing through the process of being <i>within</i> the field of those emotions -- not talking about them but being in them -- requires courage.  There is a risk there.  But <b><i>the idea that you can feel what you have covered up is a very simple thing</i></b>. And the beauty is that as you’re tasting it, it gets dismantled. It’s dissolved. You discover that it has no real power.  All the power has been in the denial and the suppression of the event. In itself, it’s really quite harmless. The emotion that was there in the past -- I carried that trauma for decades -- was real in the past. In the present it gets dissolved.\r\n\r\nI would describe the effect of going through the process by saying that<b><i> it renewed my own life</i></b>.  It renewed the willingness I had to go into feelings and let them teach me. What I can say about the Healthy Grieving process is that I had a direct knowing<b><i>.  A direct experience that has renewed my life.</i></b>\r\n\r\nAnother real benefit of the workshops and training was that I saw so clearly that <b><i>I have been disengaged</i></b>.  And I have been able to take that awareness into my life. I can’t say that my resistance to feeling is completely gone, but there has been a lasting effect from the Healthy Grieving experience. It has made me more sensitive to my own history of intellectualizing or withdrawing. I no longer have the willingness to withdraw as I might have prior to the experience.\r\n\r\nThis work has the potential to be <b><i>meaningful</i></b> and <b><i>liberating</i></b>. Those are the possibilities of the Healthy Grieving process. I also want to say that rather than David’s lack of academic training in psychology being any sort of a drawback, I think it’s a real asset. I find his approach very refreshing because he is not constrained by the conventions of our training. He is able to see things and express things in a fresh and new way that really gets to the heart of the matter.\r\n\r\nFor anyone who reads the description of the Healthy Grieving process and feels themselves drawn to it… I would say, pay attention to the draw. Come to a workshop or training and have the Healthy Grieving experience.\r\n\r\nRobert Kaplan, MSW\r\n\r\n<em>Robert has studied and trained in secular psychotherapy, pastoral counseling and hospice service. In addition to a private practice, Robert''s background includes teaching Adult Development in the Transpersonal Counseling program at Naropa University and serving as a volunteer chaplain at Boulder Community Hospital.   </em>', 'A Professional''s Perspective', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'a-professional-perspective', '', '', '2015-04-22 13:05:26', '2015-04-22 19:05:26', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(938, 1, '2015-05-05 16:12:34', '2015-05-05 22:12:34', 'We’re all familiar with the adage that in order to change, we have to want to change, but it turns out that in order to truly change, we also have to be willing to acknowledge our changes.\r\n\r\nYou would think that if we want to change -- for example let go of grief or change a behavioral pattern -- and it actually <i>does</i> change -- we would be open, willing, and aware of our changes, even celebrating them. But oddly, that often turns out not to be the case.\r\n\r\nIn fact, what we often see with the Healthy Grieving process is that there are significant changes in people’s lives, but they are largely unaware of them until they are asked to put their attention there. And even then, they sometimes have trouble articulating the ways they have changed or what is different in their lives.\r\n\r\nNow some of this, surely, is due to the crazy and distracted lives we lead, taking so little time away from work or TV or email or texts or Facebook or other distractions to actually check in with ourselves and/or cultivate self-awareness.\r\n\r\nSome of it may also be that it’s hard to believe that something as pervasive as held grief could be gone so quickly and easily in one simple session.\r\n\r\nAnd then there’s the sort of “uh-oh” moment of discomfort as we realize we are changing or have changed and the fear of the unknown that may engender. I am reminded of a woman we took through the Healthy Grieving process who lost her husband at a young age and had basically been grieving him for 20+ years.  She had known herself as a grieving widow most of her adult life.  Who would she be without this as the central fact of her life? Who would she be if she really let this go and moved on? The simple fact is that as much as we might say or believe that we want to change, we are also uncomfortable with change.\r\n\r\nBut some of it  -- maybe most of it --  is due to unconscious self-identity patterns, where we have known ourselves so long as one thing that it actually requires time, effort and self-awareness to acknowledge that we are no longer that.\r\n\r\nWe have never been taught that <i>in order to really change, we must be willing to acknowledge our changes --</i>consciously acknowledge them -- in order to actually experience ourselves in new ways.\r\n\r\nIt is a very common phenomenon for us to take someone through the Healthy Grieving process and at the end of the session, they will say they feel so much better.  So much lighter.  Relieved.  Breathing differently.  Have let go of a big weight. Things feel so different to them.\r\n\r\nWhen we check in a week or two later, and ask how they’re doing in relation to what they grieved they will say, “I’m good.”  “Fine.”  “So much better.”  But when asked to be more specific or <i>to identify what has changed,</i> they often struggle --even people who we think of as inwardly-focused or self-aware such as counselors, therapists, people who meditate, do yoga, have a spiritual practice.\r\n\r\nWe often have to ask a series of questions to lead them into awareness, and as they answer the questions, they begin to realize, “Wow, this really is different. I really am different. Something significant has really changed.” But until we draw their attention to what has changed, they don’t actually realize it.\r\n\r\nAn integral part of the Healthy Grieving process is taking the time to become aware of our changes and define our self as those changes to make us conscious of the new experience of ourselves and integrate our changes into our experience of ourselves.\r\n\r\nWithout taking time to articulate the ways we’ve changed, we aren’t fully aware of them; and therefore can’t fully own them, embody them, integrate them, or incorporate them into a new experience of our self.\r\n\r\nThe bottom line? In order for <i>our internal experience of our self</i> <i>to change</i>, we need to slow down and take the time to acknowledge and articulate our changes.', 'A Funny Thing About Change', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'a-funny-thing-about-change', '', '', '2015-05-05 16:16:07', '2015-05-05 22:16:07', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(943, 1, '2015-05-15 09:14:32', '2015-05-15 15:14:32', 'Paul Simon famously sang that there were ”50 ways to leave your lover,” but as most of us know, leaving behind the emotional attachment can be just as challenging as leaving the relationship.\r\n\r\nAttachment to former partners can linger for years and years. And there is often more tied up in our holding on than just unresolved feelings for the partner we left behind. If there is still a “charge” associated with the loss, some part of our self has gotten left behind.\r\n\r\nOne Healthy Grieving client recently used the process to let go of her first love, from whom she had parted more than 15 years prior. She said that she had not been aware that she was still carrying so much pain about this person -- which has turned out to be a common theme with clients grieving past relationships.\r\n\r\nWorking with the Healthy Grieving process, she found feelings of shame, regret and deep sadness. At a deeper level, she also discovered that in the loss of the relationship she also “lost the freedom to express my creativity straight from my heart like I did when I was with him.”\r\n\r\nBy grieving and letting go, she was able to reclaim the freedom of creative expression that she lost when their relationship ended, reporting that, “An unexpected gift is that now I feel far more free to express myself and my creativity in ways that I was afraid to before.” Since she used the Healthy Grieving process to let go of her past relationship, she says, “I hardly ever think of my first love anymore, and when I do, what is left is a tender appreciation for him and the beautiful, goofy, fun times we had together, but there isn’t any pain.”\r\n\r\nAnother client worked on letting go of an ex-husband. They had divorced in 2000, and she insisted that she didn’t have any feelings for him, that she was “completely done with him.” But her resistance to looking at the relationship was a good indication that there might be something there that hadn’t let go.\r\n\r\nIn her own words she describes that, “It was very interesting where the Healthy Grieving process took me in relation to my first husband. I was quite surprised by what came up and by the words that were coming out of my mouth.”\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving process took her to a place where she had to admit to herself, “I married him because I thought it would be better than being single. I had to own that I entered into this union with someone I didn’t fully want to be with. I thought that I loved him <i>enough</i>. That was the actual statement I made – <i>loved him enough</i>. I had to see and own that I really did that to someone -- used him in that way.  I married the guy, not because I fully loved him and fully wanted to be with him. I entered into the marriage to save myself.”\r\n\r\n“This is not something I am proud of” she went on to say,” but the Healthy Grieving process helped me go there, gave me permission to look at this, and in going there, in being willing to see this seedy side of myself and own<b>*</b> it, I was able to let it go.”\r\n\r\n“It turns out, that this was hanging over me in a way I wasn’t really aware of. I thought I was completely done with him, with the relationship. I’m happily remarried. He’s remarried. I wish him well, etc. – but I had to go through the process to get that part of me back, to own that I did this to someone, tell myself the truth about it, and then be free to let it go. No matter what we are telling ourselves about our past relationships, unless we allow ourselves to go into that place, to explore the darker places, then it’s still with us, we haven’t really moved on."\r\n\r\nThis client reports a number of meaningful results from the grieving work she did:\r\n<ol>\r\n	<li>“In relation to my ex I can now be open–hearted when I think of him, whereas before I was hiding, hiding a part of myself. I thought that everything was fine -- we were friends on Facebook, I was happy for him -- but obviously, there was still some unconscious stuff there and I am very grateful to have found it. I have now been able to let go of this person who I had been energetically holding, whether I was aware of it or not.”</li>\r\n	<li>“The level of intimacy and friendship with my current husband is deeper and clearer. Letting go of what was still tied up with my first marriage freed me to be 100% present with my present husband, who I did marry for the right reasons, who I married for love and because I want to spend my life with him. We’re laughing more, enjoying each other more.”</li>\r\n	<li>“Once I re-owned that part of me that I had disowned, I could be all there with my husband and in relation to my ex, but most important <i>in myself.</i> I was able to re-integrate a part of myself that I can now be with and accept unconditionally. One of the goals I’ve had in my life is to feel complete; when I’m on my deathbed I want to know I did everything I could to be fully me. Every time I do the Healthy Grieving process and come through the other side, I feel more complete and whole. “</li>\r\n</ol>\r\nIf you have a past relationship you think you’re “done with,” consider giving yourself the gift of looking deeper. You never know what you might be lurking there and what letting go can free you from and open you to.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<strong><i>*See next week’s blog on “owning.”</i></strong>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Grieving Past Relationships', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'grieving-past-relationships', '', '', '2015-05-15 09:18:42', '2015-05-15 15:18:42', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(951, 1, '2015-05-22 08:18:47', '2015-05-22 14:18:47', 'In our last blog, we used the term “owning,” which is a concept fundamental to the Healthy Grieving process.\r\n\r\n<i>Owning</i> or <i>taking ownership</i> is the process of awareness, acknowledgement and acceptance of what we don’t want to see, know or accept about ourselves.\r\n\r\nIt is the opposite of denial, avoidance and suppression.\r\n\r\nIt is that moment of awareness that yes, this trait, quality, behavior, feeling, attitude, outlook -- is, indeed, <i>me</i>.\r\n\r\nWithout pushing the awareness away with “yes <i>but</i>” or “I only <i>sometimes</i> do that” or “Okay, maybe that’s a <i>part</i> of me.”\r\n\r\nOwning is the full-on acceptance of <i>Yes, this is me, this is who I am.</i>\r\n\r\nThe common resistance to owning the things we don’t want to know about ourselves is the defensive posture that says “Well, a <i>part</i> of me may do that, but it’s not who I am -- certainly not all of who I am. I don’t <i>always</i> do that. I am not <i>always</i> like that. It may be a part of me, but it’s not really me.”\r\n\r\nThat’s not owning.\r\n\r\nThe best example of the concept of owning comes from AA and other Twelve Step programs.\r\n\r\nWhen a person attends a meeting for the first time, finally ready to acknowledge the truth<i> </i>to themselves and others, s/he stands up in that room and clearly states, “I am an alcoholic.”\r\n\r\nThey don’t say, “I am <i>sometimes</i> an alcoholic.” Nor, “I have been known to engage in alcoholic behavior.” Nor, “On occasion, I may drink too much.”\r\n\r\nNo.\r\n\r\nThey say,” I am an alcoholic.”\r\n\r\nUnequivocal.\r\n\r\nQualifications like “sometimes” or “not always” or “yes but” or “well, that might be a part of me” are the opposite of acknowledging the truth and taking full ownership.\r\n\r\nAnd while it’s true that there are probably hours of the day the alcoholic is not drinking, and alcoholism isn’t the sum total of the person -- taking ownership – admitting the truth -- requires the global understanding that <i>yes, this is me</i> – without dissembling or denial or equivocation.\r\n\r\nNot <i>Yes but</i>.  Just <i>yes</i>.  Yes, I have an anger problem.  I married my husband for money and security. I am a liar. I am competitive. I am judgmental. I am weak. I am a narcissist. I am a cheater. I didn’t love my brother. I want to be taken care of. I need a relationship to feel good about myself.  I’m a gossip.\r\n\r\nOtherwise, we are <i>denying our own experience of ourselves.</i> Which keeps us fragmented, hiding, unhealthy. And which makes wholeness and healing impossible.\r\n\r\nThere’s a reason that ownership is the first step in A.A; it’s because nothing can happen until that moment has taken place. Once we have owned something, there is the possibility of letting it go, of releasing the charge, releasing the hold it has.\r\n\r\nIn ownership, there is the possibility of freedom.\r\n\r\nBut there is no possibility until then.\r\n\r\n<b><i>Any aspect of yourself that you deny can never be let go of.</i></b>\r\n\r\nGo back and re-read last week’s blog. Notice how the client’s willingness to tell herself the truth -- to own that she didn’t love her first husband and used him -- is what set her free.\r\n\r\nThen consider giving yourself the same gift.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Owning: The Secret to Letting Go', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'owning', '', '', '2015-05-22 08:21:47', '2015-05-22 14:21:47', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0);
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(998, 1, '2015-07-10 10:53:45', '2015-07-10 16:53:45', 'Our last blog post covered the concept of owning. In today’s post, one of the participants in the Healthy Grieving training shares her personal experience with the owning process. Here is her experience as told to our interviewer:\r\n\r\n“During the section on owning in the Healthy Grieving training, I volunteered to do the process in the front of the room. The topic for me was being controlling. When asked how controlling I was, I thought maybe I would rank as a 4 or a 5 on a scale from 1 -10 because I knew that I could be kind of controlling. When we muscle tested my answer we got that I was a 10 on the scale.\r\n\r\nI immediately had a strong emotional reaction, a visceral feeling of “Uh oh.’ And then the moment of realization, ‘I am a control freak.’\r\n\r\nI’ve done a lot of work in therapy over the years and thought that I had my control freak under control so to speak, but I suddenly saw that ‘controlling my control freak’ is not the same as fully owning it in order to be able to let it go.\r\n\r\nMuscle testing is very helpful in this process because the mind can’t deny what has come up, which it wants to do. Bypassing the mind with muscle testing opens the door to be able to see the truth, and see it from a deep heart space. This level of acknowledgement is very different from the mind saying, ‘I can admit I sometimes do that.’\r\n\r\nI went from the idea that, yeah, I can sometimes be a little controlling to a full-blown recognition of the truth of the situation. It was kind of like putting together pieces of a puzzle, and facing something that my mind or my intellect had been avoiding knowing.\r\n\r\nThe process of owning doesn’t happen in the mind; it happens at a different level, in the heart.  It’s like my heart took over from my mind; that’s how I was able to own it. There is such a profound difference between a sort of surface acknowledgement in the mind that I sometimes do this versus the deep recognition, the absolute knowing and understanding that THIS IS ME.  I <i>AM</i> a control freak. Not that I can <i>sometimes</i> be this way, but THIS IS ME. In the process, you get taken to a place -- I was taken to a place -- where I was able to recognize and accept that yes I am in fact this.  Going to this deeper place, there was no looking anywhere else. There’s no way that I could have not seen it.  From a mind place you can deny, but when you bring it up from a heart place, there’s no denying it.\r\n\r\nIn my case, as soon as the process began to unfold, I understood that I was seeing from the heart rather than the mind because of the raw, vulnerable and exposed place I went to, and the sense of <i>knowing it as the truth</i> from a place deeper than the mind. This experience is very humbling as you suddenly see the thing you haven’t wanted to look at and see how it shows up in in your whole life. You can’t just brush it aside. There’s a simplicity to seeing at this level. There’s not a lot of story; there’s just the realization, the knowing.\r\n\r\nThe interesting this is that there is no shame at this level. For some reason, from that space, I felt held by my heart. It was like it was holding me up so strongly and saying, ‘Look at this honestly’ and at the same time there was the sense that it was okay. It isn’t bad or good; it just is.  So, now what do you want to do with it?\r\n\r\nAs vulnerable as it is, it’s also a breath of fresh air, ‘Ahhh, it’s out in the open now. I can let it out.’  It’s like when you’re carrying around a lie or a secret, and you finally let it out and realize the huge relief of saying it out loud.\r\n\r\nFor me, the process opened a window that enabled me to see all the ways I truly was a control freak in so many areas of my life.  I started to see it in places that I hadn’t seen it before -- some overt and others covert. I saw that I try to control people, situations and I even try to control conversations, control what comes up so I’m not uncomfortable and so the other person isn’t uncomfortable. It was everywhere.\r\n\r\nThe strong “I am” statement is the first step, the knowing it without denial. Being able to define it –define ‘control freak’ -- AS ME was also an important step. To be able to articulate what control freak looks like as<i> me, </i>what does it mean for me and how do I experience this in my life? That helped open my eyes wider to see how it showed up in my life --unique to me, not the label, but my actual experience of it.  The label – ‘control freak’ can mean 100 different things; I had to be honest with myself about what this is for me.\r\n\r\nFrom that place of knowing, from that heart space, the mind can’t reorganize it or brush it off with ‘Yeah, maybe I do that sometimes and it’s probably something I should work on.’ No. It’s there in a way that can’t be denied. There’s no choice but to fully see it.\r\n\r\nAnd you start to see how it’s limiting you and robbing you of a true experience or life.  And what it’s doing to the people around you. I started to see the hardship I was causing in the world and in my relationships because of my own selfish need to be in control. And, it didn’t feel good anymore.\r\n\r\n<b>Letting Go</b>\r\n\r\nSeeing it is one thing. But how does the letting go part happen?\r\n\r\nYou own it so deeply and see so clearly how it’s disrupting your life and causing such dysfunction, that the letting go happens naturally.  At the same time you’re seeing how destructive it is, your heart is also showing you how peaceful it would be to not have to hold onto it anymore, how freeing, how light it could be, and all the weight you would get to let go of if you didn’t have to hold that anymore. So you actually <i>want</i> to let it go and it naturally releases. You get to where you want to cultivate and explore that peacefulness you feel.\r\n\r\nI was also able to see that my effort to control my external world  was actually an effort to control myself, that I was  unconsciously controlling everything in my life -- because that’s how I was controlling me. Even in working with clients, I saw how much time and energy I expended trying to control and manipulate situations so I felt comfortable, liked or accepted.  And I saw how extensively my external world was defining me. I needed people to understand me and like me and see things from my point of view so that I could understand myself, because I experienced myself through my external world. I was always sending people articles and stuff that supported how I see things. And that is also how I felt safe.  Wow, I just realized I don’t do that anymore.\r\n\r\nAfter I owned being a control freak and let it go, I couldn’t believe how quickly my life began to change and how much more relaxed I felt. Here are a few examples:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>A few months ago, a friend of mine was giving a big talk in front of 500 people. I was so tense about it, it might as well have been me on that stage. I wasn’t in a position to control any part of it, but I was holding on so tight, and so tense I could feel it in my muscles. It wasn’t even about me, but I see now that I was trying to control the situation because if she messed up or was embarrassed or something, I would have to feel my own discomfort. When I went to her next talk<b><i>, </i></b>after I had owned and let go of being a control freak,<b><i> it was a completely different experience</i></b>. I was calm and relaxed. It wasn’t about me and there was nothing I could do anyway. And I had this realization that Gosh, I have been trying to control things and other people’s experiences that were completely out of my hands so I didn’t have to feel my own stuff. What I was trying to control all along was my own stuff, avoiding my own discomfort and pain. I don’t do that anymore.</li>\r\n	<li>My mom and dad were recently in town for a graduation. I was so relaxed, I almost didn’t recognize myself. I could just allow them to be who they are; I wasn’t even triggered by them in the ways I usually am.  I let them be who they are and didn’t have to control them. And I let myself be who I am. I realized, <i>I don’t have to control any of this</i>. It was so freeing, to just be with them and just be able to enjoy their company. Parents are the ultimate test of where you’re at. They even stayed with us in our little apartment and I was fine.</li>\r\n	<li>I think my husband would tell you that he sees and feels a big difference. He notices that I am much more relaxed around him and can allow him to be himself and have his own experiences without trying to manipulate his experience in any way. And we both notice that when my controlling pattern shows up, I see it and correct it really fast. I’m owning myself in our interactions. Owning my part. I can see and own in the moment, Oh, that’s me trying to control something. I can see it and let it go.</li>\r\n	<li>I also notice a big difference in trying to control what other people are doing. For example, I no longer nag my husband about wearing a bicycle helmet. In the past, I was sure I was  concerned about him and his safety, but I understand now that I was trying to control that situation because if something happened to him, that would be devastating for me. I was trying to protect myself from the pain I would feel if he got hurt; it wasn’t actually worry or concern for him. That’s true for any situation where I’m saying that I’m worried or care or looking out for someone. It’s not about them; it’s about me. I’m trying to control the situation so I don’t get hurt. Our mind tricks us that it’s about the other person and we care about them, but it’s just that we don’t want to feel the upset ourselves.</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nIt’s easy to look at the owning process like a magic pill that will fix everything because the process is so profound, but you still have to take the inspired action to take the new path until it just naturally becomes your truth and your nature. Because your old responses might still feel like an option, especially in your mind. But what happens is that your new experience, your new truth feels so much better, and the old way feels so awful, it feels like clothes that just don’t fit anymore. At some point, you grow into your change and your changes become you.\r\n\r\nI was a control freak, but I can truthfully say that’s not me anymore. I am way less controlling. Much less stressed out. More relaxed around other people. More relaxed around my husband. More calm in myself. More in the flow of things and of life. Letting go of my need to control things has personally freed me in very profound ways.  But first I had to know that I was one. Nothing happens without fully owning that first.', 'The Magic of The Process of Owning', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'a-great-example-of-owning', '', '', '2015-07-10 11:01:11', '2015-07-10 17:01:11', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1005, 1, '2015-07-16 11:47:37', '2015-07-16 17:47:37', '<p style="text-align: left;" align="center"><b>In this week’s blog, a Denver therapist shares how the process of owning is impacting clients in her practice . . .</b></p>\r\n<p style="text-align: left;" align="center">Having trained in the Healthy Grieving process and having done quite a bit of owning work myself, I have started using the Owning Process with clients. Because of my own work, I can pick up subtle clues when a client isn’t owning something that is impacting his or her life, such as the language of “Well I know I’m not thus and so (controlling, narcissistic, angry, etc.), but sometimes I . . . . “</p>\r\nThat’s when I know, Ah, here is something we need to look at. So I will ask the client, ‘Are you open to exploring this?’ and if they say yes, I start with muscle testing.\r\n\r\nRecently I had a client say to me that she wasn’t exactly superficial, and I asked if we could look into that. She guessed herself as a 4 or 5 on scale of 1-10 and we tested she was a 10. Her reaction was a moment of shock and then the moment of seeing it. She saw it and then owned it almost immediately. By the end of the session she was able to see how being superficial played out in her whole life. She was very quickly not even defensive, but eager to see it and even laughing about it and excited to make changes in her life.  A huge shift . . . in an hour and a half.\r\n\r\nAnother client I’ve been seeing for a long time without her making much progress started really getting somewhere when I introduced this work. She owned that she is a drama queen. It was initially such a shock to her that it actually took her a couple of sessions to fully own it and integrate it but then she got to that place of “Yup, that’s me; I totally see it now and own it as me.”  We later did a full grieving process on letting go of being a drama queen, and she has seen such a great shift in her life.  She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her. More relaxed, less stressed, going with the flow of life which is something she initially wanted from our sessions, and also more vulnerable which was also something she wanted.\r\n\r\nNow when a client makes a little comment like “This kind of thing sometimes happen, but it’s not really who I am” a red flag gets raised; and if they’re open to looking at it, the owning process can free them from a pervasive pattern that they could never have let go of because they were denying what was true, denying what they were.\r\n\r\nThe owning process was the missing link for me in my practice. I didn’t know how to take people deeper and now I have the avenue to take them as deep as they want to go.  And as a result, they experience profound changes.', 'The Process of Owning: A Therapist''s Perspective', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'the-process-of-owning-a-therapists-perspective', '', '', '2015-07-16 11:47:37', '2015-07-16 17:47:37', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1013, 1, '2015-07-21 13:08:58', '2015-07-21 19:08:58', 'Attachments are, quite simply, the things we cling to in an attempt to fill ourselves up. We can be attached to things, to relationships, to career or position, to money, to pets, to people, to a particular lifestyle, to how we see ourselves, to how we see the world, to ideological positions, to thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc.\r\n\r\nOn my journey, I discovered that I was attached to Buddha. How ironic  . . . . I was attached to the very Prince of Non-Attachment.\r\n\r\nOr, more accurately, I was attached to my rather sizable collection of Buddhas, of which I was quite proud. I had a beautiful large garden Buddha that sat outside under a special tree surrounded by ornamental grasses, a Thai Buddha in a beautiful black lacquer holder, a small carved stone Buddha that was a particular favorite, a large Buddha made from a deep red resin (another favorite), a sitting Buddha fountain, a black Buddha candle holder, a carved Buddha head, and more.\r\n\r\nI had at least one Buddha in every room of my house. Some rooms had more than one. Some were displayed on shelves or tables or on altars with candles, incense, silk table coverings. Some had been gifts, some I collected myself. All meant something special to me.\r\n\r\nWhen someone suggested I might consider letting go of my Buddhas, the idea of getting rid of them struck me as unthinkable.\r\n\r\nSomething I wasn’t even willing to consider.\r\n\r\nThen I considered it.\r\n\r\nAnd just as quickly dismissed it as ridiculous.\r\n\r\nAnd then considered it again.\r\n\r\nThis went on until -- overcoming great resistance to even look into what it brought up for me  -- I was finally willing to consider what giving up my Buddhas would mean to me.\r\n\r\nWhat I discovered, which required some deep work and being very honest with myself,  was that I was deeply attached to my Buddhas.  My attachment filled three important roles in my life, two of which were embarrassing and one of which was a revelation.\r\n\r\nFirst, I had to see that a big part of why I had Buddhas all over my house was to broadcast what a spiritual person I was – to myself and to others. It was a beautiful collection and people often commented on it, but it was there to tell a story about me. I was attached to an image of myself -- of how I wanted to see myself and also how I wanted others to see me. I had Buddhas everywhere so I could <i>feel</i> like a spiritual person, <i>appear</i> to be a spiritual person. Which of course are both very different from actually <i>being</i> a spiritual person. Not to mention that I wasn’t even a Buddhist.\r\n\r\nThe next attachment that revealed itself (which was even more embarrassing and actually quite painful to acknowledge) was that my Buddhas kept me company. I live alone and have lived alone most of my adult life. I make a lot of efforts to not feel lonely and not let myself feel my loneliness. It turned out that these statues, which I honored as the image of a great being, helped me feel less alone. This seemed sad and pathetic to me when I realized these statues were sort of my friends, and I was ashamed, but I also knew in that moment that it was true. I felt them as a comforting presence in my home that made me feel less alone. Until I contemplated giving them up, I had absolutely no idea that this dynamic was in play.\r\n\r\nThe third role the Buddhas played in my life was as a centering, calming, connecting influence. If I sat quietly and/or meditated in front of one of the Buddhas it helped me slow down, breathe deep and connect to something higher.\r\n\r\nThe night I was diagnosed with breast cancer, after my initial panic and terror, after all the phone calls were made and friends had left, I lit the candle in the lap of my favorite small stone Buddha and sat quietly in my living room, breathing in and out slowly, connecting to the calming spirit of Buddha, calming and centering myself in the process, bringing myself present again and to refrain from projecting terrible outcomes. I credited Buddha with getting me through that night.\r\n\r\nYears later, as I was contemplating getting rid of my Buddhas, I was reminded of a story I learned in Sunday school. Abraham’s father made clay idols. One day, when Abraham was minding his father’s shop, he took a club and smashed all the idols except for the largest one, in whose hand he put the club. When his father saw the wreckage, he demanded to know what happened. Abraham told his father that the largest idol in the shop had smashed all the smaller idols. His father responded that that was ridiculous; the idols had no power to do anything, to which Abraham responded, “Exactly!”\r\n\r\nExactly.\r\n\r\nBuddha, of course, did not get me through my bad night. I got myself through that night and projected the power onto Buddha.  Actually onto a little stone statue, an idol really. Just as every time I sat in meditation, I projected that grounded, centered space I could reach onto the statue I was sitting in front of.  That is what attachments do. They take the place of our own relationship with ourselves and project and externalize it.They fill up the empty and disconnected places inside of us so we don’t have to feel them.\r\n\r\nMy attachment to my Buddhas filled me up in three ways: they made me feel “spiritual;” they kept me “company” so I didn’t have to feel how it felt to be alone; and they gave me an object to externalize (project) my connection to my inner self onto so I didn’t have to experience the discomfort and responsibility of taking ownership of it myself.\r\n\r\nLetting go of my Buddhas – each and every one of them -- was a profound experience for me. In letting go of the attachment, I took back parts of myself I had given away. Holding on to an external <i>symbol</i> of being spiritual, how would I have ever known where I actually was on my spiritual journey?  Attached to inanimate objects that buffered my feeling of being alone, how would I have discovered how to fully be with myself? And how could I ever be grounded in my own higher self if I was projecting that part of me onto a statue?  Indeed, projecting that connection onto Buddha actually took me out of myself, though I believed it did the opposite.\r\n\r\nThe idea of giving up my Buddhas started out as unthinkable. This is the nature of attachments. We believe we will be less or lost or empty without them.  But the exact opposite is true.  By letting go of attachments, we find ourselves.', 'Understanding Attachments', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'understanding-attachments', '', '', '2015-07-21 13:08:58', '2015-07-21 19:08:58', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1017, 1, '2015-08-05 16:08:24', '2015-08-05 22:08:24', '<i>One of the best ways to help readers understand the Healthy Grieving Process is to share the experiences of those who have gone through the process.  Here is a first-person account by a woman who helped us demonstrate the process for workshop attendees:</i>\r\n\r\nAt the suggestion of a friend, I attended a Healthy Grieving workshop, and I volunteered to be the person who went through the process in the front of the room. I originally thought I wanted to grieve being an unwanted child, but after I read some of the handouts, I decided to choose something more immediate and concrete. Aging had been on my mind a lot and I thought that would be a really good thing to grieve so that’s what I volunteered to do.\r\n\r\nWe started with the practitioner asking me what was my issue with aging and I thought about it for a minute and said “Becoming invisible, being invisible.” I was thinking about how when you are an older woman, you’re not really seen anymore. We’re such a youth-oriented society and once a woman becomes a crone, she’s no longer seen as attractive or desirable. A crone doesn’t have a lot of value in our society. Men don’t look at us -- at me --. No one does. The attention is on youthful women.\r\n\r\nThe practitioner then asked me, “Why do you want to be invisible?” And I said, “No, you misunderstood. I <i>don’t</i> want to be. That’s the problem.” And he muscle tested me and it came up strong that yes, I do want to be invisible.\r\n\r\nThat really threw me for a loop. It really threw me off. It didn’t seem true to me.  But then I had this moment where I thought, maybe he’s right.  I could see that in a way it was true. I am safer if I’m invisible. I don’t have to engage. So we went from there.\r\n\r\nAlthough I was in the front of a roomful of more than a dozen people, it was as if there were just the two of us. I responded to his questions and was in some sort of zone. I wasn’t even aware, really, of what I was saying. I was just answering his questions and letting him take me into a deep place of feeling.\r\n\r\nTruthfully, I did not know what I said during the process. I know we went to some very painful places, but the only part I was aware of and remember was the last step of the Healthy Grieving process when I was invited to explore the possibilities of what my life could be like when I let my painful feelings go.\r\n\r\nI understood clearly that my pain, my beliefs, the decisions I had made, and the feelings I had about myself, that they were all just a story -- how I wasn’t loved, wasn’t supported, wasn’t safe, wasn’t welcome on the planet, about how I was not enough and was so alone, the ways I hate myself -- the stories I know so well inside of me and the deep, deep sadness I carried – that they were just stories.  I could clearly see how they had colored my perception of not being safe and of not being welcome and of not belonging in life.\r\n\r\nI remember thinking I had been living in like a B movie and now it felt like I was in a top-rated film. I felt this whole other energy in me. I knew that the sad stories were not who I am; they were just a story, a tape, something that likes to feed on its own pain, but it’s not really true, it’s not really me, I can make a different choice, <b><i>those stories are not the truth of who I am.</i></b>\r\n\r\nSo we explored the possibilities of letting it go. What my life could be like. How I could experience life and myself. What I would do. I felt great. People told me I looked totally different. I remember saying, “<b><i>This is how I have wanted to feel my whole life! “</i></b>  I felt totally open. I felt alive, without boundaries. I felt connected to myself and to life, like I was a part of life. I was in that place where you are when you’re not in your head at all. It felt great.\r\n\r\nThis was on a Friday afternoon.  Over the weekend, I’m not sure what happened, but I was having a really hard time. I felt sad. I felt lost, disoriented.  A few days later, I read the notes someone had taken of what I had said during my session and I found them really disturbing.  It was very hard to read the painful things I said, to read the feelings that came out of my mouth.  Not just me having to know it, but realizing I said them in front of a room full of people, exposed myself in such a vulnerable way.  That I had admitted to my most painful feelings, how much pain I am in, how lonely, how shut down and disengaged from life, how alone.\r\n\r\nI’ve always felt like this. I carry this with me. While at some level I have known that, it’s another thing to admit it in a group of people.  I felt embarrassed. How could I have done that? I felt different, and alone.  It didn’t matter that people had said they’d experienced the same feelings.\r\n\r\nI was in some sort of zone or bubble when the process was actually going on -- not aware of what was coming out of my mouth. It was so hard for me to read and see and know the feelings I had expressed, that I actually threw away the notes. I didn’t even want to have them in my house.  I had no idea that I had said those things.\r\n\r\nI think what I was going through was a sort of delayed reaction to being so vulnerable and honest in front of people I didn’t even know. My most painful feelings exposed. Me, so exposed.  I remember someone from GriefFree saying that I was going through a cathartic experience as a result of the grief work. All I know is that I had a really hard time for a few days. I felt raw and vulnerable. Maybe it was a little bit of a ricochet effect, like a contraction after that expansion.\r\n\r\nAfter a few days, I felt like myself again. I actually felt really good. I remember noticing that people seemed to be responding to me in a new way. Wherever I went I was having these sort of open-hearted encounters.  And I realized that even though I say that men don’t look at me now that I’m older -- that I’ve become invisible -- what I actually realize is that when my energy level is good – and I don’t care or need anything – then men <i>do</i> look at me. Everyone looks at me, because it’s an <i>internal</i> thing.\r\n\r\nTwo weeks after my Healthy Grieving session, I had a follow-up interview about the results of the process, which is an important part of the Healthy Grieving process. I was asked to describe how I was feeling, what was different, how things had changed. This time, I kept my notes from the conversation. Here is what I said:\r\n\r\n<b><i>I feel that I am a part of life. I feel connected. I feel alive. I feel positive. I feel joyful and spacious. I feel ageless and without boundaries. I am open, inquisitive, curious about life. I feel young, quiet and peaceful. </i></b>\r\n\r\n<b><i></i></b><b><i>This is the true experience of who I am.</i></b>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'The Experience of the Healthy Grieving Process', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'the-experience-of-the-healthy-grieving-process', '', '', '2015-08-05 16:09:56', '2015-08-05 22:09:56', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1026, 1, '2015-08-13 13:57:22', '2015-08-13 19:57:22', '<p style="text-align: left;" align="center">In our last blog post, the writer described that she felt really wonderful <i>(“This is how I’ve always wanted to feel!”)</i> at the conclusion of her Healthy Grieving Process, but then had a few days where she felt down and disoriented.</p>\r\nThis isn’t unusual.\r\n\r\nBecause the Healthy Grieving process works at a very deep and profound level --  the self-identity level -- the work often results in a catharsis.\r\n\r\nThe beauty of the Healthy Grieving process is that it engenders<b><i> a fundamental change in our experience of ourselves</i></b> which is what creates the catharsis; this is why we define catharsis as <i>a loss of self-identity resulting in internal growth.</i>\r\n\r\nCatharsis is not a bad thing or something to be avoided. Indeed it is actually a precursor to permanent transformational change. Without the experience of catharsis , which is essentially a breakdown and reorganization of our experience of ourselves -- a deep experience of the truth of who we are –we are often just  rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic rather than actually changing.\r\n\r\nIt can be disorienting to go through a catharsis after the Healthy Grieving process, but the experience is actually a signpost that deep transformational change is taking place. Although is a good thing, it can be disorienting, so a little perspective and understanding of the experience can be helpful.\r\n\r\nHere is great description of the experience of catharsis written by a Healthy Grieving practitioner who uses the process with clients and has gone through it herself dozens of times. I particularly love her description of the caterpillar not knowing what to do without legs and not yet knowing how to use wings . . .\r\n\r\n<i>For me, catharsis is an experience of growth. I think of it as a transition, a metamorphosis - the in-between stage after I have lost a deep self identity and before I know who I am without it. It is the awkward stage when the caterpillar is breaking out of the cocoon and realizing it doesn''t have a whole row of legs anymore, but instead, has weird wings. And it doesn''t yet know what it feels like to fly.</i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>I experience it as a loss of all my reference points  -- how I relate to myself and the world, how I know myself  -- the mask/cloak that I wear to know how to interact with anything. I feel like I have nothing to stand on, and so I pull at and make up familiar experiences so I feel safe, so something makes sense to me.</i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>Without the reference points, I experience a deep sense of panic and feeling lost. It always feels like I just suddenly woke up one day and I can''t understand the world or what happened. Sometimes I feel really confused, helpless, hopeless.  I grab onto old patterns and habits. I can be excessively emotional, irritable. I might sleep a lot, want to isolate myself, or indulge in comfort behaviors. I am sure nothing has ever changed and everything I have done is for naught. Sometimes I am full of doubt about where I am going and what I am doing. I purposely pick up old habits to prove that I haven''t changed.  Sometimes I experience physical symptoms -- getting sick, headaches, digestive issues.</i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>What I am experiencing is myself grabbing onto anything to help me find a reference point or to hide from the vulnerability of not knowing who I am without the protection of my self identity, and feeling like I am stepping into nothing.</i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>I can anticipate catharsis, but by nature, it happens quickly and I lose clarity quickly (I feel muddled in paper bag). I have very little self awareness during that time.  </i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>If I know it is growth/catharsis, then I can settle into it knowing what it is and allow the experience to be as it is. As the founder of the Healthy Grieving Process has said, "It''s like the flu. If you know the flu takes 3-5 days to get through it, just do what you need to do to take care of yourself and know you will feel this way for a little while and it will be gone in a few days."</i>\r\n\r\n<i> </i>\r\n\r\n<i> </i>\r\n\r\n<i> </i>\r\n\r\n<i> </i>\r\n\r\n<i> </i>', 'What is a Catharsis?', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'what-is-a-catharsis', '', '', '2015-08-13 13:58:21', '2015-08-13 19:58:21', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1036, 1, '2015-08-28 09:09:42', '2015-08-28 15:09:42', 'One of the preliminary steps in the Healthy Grieving process is letting go of being a victim . . . because a person cannot heal from the pain of loss if they are blaming somebody else for causing their pain.\r\n\r\nThe victim work in itself is so powerful that – even in classic victim situations such as having an abusive or alcoholic parent – people are able to let go of blame and take full responsibility for their lives, transforming themselves and their lives in the process.\r\n\r\nRecently we interviewed a 37-year old Denver woman who grew up with an abusive alcoholic mother who drank herself to death when Brandi was 17 and a senior in high school.  She describes her life this way when she came in for counseling:  “I was a mess<i>. </i>Anxious, depressed, lonely, crying every day. I had stopped loving myself. I was at the end of my rope.<i> </i> I didn’t know what to do, so I was going to move out of Colorado, run away like I have dozens of times before.” She said that no matter what she did, she “couldn’t get past the pain in her life,”<b><i> </i></b>until a Healthy Grieving process practitioner took her through the Letting Go of Being a Victim process.\r\n\r\nOn the verge of moving, she was asked by her  Healthy Grieving counselor if she felt resolved with everything before leaving. She expressed some unresolved feelings about her last relationship that had ended abruptly, saying that she was missing closure and felt abandoned. When they explored the theme of “abandoned,” her relationship with her mother came up. Using muscle testing as a guide, it was revealed that what needed attention was feeling like a victim in relation to her mother.\r\n\r\nThe client reports, “I was taken aback that this came up because 1) I was prepared to do the Healthy Grieving process which we had talked about, not this other work and 2<i>) I never considered myself a victim; indeed I took great pride in what I had made of myself and in the fact that I know people who blame others but I didn’t do that.  Until I went through this process, I never realized how much I wasn’t taking responsibility for my life. I was certain that I had cut all ties with blaming, but evidently I had not.</i>\r\n\r\n“At the top of the <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Victim Worksheet</span> I wrote<b>:  “<i>I blame my mom for abandoning me.” </i></b> And then I made a list of everything in my life I blame on her including my relationships, my panic attacks, my trust issues, running away  and the biggest one of all . . . using alcohol as a crutch in my life.\r\n\r\n“Making a list of the things I blamed my mother for was the easy part. Taking responsibility wasn’t so easy.  I had created a speech to talk about my mother in a very superficial way, I said the same thing every time, but I never got down to this level of feeling.  This process went really deep. I had never felt so exposed and raw. My counselor gently reminded me that no one had ever died in her room. But it feels like you’re going to -- that everything in your life is going to end right then.\r\n\r\nIn taking responsibility for my own life and not blaming my mom, I had to see and admit that I choose to be afraid so I do not have to try and do not have to fail. I choose to put up walls so that I can hide in order to not grow as a person. I don’t trust anyone so that I do not have to show them who I am. I try to save other people so that I do not have to focus on myself. I don’t love myself because I have let myself be the person I am. I decide to run away from everything in order to not have to deal with my problems. I choose to continue using alcohol as a way to perpetuate the problems in my life. I use my mom as an excuse for the decisions I make. I do this instead of taking responsibility for the choices I have made.\r\n\r\n“I was exhausted when we were done, exposed and raw, but I also felt good. I felt hopeful. I felt different. I felt like we<b><i> accomplished two years of therapy in 45 minutes</i></b>. I felt different right away. I didn’t then imagine that my whole life would change, but I knew something had shifted. I’m astounded by this, but the crying literally stopped. I stopped having anxiety attacks -- and I had been having them every day.\r\n\r\n“I feel like a different person now. I am more honest with myself. I know that I am responsible for what I do and have a feeling of empowerment to change myself. I trust myself more and I am trusting life, which is really big for me. I know that I am resilient and can get through anything. I know I am internally strong. I respect myself and because I respect myself, I make better decisions and feel more positive.\r\n\r\nMy drinking has changed. I no longer drink for the reasons I did, which was to escape my life. I am no longer pretending to be happy at work; I actually am. I like myself more, smile more, actually let myself be happy. I catch myself smiling lately, and then I smile bigger for no reason.\r\n\r\nI have forgiven my mom. I made the decision to let go of the pain and anger I held towards my mom, and I can now use that space to fill with positivity, growth and love. I have made space to fill myself with myself. I am gravitating toward more positive things. It’s hard to pinpoint or describe. I would say that I am finally letting myself be myself.\r\n\r\n<i>I feel like my environment changed to reflect how I was feeling on the inside. When things shift internally your external world does change.</i> That may sound like a stretch, but it is true for me.\r\n\r\nQuite honestly, <b><i>I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my life,</i></b> legitimately happy. This is different.  I don’t even feel like the same person. Another therapist I see -- a wonderful, open-minded individual who isn’t threatened at all by other modalities -- hadn’t seen me in a few weeks and the minute I walked in the door – before she even said hello – she said to me, “You have changed completely, energetically. What has happened with you in the last three weeks?”  When I told her about the work she said, “I can’t deny it, you are not the same person you were three weeks ago.  I can see it physically.”\r\n\r\nI feel so happy and grateful that I got to experience the victim process and the Healthy Grieving process, and I want to encourage anyone struggling like I was, especially struggling with a difficult past, to do this work. I would have told you that I was not a victim, and yet I actually subtly blamed everything in my life on my mom and my past. Eventually you have to forgive and move on. I thought I had, but I found out I really hadn’t. I thought I was a pillar of strength but I was just blaming everything wrong in my life on my mom, yet truly not aware that I was doing that.\r\n\r\nI am literally blown away by what this work revealed, and at how much I had been carrying for so long. This work has been life changing for me. If anyone can experience even a small portion of what has changed my life, I would like to help them do it; and I hope by sharing my story, someone else will benefit like I did.”\r\n\r\nBrandi, Age 37, Denver, CO', 'Being A Victim to the Experience of Loss', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'being-a-victim-to-the-experience-of-loss', '', '', '2015-08-28 10:58:18', '2015-08-28 16:58:18', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1048, 1, '2015-09-03 10:00:34', '2015-09-03 16:00:34', 'Our last post was a very personal and detailed sharing of the experience of realizing that one has blamed their whole life on someone or something outside of themselves – in other words, the experience of <a title="Being A Victim" href="http://www.grieffree.org/healthy-grieving/being-a-victim/">being a victim</a>.\r\n\r\nHere is another individual’s insight on the experience from a different perspective. This person has been through a number of victim worksheets and has had the realization that she has approached much of her life feeling like a victim. Her deep understanding that this is who she is and how she has lived her life is something we call the<span style="text-decoration: underline;"> <a title="Owning: The Secret to Letting Go" href="http://www.grieffree.org/owning/">process of </a><a title="Owning: The Secret to Letting Go" href="http://www.grieffree.org/owning/">owning</a>.</span>\r\n\r\nHere is the description of her experience and understanding:\r\n\r\n<i>“Owning being a victim was such an eye opener, in more ways than one.  By that, I mean it became crystal clear what the words (from the Victim Worksheet) “I am where I am because of the choices I made” really mean.  It has become very apparent to me that every choice I have ever made was ultimately mine and only mine.  Now that I am able to identify, in sharp detail, my participation in “playing at being helpless and powerless”, I cannot refute, deny or find exception to the rule.  </i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>“There is absolutely no question that being a victim makes it impossible to feel feelings, or fully access the innate, natural, unpolluted essence that is uniquely me. </i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>“As long as there is even the hint of blame that I assigned to another or to a circumstance, I have obstructed my ability to access my innate skills and seek to fully know me as those skills.  </i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>“Every excuse becomes transparent when exposed to the light of being honest and loses any legitimacy in the face of the indisputable truth of taking responsibility. </i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>“The reason I am grounded and unwavering in my current experience of life is because there is nothing to expose except what unquestionably and unconditionally exists. </i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>My next adventure is to discover the unadulterated, unfiltered aspects of me by seeking out, opening and passing through the doors of “what is in my best interest”…to actively participate in life with my eyes and heart wide open…to fully unleash an innate sense of curiosity and the quest for understanding and discovery that have always kept me taking the next step and the next. </i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>It is even more clear to me that that the future tense of ‘I am where I am because of the choices I make or will make’ is more important than ever.”</i>\r\n\r\nThis beautiful realization and the sense of possibilities it creates is available to all who are willing to let go of blaming (victim mentality) and take full responsibility for creating our own lives.', 'Owning Being A Victim: Taking Responsibility For Creating Our Life', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'owning-being-a-victim-taking-responsibility-for-our-life', '', '', '2015-09-03 10:07:10', '2015-09-03 16:07:10', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0);
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(1064, 1, '2015-10-13 10:02:36', '2015-10-13 16:02:36', 'Resistance is our mind’s reaction to being confronted with something we don’t want to see, feel, look at, or know.\r\n\r\nResistance shows up in a number of ways: shutting down, arguing, denial, blaming, lashing out, distraction, anger, confusion, and variously disguised grown-up versions of tantrums.\r\n\r\nResistance is a common reaction with the Healthy Grieving Process for the simple reason that the process is designed to take us directly to what we have been avoiding -- to exactly what we don’t want to see and feel.  Although at some level we understand that feeling these feelings is precisely what we need to do in order to let go of the grief or wound that is negatively impacting our lives, we still want to avoid going there, and resistance is how we do so.\r\n\r\nOne of the things that makes the Healthy Grieving process unique is that it recognizes resistance as a constructive process because it directs us to the very place that the mind resists us seeing. While many therapeutic and healing modalities “honor” resistance and take it as a sign to go a different direction, in the Healthy Grieving process we view resistance as a signpost that tells us that this is exactly the direction to pursue.  When we don’t allow the mind to prevent the opportunity to see what we are avoiding, great things can result; you will see this dynamic illustrated in the example below. Resistance can be a positive experience because it opens the opportunity to see what’s really going on, to see the truth of who we are – and it’s only from that place that we can be set free.\r\n\r\nRecently one of the Healthy Grieving training graduates went through an intense resistance experience, and he did a great job of describing how it showed up for him and how it resolved itself. Although his process was not related to grieving the loss of a loved one, a big self-identity was at stake for him, (which is what causes resistance), so his experience is instructive about how the mechanism of resistance works. It also illustrates the enormous benefits of working through resistance because without his persistence, he never would have seen the significant dichotomy and deeply-held beliefs operating in his life. Here is his description of his experience:\r\n\r\n“Resistance first came up for me when I was on a Healthy Grieving video conference call about self blame. I sat through the entire hour unable to understand what the class was trying to get across. I could hear the words, and the concept wasn’t that difficult, but I could not wrap my head around it, either during the meeting or when I sat with it after. It was clear that there was something meaningful there, and it was a simple enough concept -- why couldn’t I get it?\r\n\r\nI knew this meant there was something I didn’t want to see. This is what resistance is – when our mind won’t let us grasp something, and it steps in to prevent us from seeing or knowing what it is. When this happens, it is the mind trying to protect us against something huge.\r\n\r\nWhat I was struggling with was the concept that self blame is actually blaming something outside of yourself, but for some reason, you can’t accept blaming whatever the external thing is, so you turn it inward and blame yourself instead. But I couldn’t get that. I reached out for some help with trying to understand the concept, and the instructor suggested that I just sit with it – give it a little time -- and see what the mind does and where it takes me. I sat with it for about a day and it was eating away at me the whole time. Why couldn’t I understand the concept of self blame?\r\n\r\nInstead of sitting with it any longer, I decided to do a <a title="Being A Victim" href="http://www.grieffree.org/healthy-grieving/being-a-victim/">victim worksheet</a>. Of course, in my triggered and resistant state, I did not do it right. I brought my work to the teacher and he said, You’re still missing the point; the idea once again is that self blame is an attempt to <i>not</i> acknowledge what you’re actually blaming, which is something outside of yourself. The question when dealing with self blame is, Who do you really want to blame? Who do you actually blame for the problems in your life?\r\n\r\nWe went through all the possibilities, Do I blame my father, my mother, my wife? -- but none of them landed. Then it came to me, <i>I blame God</i>. When that came out of my mouth, it didn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t accept it, so I came up against another aspect of the resistance, against something else I didn’t want to see, which is how I was thinking and feeling <i>about God.</i> It came out of my mouth, so I couldn’t really deny it, but I couldn’t see it or understand what it was trying to tell me. I knew I said it, but I did not want to go there.\r\n\r\nI was advised not to do anything right away in response to my statement that I blame God, to just let the truth of my experience of God come to me. I was very unclear, extremely cloudy. I couldn’t see or understand my relationship with God. I came up against resistance again. No matter how I tried to sit with it, meditate on it, focus my energy, explore some questions, nothing was coming. My head was totally murky with no clarity. Nothing made sense to me.\r\n\r\nFour or five days later, I was at work and I started feeling upset. My stomach wasn’t right and I was really really angry, yet I couldn’t identify the source of the feeling. I ended up driving home because I had worked myself up into a really intense state. I wondered if I was losing my mind. I wasn’t even thinking about God, I was just trying to figure out what was going on with me. I felt like I was falling apart. As I started walking into my house, the words “God punishes me” came out of my mouth. And that’s when it finally broke open in a very emotional reaction.\r\n\r\nAll of a sudden, I was ready to see all of it. All this clarity came to me. I sat with pen and paper and wrote all these surprising things. What I discovered was that I hold two different concepts of God. I have my ideal, all-encompassing, beautiful, glorious, one with creation, deeply wise and compassionate God -- and that’s the god I <i>want</i> to believe in, but lurking underneath this is an older belief, which is what God <em>really</em> means to me – which is a harsh, controlling punishing God<b><i>. </i></b> It doesn’t matter what I <i>pretend</i> I think. I was pretending so thoroughly that I believed in my new version of God, that I didn’t even realize that I still believed in this other God just waiting to punish me and <b><i>I did not want to know that. </i></b>This is what resistance is about . . . it keeps us from the things we do not want to know.\r\n\r\nFrom a place of total resistance and a completely clouded and confused mind where I couldn’t understand what was going on or what I was feeling, suddenly I was able to see what I really believe about God. The clarity I gained after the resistance broke was absolutely amazing. Nothing made any sense and then bam, it all came clear.\r\n\r\nI couldn’t see any of this until I was ready, until those parts of my mind that were protecting me from knowing and understanding this experience broke down. It took something deep inside of me that wanted to see it in order to break through the control of the mind that didn’t want to see it. When the fear falls away and you feel ready, the part of you that really wants to know the truth comes online, it becomes stronger than the resistance. Finally, I was ready to see what I couldn’t look at before.\r\n\r\nOnce we become willing to look at resistance rather than run from it, we have the wonderful opportunity to see and let go of the destructive patterns running our lives.', 'Resistance: A Signpost into Self-Awareness', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'a-signpost-into-self-awareness', '', '\nhttp://www.grieffree.org/healthy-grieving/being-a-victim/', '2016-02-09 15:46:48', '2016-02-09 15:46:48', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1071, 1, '2015-11-04 15:58:07', '2015-11-04 22:58:07', 'One of our Healthy Grieving trainers recently made a presentation about resistance. She explained resistance as a negative reaction to anything that threatens how we see and experience ourselves or how we see and experience the world -- that which shakes the foundation of how we understand things and how we believe or want to believe things actually are. Resistance is our unwillingness to know the truth of a situation or feel our feelings.\r\n\r\nShe said that in her experience there are two types of resistance, which she named Big R Resistance and little r resistance.\r\n\r\nIn her definition, Big R Resistance describes people who are close-minded, entrenched in their opinions, perspective, beliefs and world views. They are not open to the possibility of seeing things in new ways or to the possibility that their views might be limited or wrong.  Their need to maintain their reality is stronger than the desire to know the truth, stronger than their desire to heal or change; indeed they are afraid of change and perceive change as a threat. Any push or challenge causes them to shut down, become defensive or lash out. For people who are generally resistant to change, the Healthy Grieving process is not a good fit because the process engenders a profound change – a shift in one’s experience of oneself.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, the experience of resistance with a little “r” is often part and parcel of the Healthy Grieving experience. This is to be expected because the Healthy Grieving process works at the level of self-identity, and when people feel their self-identity is at risk, resistance is a normal response.\r\n\r\nThe last blog is a good example of resistance with a little “r” – wherein a sincere, open-minded person who was willing -- indeed <i>seeking</i> – change, experienced resistance in the face of a big self-identity being threatened and exposed.\r\n\r\nFor people who are open to change, the experience of resistance with a small “r”  feels more like, “I’m really scared about looking at what’s coming up for me. I don’t know what to anticipate; I’m kind of freaked out and my instinct is to go into protection mode.” However, at the same time, there is a<i> willingness – </i>even in the face of the fear – to face what is coming up.\r\n\r\nIt is not whether one has resistance that dictates whether one can do the deep work of the Healthy Grieving Process, but rather how big and how entrenched the resistance is. Underneath the resistance is there a willingness to move forward or is one generally threatened by and averse to change?”\r\n\r\nWhen asked what to do in the face of resistance, the trainer responded from her own experience. “When I am in resistance but somewhere in me I have a desire to move through it to see the underlying truth (in other words, it’s little r resistance), the first step is that I have to be willing <i>to be aware that I am feeling threatened</i>, to know that <i>that</i> is my discomfort and that is why I am reactive. Next I have to be willing to <i>admit</i> that I am in resistance and to recognize that for what it is: my unwillingness to see, feel or know something.\r\n\r\nIf I am not willing to do those two things, I am going to be so wrapped up in my own story, defensiveness and projection – or whatever mechanism I am using to protect and shelter myself – that I won’t be able to move beyond that.\r\n\r\nFor me, the next step in overcoming resistance is  to be <i>willing to accept that I feel threatened</i> – to be <i>honest</i> about that piece of it – and to be willing to look into why and <i>investigate what is so threatening to me.</i>\r\n\r\nAnd then it’s a <i>choice</i> I have to make, “Am I willing to be open to facing whatever it is I absolutely don’t want to see? Am I willing to explore, with an open mind, whether or not there is truth in what I am avoiding and am I open to letting go of my position and opening up to the possibility of having a different experience of myself?  Am I willing to move past the stuck-ness and discomfort of where I am now to get to something else, something new?\r\n\r\n“Also what really helps me move through resistance is that I know I have been in this situation before. If I can remember <i>that every time I’ve been willing to face whatever </i>it is I am avoiding, I always come out the other side and find myself freer, more grounded, more expansive.<i> </i> I discover that <i>the very thing</i> (thought, position, self-identity, desire, belief, etc.)  <i>I thought was protecting me was actually keeping me trapped.”</i>\r\n\r\nWhen asked how she handles resistance when she encounters it in a client, the trainer said the following:\r\n<ul>\r\n	<li>Since I have done the work on myself (which is imperative with this modality) and know resistance so well as my own experience, I can clearly recognize it in a client.</li>\r\n	<li>Because I have been there, I come from a place of understanding and empathy.</li>\r\n	<li>My approach is to help the client understand that what s/he is experiencing<i> is</i> resistance --which is very easy for the client to lose sight of because the nature of resistance is that you don’t have awareness.</li>\r\n	<li>I assure them that what they are feeling is normal; that resistance often shows up in the Healthy Grieving Process because it is such deep work and because a self-identity is always at stake in letting go of something we have been holding onto.</li>\r\n	<li>I remind them that <b><i>this is the process of getting free. </i></b>This is how it unfolds. We start by feeling/fearing that our self is at stake -- and we want to protect it at all costs -- so we resist.       I help them understand that resistance is just one of the steps or stages in the process and this is what it feels like . . . <i>and we can make the choice to move through it. To keep going.”</i></li>\r\n</ul>\r\nAsked if resistance ever goes away, the trainer answered, “The truth is, it can come up at any time, depending on how big a self-identity is at stake in the letting go process.  Rather than looking for resistance to go away, a healthier approach is to understand our own relationship to resistance and how we respond to it when it arises. Then we can recognize it for what it is, recognize our own pattern in relation to it and <i>choose</i> how we will respond.\r\n\r\nIt is important to recognize that it<i> is</i> a choice<i>. </i> Because often, we don’t even realize we <i>have</i> a choice… until we choose.\r\n\r\nLast week’s blog was a perfect illustration of this dynamic. The subject was stuck and lost and resistant and angry and confused  . . . until something in him wanted to know what was underneath his reaction more than he didn’t want to know.\r\n\r\nAt which point he chose to see and feel what he had been avoiding.\r\n\r\nAnd was able to set himself free.', 'More on Resistance: Understanding a Method of the Mind', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'resistance-understanding-a-method-of-the-mind', '', '', '2016-02-09 15:45:25', '2016-02-09 15:45:25', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(1078, 1, '2015-11-23 09:28:36', '2015-11-23 16:28:36', 'The very first step in the Healthy Grieving Process is called Being Honest.\r\n\r\nWhat do we mean by being honest?\r\n\r\nIn the Healthy Grieving Process, we define being honest as the willingness to expose our experience of our self as it is.  Not as we dream it is or our fantasy of what it is. Not our imagination of who we are. Not what we hope. Not what we believe. Not what we pretend. Not what we present to the world. Not what we are striving for. But our experience of our self as it actually is.\r\n\r\nWhy is this important for letting go of grief?\r\n\r\nIn the Healthy Grieving Process, we say that no healing can take place at the level of the story and that is why being honest is the crucial first step.\r\n\r\nOne individual who has extensive experience with the Healthy Grieving Process shared her understanding, “<i>For me being honest is one of the most crucial aspects of grieving. I can''t grieve without being honest with myself first. I like the map analogy. If I am trying to get somewhere on a map, I have to know where I am first. If I don''t know the "You are here" spot, I can never get to where I am going.</i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>Being honest is the "You are here" mark on my map. When grieving, I have to push past what I think I''m feeling or why I think I''m feeling it and search for the real loss and how it makes me feel. When I''m not being honest I get caught up in the drama of emotions that protect me from the actual loss I need to grieve. These emotions make me think I''m somewhere else on my map, or fool me into thinking I''m at the "You are here" spot when I''m not even on the map.</i>\r\n\r\n<i></i><i>Being honest means admitting to myself what I am truly afraid of. It means pushing aside the niceties or protective barriers I have in place that make me feel safe or in control. These have little to do with what I need to grieve. Being honest means seeing myself at my worst or most raw or most vulnerable. </i>\r\n\r\n<i>It seems so terrifying and impossible at first, but being honest is actually like ripping away a shroud or a veil that keeps me from seeing. Once I can see, the fear and the pain actually go away. I''m left seeing things as they really are for me. Then I can see where I need to go, and that what I was holding onto so tightly is no longer necessary.”</i>\r\n\r\nA Healthy Grieving practitioner shared her definition of being honest, “<i>Being honest with myself is the genuine willingness to uncover and expose thoughts, emotional reactions, beliefs and life stories that limit my experience of life.</i>\r\n\r\nIn relation to the Healthy Grieving Process she said being honest is critical because, “<i>I can only let go of something when I know exactly what I am hanging on to.”</i>\r\n\r\nThis makes perfect sense. In order to truly let go, we have to know what our real loss is – and be honest about it.\r\n\r\nI was having a hard time letting go of a long term friendship of more than 30 years. I was sad and emotional until at the “being honest” step of the grieving process, I admitted that the principal role this person played in my life was as a safety net – someone who I felt would be “there” for me if I was ever in dire need – of money, of a job, of powerful connections. Once I was honest with myself about that , I could explore the underlying issue of why I didn’t feel confident that I could take care of myself and/or why I needed a “powerful” person who could “save” me. It wasn’t until then that I could release what was holding on.\r\n\r\nThe beauty of the Healthy Grieving Process is that it not only uncovers the underlying fears and beliefs that keep us stuck in life, it actually neutralizes the charge and frees us to move on, not just from the presenting grief or loss, but from the stuck places in our lives.', 'Being Honest: The Healing Power of Transcending Your Stories', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'being-honest-the-healing-power-of-transcending-your-stories', '', '', '2016-02-09 15:42:07', '2016-02-09 15:42:07', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
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'Home', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '33-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-04-24 17:59:40', '2016-04-24 17:59:40', '', 33, 'http://www.grieffree.org/33-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1324, 1, '2016-04-24 18:03:37', '2016-04-24 18:03:37', '[vc_row][vc_column][rev_slider_vc alias="home1"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="-30"][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n<h2 style="text-align: center; font-size: 40px; font-weight: normal; color: #666; font-family: ''Time''; line-height: 100%;">Welcome To <span style="color: #770b26;">GriefFree.org</span></h2>\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=".vc_custom_1459399682861{margin-top: -10px !important;}"]\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;">The revolutionary <strong>Healthy Grieving programs</strong> explore <strong>grief</strong> from the self-identity level, shifting the focus from the external loss to an inward exploration that provides rapid and transformational healing. After being guided through a <strong>Healthy Grieving program</strong>, individuals are able to let go of the pain of <strong>grief</strong>, integrating their loss into a renewed sense of wholeness and rejuvenation. <a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process/">Read More</a></p>\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row equal_height="yes" row_type="row_full_center_content" bg_color="#e9e9e9"][vc_column width="1/3" css=".vc_custom_1452993873071{margin-top: 5px 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'Home', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '33-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-04-24 18:03:37', '2016-04-24 18:03:37', '', 33, 'http://www.grieffree.org/33-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1326, 1, '2016-05-05 15:52:40', '2016-05-05 15:52:40', '[vc_row][vc_column][rev_slider_vc alias="home1"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="-30"][vc_column][vc_column_text]\r\n<h2 style="text-align: center; font-size: 40px; font-weight: normal; color: #666; font-family: ''Time''; line-height: 100%;">Welcome To <span style="color: #770b26;">GriefFree.org</span></h2>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=".vc_custom_1462463990339{margin-top: -10px !important;}"]\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;">The revolutionary <strong>Healthy Grieving programs</strong> explore <strong>grief</strong> from the self-identity level, shifting the focus from the external loss to an inward exploration that provides rapid and transformational healing. After being guided through a <strong>Healthy Grieving program</strong>, individuals are able to let go of the pain of <strong>grief</strong>, integrating their loss into a renewed sense of wholeness and rejuvenation.</p>\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;"><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process/">Read More</a></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row equal_height="yes" row_type="row_full_center_content" bg_color="#e9e9e9"][vc_column width="1/3" css=".vc_custom_1452993873071{margin-top: 5px 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INSERT INTO `wp_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(1327, 1, '2016-05-05 15:53:10', '2016-05-05 15:53:10', '[vc_row][vc_column][rev_slider_vc alias="home1"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="-30"][vc_column][vc_column_text]\r\n<h2 style="text-align: center; font-size: 40px; font-weight: normal; color: #666; font-family: ''Time''; line-height: 100%;">Welcome To <span style="color: #770b26;">GriefFree.org</span></h2>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=".vc_custom_1462464020033{margin-top: -10px !important;}"]\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;">The revolutionary <strong>Healthy Grieving programs</strong> explore <strong>grief</strong> from the self-identity level, shifting the focus from the external loss to an inward exploration that provides rapid and transformational healing. After being guided through a <strong>Healthy Grieving program</strong>, individuals are able to let go of the pain of <strong>grief</strong>, integrating their loss into a renewed sense of wholeness and rejuvenation.</p>\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;"><strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process/">Read More</a></strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row equal_height="yes" row_type="row_full_center_content" bg_color="#e9e9e9"][vc_column width="1/3" css=".vc_custom_1452993873071{margin-top: 5px 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'Home', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '33-autosave-v1', '', '', '2016-07-22 01:09:05', '2016-07-22 01:09:05', '', 33, 'http://www.grieffree.org/33-autosave-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1329, 1, '2016-05-05 15:54:55', '2016-05-05 15:54:55', '[vc_row][vc_column][rev_slider_vc alias="home1"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="-30"][vc_column][vc_column_text]\r\n<h1 style="text-align: center; font-size: 40px; font-weight: normal; color: #666; font-family: ''Time''; line-height: 100%;">Welcome To <span style="color: #770b26;">GriefFree.org</span></h1>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=".vc_custom_1462464020033{margin-top: -10px !important;}"]\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;">The revolutionary <strong>Healthy Grieving programs</strong> explore <strong>grief</strong> from the self-identity level, shifting the focus from the external loss to an inward exploration that provides rapid and transformational healing. After being guided through a <strong>Healthy Grieving program</strong>, individuals are able to let go of the pain of <strong>grief</strong>, integrating their loss into a renewed sense of wholeness and rejuvenation.</p>\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;"><strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process/">Read More</a></strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row equal_height="yes" row_type="row_full_center_content" bg_color="#e9e9e9"][vc_column width="1/3" css=".vc_custom_1452993873071{margin-top: 5px 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INSERT INTO `wp_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(1330, 1, '2016-05-05 15:57:55', '2016-05-05 15:57:55', '[vc_row][vc_column][rev_slider_vc alias="home1"][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="-30"][vc_column][vc_column_text]\r\n<h1 style="text-align: center; font-size: 40px; font-weight: normal; color: #666; font-family: ''Time''; line-height: 100%;">Welcome To <span style="color: #770b26;">GriefFree.org</span></h1>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=".vc_custom_1462464020033{margin-top: -10px !important;}"]\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;">The revolutionary <strong>Healthy Grieving programs</strong> explore <strong>grief</strong> from the self-identity level, shifting the focus from the external loss to an inward exploration that provides rapid and transformational healing. After being guided through a <strong>Healthy Grieving program</strong>, individuals are able to let go of the pain of <strong>grief</strong>, integrating their loss into a renewed sense of wholeness and rejuvenation.</p>\r\n<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px;"><strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process/">Read More</a></strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row equal_height="yes" row_type="row_full_center_content" bg_color="#e9e9e9"][vc_column width="1/3" css=".vc_custom_1452993873071{margin-top: 5px 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'Home', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '33-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-05-05 15:57:55', '2016-05-05 15:57:55', '', 33, 'http://www.grieffree.org/33-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1334, 2, '2016-05-18 17:43:19', '2016-05-18 17:43:19', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: left;" align="center">If you need support with the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong>, GreifFree.org has seasoned therapists who have extensive experience working with the Healthy Grieving process who are happy to work with you. Please send an email to <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" href="mailto:support@grieffree.org">support@GriefFree.org</a></span></strong> or use the contact page on this website and somebody will be in contact with you.</p>\r\n<p style="text-align: left;">Please be advised that the volunteers at <strong>GriefFree.org</strong> are not professional counselors or therapists. Any support you receive should not be confused with traditional psychological, medical, or emotional therapy. If you need emotional or mental support for your grieving experience, you should address specific psychological, medical or emotional problems with a professional in the health field or where appropriate, a qualified physician. No insights that are revealed or discussed with the volunteers are intended to dismiss or alter your pursuit of traditional psychological, medical or emotional options.</p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'How to Get Grief Support', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '201-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-05-18 17:43:19', '2016-05-18 17:43:19', '', 201, 'http://www.grieffree.org/201-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1336, 2, '2016-05-18 17:47:19', '2016-05-18 17:47:19', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]<img class="size-medium wp-image-299 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/new-growth-300x201-300x201.jpg" alt="new-growth-300x201" width="300" height="201" />We have changed the training program from the original <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> to an eight-week grieving program called The <strong>Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong>. This new program, which will be taught in a <strong>two-day workshop</strong>, is better suited for our cultural perspective on <strong>grief</strong> because it provides individuals with a gradual way to heal from grief. We are doing our first two-day workshop for the therapists who have already trained in the original process this month and will be offering the training to new therapists in May.\r\n\r\n<strong>The Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong> was developed by <strong>David Cope</strong> in response to the cultural resistance to grieving the loss of a loved one in two sessions. It became clear from feedback that many individuals and therapists felt that grieving the loss of a loved one in such a short period of time was in some way “irreverent” – showing a lack of reverence or veneration for the loved one.  This feedback also exposed that there is a cultural morality that prescribes that the process of grieving a loved one is a sacred and revered human experience and requires a period of mourning to honor the loved one.\r\n\r\n<strong>The Healthy Grieving Resolution Program</strong> responds to this awareness by applying many of the fundamental principals of the human experience of grief and loss into an eight-week program. This program is also a healing modality; yet it provides the framework for individuals to <em>gradually</em> heal from the pain of <strong>grief</strong> and loss. It can be facilitated in either private therapy or in a group setting, which opens the program to individuals who find solace with others who are also grieving.\r\n\r\nThe Healthy Grieving Resolution program is based on the following principals of grief and loss:\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><strong>Grief</strong> is a normal and natural human experience. The program has a very powerful way for individuals to grasp the human experience of grief and loss and to normalize their personal experience of this natural human experience.</li>\r\n 	<li>Healing cannot take place at the level of a person’s story. The mind creates stories as a way to avoid the true feelings of loss and grief – the pain of loss is essentially suppressed by the stories. The program teaches individuals to safely transcend the stories of their loss and enter into their heart to express the truth of their experience where healing can begin to unfold.</li>\r\n 	<li>In every experience of grief and loss, there is an opportunity for growth and change with the awareness of the gift of the loss. This gift unfolds within the program and allows individuals to open their heart to the experience. The acknowledgment of this gift makes it functionally impossible to maintain the pain of the loss – it naturally dissipates over time.</li>\r\n 	<li>A broken heart is a closed heart. It is not possible for an individual to see the gift of loss as long as they maintain an <strong>emotional attachment</strong> to the pain and loss.The program teaches individuals how to open their heart anew by learning to feel their feelings around their loss, which is extremely effective in healing the emotional pain of the loss. From this fresh and unencumbered perspective, an individual can be open to the gift of the loss and clearly articulate it from their heart.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\nThe benefits of this new program are quite remarkable. The pain of the <strong>grief and loss</strong> is resolved allowing an individual to have a fresh and healthy perspective of their loss and a renewed attitude about moving forward constructively in their life. The program also instills individuals with a healthy view towards grief and loss and provides effective tools to face and manage future experiences of loss which are so common in the human experience.\r\n\r\nWe are no longer offering the original <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> through <strong>Grieffree.org</strong>. It has been renamed The <strong>Letting Go Process</strong> and will be reintroduced later this year within the context of a new psychology that <strong>David Cope</strong> has developed. If you have an interest in our new eight-week <strong>grief program</strong>, <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/contact/">please contact us</a>.</strong>\r\n\r\nPlease visit our professional testimonials at the following link: <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Professional Testimonials" href="http://www.grieffree.org/professional-training/professional-testimonials/">Professional testimonials</a></span></strong>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Two-Day Intensive Training', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '210-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-05-18 17:47:19', '2016-05-18 17:47:19', '', 210, 'http://www.grieffree.org/210-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1342, 1, '2016-06-28 20:06:45', '2016-06-28 20:06:45', '<strong>a new found freedom…</strong>\n\nI knew I had a block that was preventing me from moving forward with my Dad’s death which occurred two years ago. I had been through a lot of therapy yet I was still seeking answers and was ready to get to the core of the issue. I really was afraid I was going to be in pain the rest of my life.\n\nAs compared to traditional therapy, The Healthy Grieving process was an intentional, structured, and had an end goal. I was guided in a safe environment that allowed me to peel back the layers at a depth I have never been before. The process afforded me an avenue to explore some very painful core issues regarding my relationship with my Dad. The benefit is now I have a better relationship with him.\n\nThe Healthy Grieving process has allowed me to be more present and joyful with my family. The dread and the longing for my Dad to be around has subsided and I often feel the loving support and benevolent presence of my father’s spirit, which is so beautiful. I feel like I have wind underneath my wings with a new found freedom and an excitement for my life and all of its possibilities.\n\nAmy Schaller', 'Amy Schaller', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '330-autosave-v1', '', '', '2016-06-28 20:06:45', '2016-06-28 20:06:45', '', 330, 'http://www.grieffree.org/330-autosave-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1346, 2, '2016-07-05 21:43:40', '2016-07-05 21:43:40', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Healthy Grieving  Process Treats The Loss Of One’s Self-Identity Rather Than The Emotional Loss Of The Person</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nGrieving may be one of the most misunderstood experiences of human nature. In the revolutionary<strong> Healthy Grieving process</strong>, grieving is not the experience of the emotional pain of the loss of the person or object, it is the experience of the pain of the loss of what the person or object represented; the loss of one’s self-identity - that which gave meaning to one’s life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-263 alignleft" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/sun-thru-fingers-300x200-300x200.jpg" alt="sun-thru-fingers-300x200" width="300" height="200" />One’s <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-identity</a></span></strong> is the interwoven fabric of how a person experiences one’s self. The <strong>experience of grieving</strong> is as if the very foundation of how one experiences one’s self has been taken away and what is left in its place is an inescapable abyss: the void. The experience of this void is the experience of <strong>grief</strong> - a tragic feeling of an empty and meaningless existence created by the loss of one’s self-identity.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe reason why the process of grieving is traditionally characterized as “an individualized experience that can take several months to several years” is the unwillingness to feel the pain of loss. Effectively then, <strong>grieving</strong> becomes the period it takes for a person to deny and suppress the pain of loss so it is no longer consciously experienced. The illusion is that the feeling of loss, which causes a deep and <strong>painful expression</strong> of emotions, is not for letting go but for emoting - a wallowing in pain rather than deep experience of release. Thus this emoting pain becomes the memory rather than the possibility of loving memories.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is a process of feeling the deep pain of the loss of self-identity for the purpose of letting go of the pain. In the Healthy Grieving process, a person is reunited with an aspect of one’s self that was given away in the emotional attachment: the emptiness and pain are transcended and a warm sense of love and appreciation replaces the loss.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe perceived pain is the person’s own experience of loss not the experience of the loss of the person (object). For example, when a person goes to a funeral to pay respects and feels a sense of loss and sadness, this feeling of loss and sadness is not for the person who passed away but the emptiness they feel inside from the loss of the person. <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> realizes that grieving is not for the person but the loss of what the person represented to one’s self-identity.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>A Willingness To Feel…</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-264 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/feeling-woman-300x220-300x220.jpg" alt="feeling-woman-300x220" width="300" height="220" />The process of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> starts first with the willingness to feel the pain of loss for the purpose of letting it go. Without this willingness, <strong>healthy grieving</strong> cannot occur and grieving becomes the traditional process of grieving - wallowing, denial, and suppression. Many people, sometimes at a subconscious level, are unwilling to feel the pain of loss so they can <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Being A Victim" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/being-a-victim/">be a victim</a></span></strong> to the experience thus maintaining their reality of the loss that has affected their life - being a victim replaces the meaning that the loss took from their self-identity often effectively blaming the person (object) for their misery.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Identification Of The Loss Of Self-Identity…</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe second major step in the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is the accurate identification of the specific loss of self-identity. The challenge at this step is that a person is often not consciously aware of the loss. It is difficult for the grieving individual to create <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">separation</a></span></strong> for this identification because self-identity is so ingrained in a person’s experience it can be virtually indeterminable. With the help of specific strategies to tease out the self-identity, a person can bring forth the clarity needed for identification.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nWhen the identification of the <strong>loss of self-identity</strong> is clearly defined it can be validated by the emotional reaction a person experiences from this awareness. With this sense of clarity, a person can then move to experience the pain of the loss of the self-identity. Interestingly, the ability to experience this pain of loss is a natural <strong>human experience</strong> and can be accomplished relatively easily if a person is not afraid of feeling emotional pain. Emotional pain is very much like the boogeyman that hid in the closet as a child; it does not exist except in your mind. When a person is willing to face the emotional pain of  grief it dissolves as if it never existed. The <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is like the choice to go to the dentist for an impacted tooth: you can decide to  go through the pain of having the tooth removed so the pain goes away and healing can take place or you can take medication and manage the pain.  The <strong>traditional experience</strong> of grieving can often be like the management of the pain because people are very afraid to face the emotional pain of <strong>grief</strong> so they find ways to avoid or distract themselves from feeling the pain.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Healthy Grieving Process is a Very Dynamic Process…</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-266 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/clouds-opening-300x199-300x199.jpg" alt="clouds-opening-300x199" width="300" height="199" />The Healthy Grieving process is a very dynamic process because <strong>grief</strong> is a universal human emotion to the experience of loss.  The fundamental principles of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> can be effective not only with the death of a loved one but can be <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Applications" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/applications/">applied in a wide variety of real life situations</a></span></strong>. When the concept of attachments and self-identity are fully grasped, the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> can become a comprehensive tool that can be used to reconnect  individuals to a  fuller expression of themselves and life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nFrom this perspective, the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is not intended to be a process used for a single occurrence; it has been created as a way of deconstructing the attachments that form our unconscious identity. It is this unconscious identity that creates the fleeting experiences that cause life to be perceived as hard and unfulfilling. Over time, with the conscious use of the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong>, an individual will begin to transform the externalized attachments into internal <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-love</a></span></strong>(value). From this place of <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-value</a></span></strong>, a person no longer feels the emptiness of life or experiences life as unfulfilling but experiences an emerging sense of completeness in life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nYou are invited to learn more details about the Healthy Grieving process by clicking on this link: <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="The Process of Healthy Grieving" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-2/">The Process of Healthy Grieving.</a></span></strong>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Understanding The Healthy Grieving Process', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '183-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-07-05 21:43:40', '2016-07-05 21:43:40', '', 183, 'http://www.grieffree.org/183-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1347, 2, '2016-07-05 21:45:48', '2016-07-05 21:45:48', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Healthy Grieving  Process Treats The Loss Of One’s Self-Identity Rather Than The Emotional Loss Of The Person</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nGrieving may be one of the most misunderstood experiences of human nature. In the revolutionary<strong> Healthy Grieving process</strong>, grieving is not the experience of the emotional pain of the loss of the person or object, it is the experience of the pain of the loss of what the person or object represented; the loss of one’s self-identity - that which gave meaning to one’s life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-263 alignleft" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/sun-thru-fingers-300x200-300x200.jpg" alt="sun-thru-fingers-300x200" width="300" height="200" />One’s <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-identity</a></span></strong> is the interwoven fabric of how a person experiences one’s self. The <strong>experience of grieving</strong> is as if the very foundation of how one experiences one’s self has been taken away and what is left in its place is an inescapable abyss: the void. The experience of this void is the experience of <strong>grief</strong> - a tragic feeling of an empty and meaningless existence created by the loss of one’s self-identity.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe reason why the process of grieving is traditionally characterized as “an individualized experience that can take several months to several years” is the unwillingness to feel the pain of loss. Effectively then, <strong>grieving</strong> becomes the period it takes for a person to deny and suppress the pain of loss so it is no longer consciously experienced. The illusion is that the feeling of loss, which causes a deep and <strong>painful expression</strong> of emotions, is not for letting go but for emoting - a wallowing in pain rather than deep experience of release. Thus this emoting pain becomes the memory rather than the possibility of loving memories.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is a process of feeling the deep pain of the loss of self-identity for the purpose of letting go of the pain. In the Healthy Grieving process, a person is reunited with an aspect of one’s self that was given away in the emotional attachment: the emptiness and pain are transcended and a warm sense of love and appreciation replaces the loss.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe perceived pain is the person’s own experience of loss not the experience of the loss of the person (object). For example, when a person goes to a funeral to pay respects and feels a sense of loss and sadness, this feeling of loss and sadness is not for the person who passed away but the emptiness they feel inside from the loss of the person. <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> realizes that grieving is not for the person but the loss of what the person represented to one’s self-identity.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>A Willingness To Feel…</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-264 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/feeling-woman-300x220-300x220.jpg" alt="feeling-woman-300x220" width="300" height="220" />The process of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> starts first with the willingness to feel the pain of loss for the purpose of letting it go. Without this willingness, <strong>healthy grieving</strong> cannot occur and grieving becomes the traditional process of grieving - wallowing, denial, and suppression. Many people, sometimes at a subconscious level, are unwilling to feel the pain of loss so they can <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Being A Victim" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/being-a-victim/">be a victim</a></span></strong> to the experience thus maintaining their reality of the loss that has affected their life - being a victim replaces the meaning that the loss took from their self-identity often effectively blaming the person (object) for their misery.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Identification Of The Loss Of Self-Identity…</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nThe second major step in the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is the accurate identification of the specific loss of self-identity. The challenge at this step is that a person is often not consciously aware of the loss. It is difficult for the grieving individual to create <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">separation</a></span></strong> for this identification because self-identity is so ingrained in a person’s experience it can be virtually indeterminable. With the help of specific strategies to tease out the self-identity, a person can bring forth the clarity needed for identification.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nWhen the identification of the <strong>loss of self-identity</strong> is clearly defined it can be validated by the emotional reaction a person experiences from this awareness. With this sense of clarity, a person can then move to experience the pain of the loss of the self-identity. Interestingly, the ability to experience this pain of loss is a natural <strong>human experience</strong> and can be accomplished relatively easily if a person is not afraid of feeling emotional pain. Emotional pain is very much like the boogeyman that hid in the closet as a child; it does not exist except in your mind. When a person is willing to face the emotional pain of  grief it dissolves as if it never existed. The <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is like the choice to go to the dentist for an impacted tooth: you can decide to  go through the pain of having the tooth removed so the pain goes away and healing can take place or you can take medication and manage the pain.  The <strong>traditional experience</strong> of grieving can often be like the management of the pain because people are very afraid to face the emotional pain of <strong>grief</strong> so they find ways to avoid or distract themselves from feeling the pain.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>The Healthy Grieving Process is a Very Dynamic Process…</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-266 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/clouds-opening-300x199-300x199.jpg" alt="clouds-opening-300x199" width="300" height="199" />The Healthy Grieving process is a very dynamic process because <strong>grief</strong> is a universal human emotion to the experience of loss.  The fundamental principles of <strong>Healthy Grieving</strong> can be effective not only with the death of a loved one but can be <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Applications" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/applications/">applied in a wide variety of real life situations</a></span></strong>. When the concept of attachments and self-identity are fully grasped, the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> can become a comprehensive tool that can be used to reconnect  individuals to a  fuller expression of themselves and life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nFrom this perspective, the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> is not intended to be a process used for a single occurrence; it has been created as a way of deconstructing the attachments that form our unconscious identity. It is this unconscious identity that creates the fleeting experiences that cause life to be perceived as hard and unfulfilling. Over time, with the conscious use of the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong>, an individual will begin to transform the externalized attachments into internal <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-love</a></span></strong>(value). From this place of <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-value</a></span></strong>, a person no longer feels the emptiness of life or experiences life as unfulfilling but experiences an emerging sense of completeness in life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nYou are invited to learn more details about the Healthy Grieving process by <strong><a href="http://www.grieffree.org/contact/">contacting us.</a></strong>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Understanding The Healthy Grieving Process', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '183-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-07-05 21:45:48', '2016-07-05 21:45:48', '', 183, 'http://www.grieffree.org/183-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1350, 2, '2016-07-12 21:05:04', '2016-07-12 21:05:04', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n<h2 style="text-align: center;"><strong>What is Healthy Grieving?</strong></h2>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<strong>Healthy Grieving is the process of letting go of an attachment.</strong> An attachment is defined as anything external that gives identity and meaning to one’s life that when lost or taken away causes a deep feeling of loss and emptiness. Most attachments are so intertwined in one’s life as to be unrecognizable - they become the hidden infrastructure of one’s life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]<img class="size-medium wp-image-260 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/dandylion-200x300-200x300.jpg" alt="dandylion-200x300" width="200" height="300" />Attachments are fundamental to the human experience - mankind’s need to create meaning in life - because of the inherent feeling of emptiness within. The role of attachments is to “fill” the emptiness so life has purpose and meaning. When an attachment is let go of from the heart by the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong>, the pain of loss and emptiness is transformed into freedom and expansion; a fuller expression of one’s self.\r\n\r\nThe traditional approach to grieving is an ambiguous approach to one of life’s most natural <strong>human experiences</strong>. Imagine the possibilities of a clear and precise way to grieve that provides the transformative experience of <strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Definitions" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/the-healthy-grieving-process-definitions/">self-acceptance</a></span></strong> and <em>personal</em> growth.\r\n\r\n<strong><span style="color: #800000;"><a style="color: #800000;" title="Understanding Healthy Grieving" href="http://www.grieffree.org/the-healthy-grieving-process/understanding-the-healthy-grieving-process/">Learn more…</a></span></strong>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'What is Healthy Grieving?', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '180-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-07-12 21:05:04', '2016-07-12 21:05:04', '', 180, 'http://www.grieffree.org/180-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(1351, 2, '2016-07-12 21:11:39', '2016-07-12 21:11:39', '[vc_row row_type="row_full_center_content" margin_top="50"][vc_column width="2/3"][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n<img class="size-medium wp-image-256 alignright" src="http://www.grieffree.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/rainbow-in-sky-300x224-300x224.jpg" alt="rainbow-in-sky-300x224" width="300" height="224" />Traditionally grieving occurs with the loss of a loved one, relationship, pet, or job. The <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> can be applied in a much more diverse application. The following is a list of life events or objects of attachment that the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> can be used for successfully. In fact, the more it is applied in life the more applications are revealed, since attachments are fundamentally how we experience ourselves. The inherent value in letting go attachments is to reclaim the self-identity that was given away in the attachment. By reclaiming aspects of one’s self, individuals can learn to know and understand who they are and can live a fuller experience of themselves in life.\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Letting go of …\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>a divorce</li>\r\n 	<li>an old girl/boyfriend or first love</li>\r\n 	<li>a home, neighborhood or community – whether in a loss, in a fire, or moving away</li>\r\n 	<li>miscarriage or abortion</li>\r\n 	<li>foreclosure</li>\r\n 	<li>boxes of old memorabilia, family pictures, or love letters</li>\r\n 	<li>financial loss</li>\r\n 	<li>abandonment</li>\r\n 	<li>the ending of an old friendship</li>\r\n 	<li>an affair</li>\r\n 	<li>a child leaving home at any stage of life</li>\r\n 	<li>old clothes</li>\r\n 	<li>a career path not taken</li>\r\n 	<li>the single life when getting married</li>\r\n 	<li>the experience of becoming an empty nester</li>\r\n 	<li>one’s independence when a child is born</li>\r\n 	<li>the sale of a car</li>\r\n 	<li>a sports team losing</li>\r\n 	<li>a disabling illness or disease</li>\r\n 	<li>social status or lifestyle change</li>\r\n 	<li>the ability to have children</li>\r\n 	<li>missed opportunities in life</li>\r\n 	<li>not being chosen in a tryout or audition</li>\r\n 	<li>family connections or relationships</li>\r\n</ul>\r\nThe<strong> Healthy Grieving process</strong> can also be used proactively as a powerful way of letting go an attachment that negatively affects a person’s life experience such as:\r\n\r\nAttachments to…\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>alcohol</li>\r\n 	<li>children</li>\r\n 	<li>parents</li>\r\n 	<li>unhealthy relationships</li>\r\n 	<li>drama</li>\r\n 	<li>money</li>\r\n 	<li>love</li>\r\n 	<li>sex</li>\r\n 	<li>home</li>\r\n 	<li>food</li>\r\n 	<li>a way of life</li>\r\n 	<li>financial security</li>\r\n 	<li>shopping</li>\r\n 	<li>life style</li>\r\n 	<li>needing a man (woman) to be happy</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Outgrowing the Fear of Death and Dying</strong></p>\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\nOne of the most significant indirect benefits of the <strong>Healthy Grieving process</strong> might be the most intriguing: the outgrowing of the fear of death and dying. <em>The fear of death and dying is the result of the anticipated loss of the attachment to life - everything that gave meaning to a person’s life.</em>\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\r\n\r\n[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width="1/3"][vc_widget_sidebar sidebar_id="sidebar"][/vc_column][/vc_row]', 'Applications', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '189-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-07-12 21:11:39', '2016-07-12 21:11:39', '', 189, 'http://www.grieffree.org/189-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
